The final egg...what to do?

[Rollercoasteride]

We have been on the TTc journey about 7 years now.
Got referred to a specialist 2 years in, because we already have a child (10) my Dr refused to accept anything was wrong.

In a nutshell we need ICSI. So we paid for 2 rounds, got into alot of debt, both rounds didnt work... we have one egg frozen.

The last round was 4 years ago. Since then I have battled with my health (probably the reason why I needed up with a CP), but this is now under control with meds..Then had an accident, which I lost the use of my arm (thankfully I had surgery in Jan and things are so much better), then I lost my mum last year.
Alot has gone on since,I am 37 at the end of the year, my desire for a baby has dwindled, but would still love another. I feel I have aged over the last few years.

So we need to pay in October storage fees again, I want to make a decision to either do a FET now or never.

I dont think hubby wants to go through it all again, but I think I will always be thinking what if?

We are in a much better financial position now.

Would you go ahead with another round if you were in my position? Or would you say that ship has sailed?

I would go ahead.

I could never just let an embryo be destroyed. Likewise I couldn’t donate because if, in 18 years, someone contacted me saying they had been born from my embryo, I would torture myself over how life could have been so different.

However, we remortgaged, took bank loans, spent on credit cards to the tune of around £40,000 in my desperation to have ICSI baby number 2 so my view isn’t the most balanced.

If it were me I would also go ahead, especially if you are now more financially stable, and there was an egg there.

I suppose are you more likely to look back and say ‘what if’ if you don’t give it a go or are you more likely to regret giving it a go?

Thanks @Evey43 and @MrsMcCarthysFamousScones.

I feel the same way. Definitely couldn't give it away...I feel torn, because it will be hard to convince hubby I think. The whole process nearly destroyed us. He blamed himself.
But I need closure, the chances are it wont work, and I am prepared for that. I just want to move on, either with a baby or without...the decision has been hanging over us for years

The other thing is that hubby doesn't see the egg as anything, just a bunch of cells, so he is just detached from it all

Is it an egg or an embryo?

@EarlGreyT sorry, it's a day 3 embryo

I think I would also want to transfer it if I was in your shoes or I’d be wondering “what if” If I didn’t.

When you say the process nearly destroyed us, are you referring to your relationship with your partner? If you’re in an emotionally better place now and your partner considers the embryo as a ball of cells then do you think the process would be less traumatic this time?

I’m also wondering if it is a day 3 embryo whether there would be the option of defrosting it and seeing if it gets to day 5 before doing a transfer. I
don’t know whether that might be psychologically easier for you both?

definitely transfer ❤️

@EarlGreyT all very good points. Especially waiting to see if it reaches 5 days

@EarlGreyT, yes it nearly destroyed our relationship...well TTC in general after a year or so in.
I was so upset every month not being pregnant, then everyone around me was getting pregnant...then I would feel guilty for feeling this way as we already had DS.

The hospital thought it was a male fertility issue, so obviously me being upset every month, upset hubby...it was a dark time. I think we should offer counselling free with the treatment, we just couldn't afford to pay it at the time.

After all the events since the last transfer, like I said my feelings for another child has dwindled (or maybe its normal feelings), I dont get upset every month, it doesn't bother me if someone has a baby.

I think I will have a battle trying to convince hubby, as I think he will be worried how I would react if it doesn't work.

In my mind I have convinced myself it wont work, but also convinced myself we need to do the transfer....I am worried this will drive a wedge between us though.

Good idea about the 5 day transfer, I've not spoken to the clinic in years, I will find out x

We are all different but I personally wouldn't do another transfer. Spend all your love, energy and money on your husband and DS. A ttc journey can be very tough and we shouldn't forget about the feelings of our partner either. If you had difficulties in the past why would open that wound again?

@Chicasimona I think the reasons you have mentioned are the reasons why hubby doesn't want to do a transfer. I totally get it.

Where as I will be thinking... what if... I think I would be more upset destroying an embryo, than atleast give it a chance...if it works it works..

Sadly I think the this might pull us apart, as we are totally on different pages on this

It's such a tough one.I think this could be less traumatic tho than previously. There's no stims, it's just a single round of FET. If you wanted you could do natural cycle too so minimal drugs. Plus you know this is it / in some ways that adds pressure but in others it is easier as it has a definite end point.

My DP and I have a similar feeling about our frozen embryos - I see them as potential babies and he sees them a biological waste. If we have any left over when we complete our family this is definitely going to be an issue.