Has anyone had an success arguing with nhs

[ClaryFray]

Hi guys,

Has anyone had any success getting the choice for refusal to treat overturned on the nhs.?

I am infertile. 31. One child from a previous relationship aged 10. Partner is 39, two children from previous relationship ages 9 and 5. The issue is with me blocked tubes, they will remove but they won't offer ivf despite nice quidelines saying I am entitled to three rounds.

I can't afford ivf, I am working part time and to save that amount of money would take years. I'm not able to get loans etc bad credit from poor life choices.

My mental health is at an all time low. I've been suicidal more times than I care to admit. My relationship is in tatters and will be over it the ability to have ivf isn't found somehow. I hate my partners children as a result of this, I resent them being around. I've had therapy but again only entitled to 10 appointments and they didn't help.

I'd like some advice on where to go next because I feel, I just feel like life isn't worth it anymore.

You have a child from a previous relationship so that normally means you aren’t eligible for IVF but it depends on your area. 3 rounds is only a guideline, lots of areas offer 0, 1 or 2. It all depends on the area you live in

Being blunt but l have found talking to the NHS a waste of time especially about fertility issues. I’ve given up basically and lm saving my breath.

I've never heard of anyone being allowed it on NHS when one has a child, let alone two having a child. Sorry :(

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate though and I know it's so easy to think that another child might help solve the issues but I think you should try work things out with your partner just now too.

I have seen some grants around that offer IVF funding for people who can't go NHS so that might be an option for you too look into?

Wish you all the best!

It sounds like you are going through an awful lot. My heart goes out to you.

I would urge you to speak to someone about how you are feeling whether it be GP or a mental health service in your area.

Xx

your not entitled to free ivf on the nhs if you or your partner have children.. it doesn’t matter if they are from a different relationship either... I had no children and my partner had no children and they only allowed me 1 cycle on the nhs... I had to pay for the 2nd round
life should be worth living for your one child you do have

Good luck what ever you do

Thank you for the responses. I was a little worried about being flammed.

There is a lot to unpack I admit and it's more feeling like I've failed as a women than anything else. I'm just looking at options because sitting around twiddling my thumbs makes my mental health worse.

I'm due to speak to my gp this week, but curious on others experiences with challenging the nhs before making a choice on pushing it forward

This comes up often in an IVF group I’m on. Sadly it’s unlikely you’ll be successful as you have your own child (plus your partner’s children). Very occasionally I’ve heard of them funding if the mother doesn’t have a child but unfortunately not if you have already had a child.

As someone with a vanishingly unlikely chance of having even one child, I’d (with the greatest possible kindness) suggest putting your energies into making peace with what you have. Failing that I’d also look into ABC fertility who offer cheaper packages of £2.5k/round. At 31, you still have a lot of time on your side.

Lastly, IVF is one of the most stressful things you can do to your relationship (we’ve spent £17k and still no baby) so if it isn’t in a good place at the outset, it may be very difficult to cope if things don’t go to plan. You need to go into this as one rock solid team.

I think you next move should be to work on your mental health and your relationship. I also think building a good relationship with your partner's children should be high on your list of priorities too. It's worrying you say you 'hate' them... it must be horrible a small child to feel that your stepmother resents you being around.

Finally, as lots of people have said I don't think there is any arguing with the NHS over this - you have had a child, your partner has children. The little funding there is, is for people who don't.

You have a child. You are a mother and incredibly lucky. I would love to be in your position. It sounds like you need counselling rather than IVF.

First of all, if your partner would leave you if you couldn't have another child,then he's a shit partner and you're better off without him.
Secondly, frommwhat you've said, you sound like your mental health is recalling struggling at the moment, so attempting IVF would be too challenging anyway.
Please speak to your gp about how you're feeling.

Some CCGs in my area fund if one partner has a child (even if it's the woman) but one of you has to be childless. I have never known any exception to this rule

Also to add, anyone wanting to be considered as an exception to the rules would need to have their GP submit an IFR (individual funding request) to the CCG, this would then go to a panel to be assessed. You would be required to display how you were 'clinically exceptional' to all other couples in the same position as you. I have seen loads of IFRs be submitted and have never seen one accepted for things like wanting an extra cycle to be in line with Nice guidelines, or not meeting the criteria but wanting to be accepted anyway. The ones I have seen be passed are for things like zero fertilisation when only granted 1 cycle, patients ovulating before theatre, needing to change funding to donor eggs due to premature ovarian failure etc. I would also imagine those who passed the age cut off due to covid may be offered some flexibility.

Without sounding too harsh you both have other children so there's not really any chance they will fund you.

And if your relationship is going to fall apart because of not being able to do IVF then you really shouldn't be looking towards another baby right now.

I'd highly recommend speaking to your gp and getting in to see a councellor. You're still young - you have time. Get your problems sorted and then look to have a baby - you can't expect a baby to fix problems, it won't it will just make them work.

@Lauren83 l have never heard of any exceptions to this rule either

I work within the system.
In my area you would have zero chance of getting IVF on the NHS. Where I work, couples are entitled to one IVF process on the NHS as long as one half of the couple has never had a child previously.
I have seen two couples successfully challenge the system and get further IVF - both had a baby die either shortly before or very shortly after delivery from their first IVF pregnancy. With both of those there was months of fighting to get their second IVF process. Without those tragedies there would have been zero chance.

At the end of the day those funds for IvF are there for people who are not parents to help them become a parent and have a child when they need ART. You are already a parent and in my opinion should not be given the funding which should instead go to someone who is trying to become a parent and going through the heartbreak of being without a child.

Also you say you are suicidal. What about your child? Does she not matter?

I’m sorry if this is harsh. I would love a child and can’t believe how you seem to have just dismissed the lovely little girl you have.