Stress on relationship

[Veenah]

Is anyone else feeling the impact of infertility on their relationship? And that lockdown definitely isn't helping. DH and I are both working from home and he has an underlying condition so we're still not going out much and we seem to be at each others throats recently. It feels like being cooped up inside together means there is little distraction from TTC and it's taking over everything. He thinks I nag, I think he doesn't care enough and we've been so snappy with each other.

I'm not really drinking these days and haven't been to pub since they reopened, l love him but I'd kill for a few drinks with a friend without him and with no mention of TTC or babies!!

How would you feel about a month ‘off’ TTC? My DH and I decided to do this the month before starting IVF and mentally I think I did us both some good. No feeling like TTC is a chore or that horrible feeling when AF turns up!

Also, why not just go to a friends garden for a drink and a chat while social distancing/take your own (if you’re able of course with DHs condition) rather than the pub. If you can’t do that, maybe a video chat and some wine?

Occasionally DH and I also do some separate things in the evening, I like video games and he likes reading. We can do this on our own. Then we make sure we do movie night or something together.

(We’re not perfect though by any means and have had periods of feeling frustrated and arguing with one another but these things definitely helped)

Hope that helps

Xx

Thanks for the response. Yes we spend some time doing our own thing, we've had some garden drinks too but involving his friends and family as mine are not as local. I've had some zoom nights, I'll try to arrange more or to arrange to meet one of my friends now that restrictions are easing.

I've thought that a month off might be good but time isn't on our side and also I've been referred for a lap & dye so have to take that month off. I think taking another one off would just stress me out more!

I know it's just bad timing - lockdown wouldn't be as bad without the added fertility issues and vice versa. It's all just a bit intense. I wish I could switch the TTC centre of my brain off for a few days so we could forget it all, not feel like there's a shadow hanging over us and remember what we like about each other!!

Is the month you have to take off soon? That could be your month off and hopefully will ease some of the pressure.

I do understand where you’re coming from, for months it’s all I could think about and I’d just feel so low when my period came, wondering if each cramp was the period on her way for the days leading up.

It is intense and hard on you both. I think a friend to chat to will be good

Xx

@Veenah I’m currently suffering the same. Infertility is a stressful time and it doesn’t help fighting. I’m currently wanting a break now and may move in with my sister for a while. We’re due to start IVF in October now but I’m considering pushing it indefinitely as a result to certain psychological issues arising and it wouldn’t be healthy for a child.
Of all the issues that occurred I didn’t think this would be one of them-fertility is more psychological then physical to an extent. I guess that’s why there are counselling offered when doing fertility treatment.

@Veenah Honestly think pressure on a relationship is natural in this situation.

I'd really recommend what others are saying about taking a month off if you can. We are doing this ahead of starting IVF soon, not not trying exactly but not planning, scheduling, constantly looking at apps and all the rest of it. Its done us good, although lockdown and knowing that IVF is coming up soon is its own stress.

What about going out for a nice meal now that restaurants are open again? We did this on Saturday and it was lovely. Meditation and running also help for me.

Thanks everyone for the responses, it helps to know it's not just me!

Good luck with all the upcoming IVFs