Feeling so low...

[weebee123]

My partner and I have been trying to conceive for nearly 4 years. Since stopping the pill my periods have been all over the place. I spot for several days before and after my period with my actual period only lasting 2 days max.

Around the 3 year mark, I managed to fall pregnant naturally. Unfortunately though I had a missed miscarriage and our baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. Never heard a heartbeat.

11 months later, I fell pregnant again and the same thing happened. Stopped growing at 6 weeks, again no heartbeat.

I was told that as it’s taking me so long to get pregnant and that because I couldn’t seem to hold onto a pregnancy that my best bet would be IVF as it would provide further investigations and possible treatment that could help maintain the pregnancy if successful.

I keep getting told that I am lucky to be able to get pregnant naturally but I can’t feel grateful when I’ve had two pregnancies and no babies.

We had a consultation for IVF today which was disappointing to say the least. I was told that we should just keep trying naturally and if in say 6 months time nothing has happened we can get in touch. They weren’t interested from the get go, just said as I’m 33 and have gotten pregnant twice before myself I shouldn’t be jumping to IVF. The meeting lasted 15 minutes instead of the hour that we were told.

I suppose I feel there’s an underlying issue with me, perhaps linked to the spotting or whatever else could be going on inside me. I have seen so many consultants, been to every hospital in my area at some point and had several tests done but I just feel like I’m getting nowhere.

I thought going to a private clinic there would be a different approach, I thought they would be able to properly investigate and tailor treatment for my situation, obviously I was naive to think that. I have been left feeling disheartened. No one seems to want to help me. I feel so low. I’m not even sure why I’m sharing this as I know no one will have answers for me but I honestly feel like I have nowhere else to turn. I have a supportive husband but ultimately he feels the same as me. While I may be classed as “young”, my husband is 36 and we’ve been trying for 4 years. This has been our lives for what feels like forever and we’re just so sad 😞

I'm so sorry @weebee123 ❤️ our experiences are so similar. We've been ttc for over 2.5 years, no pregnancies for the first 16 months and then a surprise pregnancy but I had a missed miscarriage. I concieved quickly after that loss but it was exactly the same, no heartbeat, measuring small for dates. Neither babies grew much beyond 5.5 weeks. I've also had a very early loss this year.

We are persuing IVF now - was yours nhs funded? It's really hard not to compare to others, but I'm finding I'm really having to push back on the system for anything to happen. We're waiting to move our funding to a private clinic, but if that doesn't go through soon I'm tempted to go private. I can't keep doing this.

Have you had your thyroid checked? Mine is only slightly raised but I'm on levothyroxine now. I have had recurrent tests but no answers, so I had the nk cells biopsy, but that's normal too. So we're no closer to answers or our baby.

With regards to the spotting it could be low progesterone, but my recurrent mc clinic told me I'd need to have 4 losses before they'd give it to me - ivf you get it as part of the protocol.

I had a free consultation as part of an open evening at a clinic and the consultant agreed that ivf would give them a better look at my eggs and his sperm so that would give us more insight.

I can completely relate to life being consumed by ttc and baby loss xx

I'm sorry you didn't have a good experience?!

I'm surprised because I had several miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy and decided to go down the IVF route as felt the NHS recurrent miscarriage clinic weren't interested in helping us and my clinic - Create - were really helpful. I think I was about 35 at the time. I do recall the Dr Doctor saying that id probably get pregnant on my own with time but if the NHS weren't interested in helping us with progesterone or blood thinning support to see if that would help then they would and it would also give us the opportunity to see what was happening during a cycle in terms of hormone levels, follicle numbers and growth and what my eggs looked like and what was happening between days 3 and 5 after fertilisation and what sort of blastocysts we were making - all important factors in getting/staying pregnant. And actually after the first cycle it showed my egg quality wasn't great at all and goes some way to explaining our issues and it's taken us 4 further cycles and 18 months to get to a point that found the right mix of drugs etc and i got a BFP last week. (Of course early days and don't know if I'll miscarry this one as well)

I would speak to another clinic but beware that most of them will just jump at the opportunity to sign you up because at the end of the day it's cash in the bank for them and many of them are just interested in making money

@VenusStarr

I go to the recurrent miscarriage clinic at Heartlands hospital and despite 5 miscarriages they still refused to offer me progesterone despite me asking. Create on the other hand offered it straight away when I managed to conceive naturally in between IVF cycles and tried everything they could think of to stop us miscarrying - it didn't work but at least they were prepared to try. I don't have any Confidence in the NHS clinics now

@VenusStarr - I’m so sorry for your losses ❤️ it never gets easier and it’s so rubbish that we have to go through things like this.

We had been referred to the infertility unit at our local NHS hospital after a year of trying. To be honest, after all this time we just don’t have much faith in them. It felt like they were following a ‘one size fits all’ protocol and the waiting time for appointments made me feel like the years were just flying by. After what I feel has been little to no help through the NHS, we decided to look to a private clinic. I just felt like I didn’t want to wait around anymore and I thought they would kind of take the reins so to speak and do proper investigations or offer solutions so I guess that’s why I’m so disappointed with today’s consultation.

Ive not had my thyroid checked so maybe that will be something that will need to be done.

I’ve had the day 21 progesterone test done which came back fine, however, I read somewhere that you should get another test after you ovulate as well to see if the levels of progesterone are dropping. When I read that, I thought that could be what’s happening with me. Maybe I am able to get pregnant but it fails due to the drops in the progesterone levels. If only I could find someone interested enough in me to test for this!

To be fair to the consultant today he did say if we want to proceed now, they would treat us. However said if I was his daughter, his genuine advice would be to keep trying for next few months then come back to him. He said IVF is a lot of money and a big step so to be sure before taking the plunge if you may not need to, which I appreciate but it doesn’t make it any easier. I think if I felt confident that the treatment would be tailored to me to try and prevent losses then I would go ahead now but he's made me feel like it’s very much get you pregnant then you’re on your own to see if you miscarry or not which, even though it takes me time, I can do myself.

@ivfgottostaypositive - I’m so sorry to hear of your losses and everything that you have been through. However, I am pleased to hear your good news Congratulations on your BFP! I really do hope you have a safe and healthy pregnancy with a beautiful baby at the end ❤️

Your experience of a private clinic sounds much more like I was hoping for. I know in myself that if you’re miscarrying a pregnancy then there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it but I just wish the consultant today had given me some reassurance that they would do everything they could to help me along.

I’m based in Scotland and the clinic we went to is number 1 in reputation and success rates, so it’s just added to the disheartening feeling.

My partner and I are going to take some time to think about how we feel, perhaps we can try again in the meantime and if it doesn’t happen then we can look into other options, other clinics, the saga continues....

@VenusStarr and @ivfgottostaypositive - I’m wishing you both the best of luck on your journeys. Here’s hoping that we all get everything we are wishing for ❤️