Decisions decisions

[Mctm123]

Just wondering what people’s thoughts are on this.

In the last year I’ve had 3 miscarriages all following Ivf. We have secondary infertility and have been trying to conceive our second since 2016. We have a naturally conceived little boy. Since he was conceived, my partner was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease and put on medication. We also have male factor just about enough sperm but poor motility at 16%.

Yesterday, the IBD clinic done a review for my partners crohns (at a push from us as we think this may be affecting fertility) anyway the doctor said since he has had no flare ups for a long time and his bloods seem great that he can actually come off all medication now and see how he gets on. We raised the fact that we have recently researched the meds he’s been on an they can affect male sperm and even cause miscarriage to which the doctor agreed and actually said we wouldn’t recommend staying on them whilst ttc.

I had raised this after the 3rd miscarriage with the Ivf consultant and he completely disagreed and said there’s not enough evidence but I do wish we knew about this originally as maybe my partner could have come off his meds before we cycled and I don’t feel there was enough investigation done prior to us starting but I accept the onus is on us also but we’re not the experts.

So! We had originally said we were done with any further treatment but after coming on again on Friday and I think we suffered a CP last month also, I am now feeling like I want to do more Ivf (one last go an all that) I am 36 and not getting any younger, the age gap is getting bigger and I can’t let it go basically.

It would mean getting into more debt but we could at a push, afford it. But is it wise to give it a go naturally for longer now he’s off this medication? I just hate that ticking clock...

We have been supplementing lots/healthy eating/diet etc.. and I also think if I’ve already had 3 miscarriages, what’s going to be different next time as we don’t know for a fact I lost the babies all because of my partners meds. I am due to go the recurrent miscarriage clinic soon, just waiting on a referral. We’ve also asked for an up to date sperm test but the gp said he can’t be referred just yet due to covid but can in a couple of weeks.

Sorry for the essay, hope it makes sense!

So tough for you, I’m similar in terms of amount of miscarriages although don’t have the same sperm issue (very much unexplained and probably old age here). My basic position is that I will carry on trying until it gets too hard, so I have no regrets. I hoping I will know when that time is, but I think there is more for me to explore so I’m not ready to let go. Good luck whatever you decide 😀

Thanks for your reply @Shamoo

That’s exactly how I feel, I’m not prepared to have any regrets. I don’t find the physical process of Ivf too difficult to go through so that’s fine but obviously the emotional side is huge isn’t it. The thought of coming on every month and that disappointment seems worse to me because I don’t feel I’m doing anything about it whereas with Ivf I felt like I was doing something!

My partner just keeps saying though, what will you do if it doesn’t work this time though and the truth is I don’t know but we’ve thought about paying extra for a 2 cycle package including Fets so that it might not feel as much of a financial burden but realistically the money won’t go much further than that x

Yes, I am looking at exactly the same option and then saying that's it. Thinking it may help me draw a line under it. But who knows!!! The emotional side is exhausting (feeling like life is on hold) but I know I will regret it if I dont try! So hear we go!!! Good luck :)

Yeah the life on hold thing stresses me out the most. And the fact the age gap is getting bigger an bigger. I feel so sorry for my little boy especially during lockdown as he has no other children to play with.

Anyway, good luck to you too! More than likely I won’t be far behind you! X

If you think something might be different this time because of the your husband stopping medication for a cycle and you can afford it, I think it is worth trying again.

I'm in a similar position with an only child and increasing age gap. But we've not started ivf yet.

That’s it @kwastell I think if I was a few years younger, I would be more inclined to try naturally a bit longer but I don’t have time on my side or patience anymore.

The problem is, I’m only speculating that’s been the problem an another side of me is saying it’s happened 3 times already, why are you throwing more money at it? I would like the experts to say a definite yes or no as to what’s caused our losses but of course we won’t ever know.

The hardest part will be if it’s worst case scenario, having that debt over us for x amount of years and will I be able to say that’s it now. I was saying that after the last 3 🙈 but then if it worked it would be worth every penny.

Are u planning to start soon? X

It's so hard to know what's best to do. I think as you think there's a possibility of it being different without the medication it might be worth a last shot. But will be really tough if it doesn't work.

Yes, we're booking in for scans and things now, and planning to go for IVF straight after those, depending what they show up (if anything). I always said I didn't want to do IVF and would go for adoption but now it's come to it we're going to give it a go.

Hi OP, if you don’t mind me asking what medication is your husband on for his crohns? Hadn’t heard of any of them poss causing miscarriage. I’m on infliximab. It’s good he is well enough to come off. Goodluck anyway

Good luck @kwastell I hope it all works out well for you xx

@1ce1cebaby he was on azathioprine ( this is the miscarriage one) and allopurinol ( can cause low motility) xx

Thanks @Mctm123. That’s awful I never knew that. I had been on it for a perilous years ago. With infliximab there were actually some studies to show it aided ivf. Horrible disease. Glad he’s doing well and hope he continues to do so and whatever you decide works out x

@1ce1cebaby no problem. Luckily, my partner only has a mild version of it so this is why he is doing well at the moment providing he is sensible with his diet. His IBD dr did say that if he struggles, they may give him an injection which is another type of medication but hopefully it won’t come to that.

That’s interesting about the infliximab aiding IVF! Hope you are well, as you say it is a horrible disease and I know some people really do suffer with it, it’s awful x