Support/tips

[BKB27]

Hi all. This is my first mesaage/thread on here and I guess I'm looking for support. I have been ttc for 3 years now with my husband. We have had 2 miscarriages and were meant to start out ivf hour eye before lockdown. I'm really struggling with being happy for friends and family who are all announcing pregnancies. I feel guilty angry sad and selfish all at the same time. I'm happy for them as they have achieved what I ache for but it just makes me feel more empty.Anyone have any tips on how to cope a bit better with others happy news? Does this make me a bad friend?

Hi there, it's hard to not compare yourself with others and feeling bad about someone else's happiness is something that many people here have experienced. Counseling helped me at my lowest with IVF. But ultimately everyone's life is different and one day you'll be happy that friends have babies and can share tips or stuff with you. My good friend had two kids since we started trying, both conceived first time! Some people are lucky. One day you'll be lucky too!

Also wanted to add that I have friends who are still single at 35 and feel like I am lucky I have a loving DH with whom I can start planning a family albeit trough IVF. I always though of these friends when feeling like complaining about my life.

Hi @viletta. Thank you for responding. You're right, as hard as it is sometimes, you have to focus on what you do have and be grateful. I am looking into counselling as I am sure it will help. We will both be lucky soon!

We are in the same boat. When I felt really really down my husband told me he married me for me and not for a child. Of course he wants one but he said if it doesn't happen so be it, we still have each other. X

Hi @Chicasimona. That's such a beautiful thing for him to say. I'm really lucky that my husband is so supportive as well. It's just hard sometimes not to feel resentful and frustrated. I am trying to focus on work and have started reading some books to help me focus on the positive. Hope it helps and we all get what we want soon!

Hi @BKB27, I know exactly how you feel. Over the past few years I went through many different emotions. I was angry, frustrated, full of guilt, avoiding friends with kids just hating life in general. Most of these negative thoughts are gone now but I'm still having anxiety and insomnia in the two week wait. I'm finding really hard to relax and not to think of what day I am in my cycle etc.
Does your family and friends know you are Ttc?

@Chicasimona it's so hard to control those feelings especially in the 2ww. I've come off instagram and all social media because I couldnt cope with the constant baby photos and announcements either. My family and in laws found out we were ttc when we miscarried the first time (found out at 3 month scan - missed miscarriage) and a few friends know. They try and support me but they dont always say the right thing as they luckily havnt been through it. My in laws are very prying so I try to avoid!

How about you, do you have friends and family to talk to as well as your husband?

Hi @BKB27, unfortunately my family is ignorant and gives zero support so I spend a minimal time with them. But I have opened up to few colleagues and it feels better not to hold it to myself.
I really think everything is happening in life for a reason but not ready to give up yet.
Do you know what could be the potential issue for you guys? Ours is classed as unexplained which sucks X

@chicasimona I'm sorry to hear that. I have had lots of stupid comments from my on laws so I know how hard it is. I'm glad you have colleagues to open up to. I found more support than ever on sites like this as people really understand what you're going through.

I agree I feel everything happens for a reason but I struggle to think what the reason for all of this is. Ours is unexplained too. My doctor says that's better than having a problem as usually they cant be resolved but I feel it would be better to know rather than think why is this happening! I'm trying hard to be positive and hopeful that it will happen for us all.

What do you think your next steps will be? We are going for ivf.

Good morning @BKB27,
I'm having phone colsultation with my Dr on Tuesday, I think he will push for IVF but I'm desperate to try Iui, let's see what he says.
I did tons of research and our situation is not so gloomy after all.
On YouTube I was watching Dr Anil Gudi videos, very educational. This guy has a clinic in London, Fertility Plus, Harley Street. The guy is an angel, he does free online seminars every week. I sign up every week and ask my stupid questions. I live in the North so unlikely will have treatments in his clinic but the guy has boosted me so much and said half of his patients are unexplained. You can register on Eventbrite for the seminar, it is either on Sat or Sun at 7pm.
I also read a lot about the traditional Chinese medicine, Randine Lewis: infertility cure has given me answers as well.
Best of luck with your IVF but don't panic, there are other options for us. X

Morning @chicasimona. Thanks for those links they sound really interesting. I'm in the north as well but did consider travelling down to Harley street. Was planning in starting accupuncture aswell before thisbdtarted. I had a few physio sessions where she told me my pelvis was tilted. Not sure if that has an effect on anything but you never know.

Im glad that these youtube sessions have helped. Its comforting when you see that other people have gone through something similar but still managed to have a baby.

It's been 3 years of trying and losses etc and it really takes its toll mentally and emotionally.

Hi @BKB27,
I did acupuncture but wasn't taking the herbs because I was on Letrozole. If you look at acupuncture make sure the practitioner is specialized in fertility and not a general acupuncturist who knows the fertility points. The book by Randine Lewis takes about acupuncture, herbs etc and gives an explanation for miscarriages as well. This book is also available on YouTube but it is a lot of information to take in I prefer a book but please listen to it you will get a flavor of the cience behind it.
It must be even harder for you because you did get pregnant and you had to deal with the loss as well. Unfortunately we didn't have our Bfp yet I'm 35 and panicking about my age, we been trying for 3 years as well. X

@chicasimona how did you find the accupuncture? Did you find it relaxing? I will definitely have a look at that boom although I dont think any practices will be open before I start my ivf.

It is hard, having felt the joy of being pregnant well the first time and then having it taken away. The second time I got pregnant I was just scared the entire te before I miscarried. It's hard for us all though those who want and those who have had and lost. I worry about my age too (33) but we are still young in the grand scheme of it and people much older have luckily conceived and had healthy babies.

@BKB27 I loved acupuncture, very relaxing. My clinic is offering acupuncure as well recommended for IVF patients before and right after the transfer. Not sure though when will acupuncture resume. Good luck with your ivf hopefully you will have you spring 21 baby X

@chicasimona that's fab, will definitely look into it when they can re-open, whenever that will be. Thank you, wishing you all the best too x x