Anyone waiting for first IVF age >35 and looking for support

[MrsMeow2019]

Hi All,

I've been around the boards for the last year TTC, we've had some tests and been diagnosed with Severe Oligospermia, Asthenospermia and 0% morphology. I was convinced our issued would me and thought I might beed a referral for some clomid so this news has come as quite a shock to both DH and me :(

I'm just looking for some positive stories and advice/support I guess. Everything you read says best chances when the woman is under 35 and I am 35! It all seems so doom and gloom.

Most of our friends and family have DC and we constantly get comments about 'not waiting too long'. Knowing what our issues are and waiting for IVF is going to make this so much harder.

A rough google (for the last few days) and HEFA stats show 20-30% success per cycle, all I can think is that 70-80% chance of no baby. 've told a couple of close friends but one of best friends announced she was prego after 2 months TTC on the day we found out about DH's results and I'm feeling life is very unfair and sorry for myself today !

How do you stay sane through all of this? Is anyone else starting the journey who'd like a support board?

Hi
I've been finding it harder since turning 35, feel hyper aware of my age now. We've just been put on the waiting list for IVF after trying for over 4 years. We're down as unexplained as only issue was motility, I can't remember the numbers 🙈 He was a smoker but quit right after the first appointment so we'd qualify for IVF. Really wish I'd got the ball rolling sooner but it took someone telling me about their struggles to go and talking to my mum that made me get things started.
My sister in law is pregnant at the moment and told us about a month after our first appointment and as thrilled as I am for her and her partner it's hard too.
In regards to staying sane I don't think I am 🙈

Hey there,

I'm 35, feeling my age and have got our consenting appointment for IVF coming up in August with our cycle due to start in September if everything goes well. I'm really excited after waiting sooo long but also aware it is more likely this won't work than will.

We have low morphology on his side, raised AMH on mine. That said we're both reasonably healthy, run regularly, don't drink loads or smoke, good BMIs, eat our veggies etc. Been trying for two years now. I read in It Starts With The Egg that CoQ10 is good for women who are older so I've been taking that for a few months now. Also inositol and a prenatal vitamin with folate in.

My sister got pregnant almost accidentally when we were 6 months into TTC which was hard. Life is just not fair is it? Not sure I'm definitely staying sane either @pixelflower !

Up for chatting and supporting!

Hi @pixelflower and @peanutsandpinenuts , it's nice to hear from some people in similar situations but I'm sorry you're going through it.

@pixelflower 4 years is crazy! We've actually 'only' been TTC for 11 months and got our bloods and SA done last month as I was starting to stress that it should have happened by now. It's great your DH is so motivated to have stopped smoking :). Blooming lazy sperm, my DH has low motility too. Luckily he finds it funny, we did joke that his sperm would probs be lazy as he's very chilled in life generally. Having a niece will be lovely but it can't have been easy hearing that new - we can be happy for people but sad for ourselves, it's a difficult set of emotions isn't it.

@peanutsandpinenuts that sounds so exciting, you have a plan and some dates :), September will be here in no time. Do you mind if I ask how long it took between your first appointment and getting a time frame for IVF? I'll look into CoQ10, keen to get my eggs in shape, I haven't had an AMH level yet but my FSH is upper limit of normal so I suspect it's not great. Hmmp the accidental pregnancies are the worst , HOW is it fair that some people get 'accidentally' prego and some of us have to go through this :(.

I've ordered a couple of books on coping with infertility which look good

• Laughing is conceivable and Little something

And found this website which seems helpful
theduff.co.uk/

Good luck ladies #embryobabies!

I'm not in your position but have been, I hope you don't mind me posting but I know when I turned 35, any positive stories were welcome.

I started TTC as soon as I got married as I knew problems were likely, I was diagnosed with PCOS as a teenager. I got married at 33 not far off my 34th birthday. After a few months of trying I went to my GP to get the ball rolling for a referral as I knew investigations were lengthy.
I had a HSG 2 months after my 35th birthday and fell pregnant naturally a month after, this sadly ended in a very traumatic miscarriage at 12 weeks. After 7/8 months of Letrozole (fertility drug) and just as after I turned 36, my consultant referred me for IVF. Once I was through all the waiting times, consent signings, STI screenings, child protection checks etc it was Christmas time and the clinic has a shut down. Three months before my 37th birthday I finally started IVF. We had one round of short protocol and I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant with the results of the IVF. We are also lucky enough to have 3 frozen embryos for future use. I know it feels like time and all odds are stacked against you but IVF works first time for 20-30% of couples and someone has to make up that 25-30% and there is no reason that won't be you so don't give up hope.

@peanutsandpinenuts that's exciting that you have a possible time scale. I'm terrible at remembering to take vitamins, trying though.

@MrsMeow2019 We weren't trying as such the whole time but I came off the pill and we weren't avoiding it so...
So excited for them. She already has two children from a previous relationship but this will be his first.
It's great that your DH can joke about it. Mine is quite sensitive about it, and he's not normally like that. I think it's cause the only issues that came up through tests were with him and he feels he's let me down.
I'll have to have a look at those books and the site.

I'm a bit down today as looks like period is right on track and still can't help hoping that we won't end up successful on our own.

@Pinktruffle thanks for your story, positive stories are definitely needed, congratulations on your pregnancy 😊 you must be so excited ! Did you and your partner tell your family / friends what you were going through ? I’ve told my mum (who went through years on infertility so is a great help) and two close friends, can’t tell my main friendship group as one of my friends annnounced her pregnancy the day we found out we’ll need help and I’m finding it too hard / don’t want to rain on her parade.

@pixelflower sorry you’re feeling down, it’s difficult not to think this could be the month isn’t it because there’s never no chance. Be kind to yourself - chocolate? Amazon shopping ?

I’ve got to pop to hospital to pick up a pot for DHs next SA 😆 he’s working so apparently can’t come along. We’re trying to learn to laugh our way through all of this instead of crying - so far successful about 20% of the time 😆

@MrsMeow2019 From being referred by our GP we got our appointment in about 6 weeks or so with the fertility clinic. From then to now its been about a year but this is inpart 'our fault' we could have pushed for it to happen quicker but we really wanted it to happen naturally and the doctors said it could (but I think they'll always say that tbh if it technically could), so we did all the tests, did a could of rounds of clomid, then lockdown and here we are.

@Pinktruffle Thanks so much for sharing your story. I really appreciate hearing positive IVF tales. Odds are stacked against it happening first time and I'm scared of getting my hopes up. But I've decided that regardless of if I am optimistic or pessimistic it'll be disappointing if it doesn't work... so may as well be optimistic? And as you say for 20 to 30% it will happen first time.

@pixelflower i know what you mean about wishing you got the ball rolling earlier, i think that too... deep down though i know that i can't change the past so no point having regrets. i'd no idea at all it would be this hard. remember at school them telling that if a boy looked at you, you'd be knocked up HAHAHA! ;)

@peanutsandpinenuts it's so variable isn't it. We're waiting for an appointment, I'm hoping we could aim to start treatment end of this year / early next year, I'm considering looking into private treatment if it's much longer than that with my ageing ovaries!

Hope everything goes well for you, I would be the same as you - if there is a chance it could happen naturally that is definitely far better all round. Even if there's only one sperm they can never say never, there's always that one random lucky couple who'll get pregnant with one sperm lol! I read a journal about a couple where the man had

@MrsMeow2019 my close friend circle knew that IVF would be the next step for us but I only told one of them when it actually started. I didn't want to answer questions or be asked how it was going by everyone if it was unsuccessful.

Alongside that, my mum, dad, brother and sister knew as did my manager at work a close friend at work who covered for me during appointments etc. DH chose not to tell anyone even though I encouraged him too. I think he found the IVF tougher than I did (there wasn't really anything he could do and he found that hard, he also gave me my injections which he didn't love but I couldn't do it myself) and I think he would have benefitted from having someone away from the situation to talk to but he didn't want to.

@Pinktruffle @MrsMeow2019 I've been the same in that close friends know that we're going to do IVF but I don't think I'll mention that we are actually going to do it soon. I don't want to have to face 'has it worked' type questions. Also spoken to my family who aren't all that helpful although they try their best. DH's family know but, like your DH @Pinktruffle , he doesn't like talking about it either.

Please don’t feel there’s no hope once you get to 35. I had ivf at 37 for mfi reasons and was successful first time. I’ve since done ivf again at 40 and again was successful first time and am 22 weeks pregnant.

I appreciate I’ve been v v lucky but it does and can happen. Although it was for mfi my amh was never that high (10 aged 37 and 6 aged 40) and I’ve never had so much as a positive test trying naturally. I’m also a massive sugar fiend and comfort eat through stress so I wouldn’t call myself the healthiest either. You just never know, try to stay as positive as your mind will allow you to be.

@MrsMeow2019 a year ago I was in your position, 35 and about to start ivf. I’m now sat here with my 10 day old DS in my arms. As pp said, someone has to make up that 20-30% and why shouldn’t that be you? You’re right to be cautious, I didn’t expect to be successful first time either. But try to keep positive that it does happen.

Hello ladies, I'm 35 as well married for 5 years ttc pretty much from day 1. At first I thought we have been simply unlucky as my DH was away with work a lot. But then as the time passed I started to get worried so we did all the tests and scans and all came back OK. Although I ovulate on my own I was put on Letrozole for 6 months but still no luck. The unexplained infertility really sucks. We are currently on waiting list for Iui/IVF.

I had two colleagues at work both 30-31 who accidentally got pregnant, while eating junk, drinking, smoking, still living at home etc. They were both complaining about being pregnant. Life is so unfair...

@Pinktruffle sorry, I missed your post last night as I spent so long typing mine 🤦‍♀️ Thank you for sharing your story and congratulations!

Honestly, you have to laugh at how the advice changes from when trying to avoid pregnancy to trying. One day it's you can get pregnant anytime, anywhere without even seeing a penis, the next it's you need to have sex on this day at 7:42pm with a man whose penis had been soaked in sheep's urine!

I've spoken to my mum and a few friends about things but not since we officially went on the list.

It's so sad that men don't talk. I know a couple we're friends with were referred but fell pregnant before they got an appointment but don't think the guys have ever spoken about it.

Thank you @Badgerismyname @Betsyboo87 and congratulations!

@Chicasimona I think I find those cases the hardest to cope with. I don't grudge anyone their happiness, I just want to join them in it, but when people didn't even want to get pregnant I end up feeling bitter and I don't like myself much.

Sorry, bit of a ramblely post but just catching up after a lovely day with a friend and her many animals, including playful kittens 😻