So low - anybody give me hope!

[Shamoo]

My partner and I started IVF a year ago. We are both women, so it was straight to IVF and, being totally honest, I was quite blasé about it in hindsight.

I was 38 when I had eggs removed - 7 5 day blastos so seemed to go really well. I felt like death from the trigger, and so was not that surprised when the transferred embryo didn’t take.

Since then have had 2 FET - each of which took but led to missed miscarriage: both stopped growing at 6wks5 days. The second I had had a scan with a heartbeat so didn’t find out until just around 9 weeks. Both miscarries went ok, passed naturally at home.

Had two more FET 2 weeks ago. Got a faint positive test but now negative today and pretty sure not stuck as don’t have much in the way of symptoms (I suspect they are from the cyclogest).

So one more FE left, but we are thinking of not using it and just doing another whole round with new donor. If Covid passes I may get in just before I turn 40, but maybe not.

It just seems like such a battle and the stats are so depressing. Everyone I know seems to be having babies. Five of my friends (also gay) have had transfers and worked first time in the last year, so I feel really lonely. Not jealousy, just lonely.

Have had every blood test going and they can’t find any reason at all. Everything looks great apparently.

Can anybody give me any hope please!!! (Although sometimes I think it’s the hope that makes the pain so bad, I still need it!)

I'm so sorry to hear about your pain. You have gone through such a horrible experience with so much loss- it is really understandable that you are feeling low. I'm not sure if this will give you hope but I found the question and answer session of professor Robert Winston of the Genesis research trust quite useful (genesisresearchtrust.com/askrobert/)
He regularly talks about recurrent FET failure with the argument that it may suggest that something has gone wrong in the process and all those wonderful embryos have sadly been exposed to the same problem. He says that women may have a more successful chance if they try again from scratch- so a completely new IVF cycle. He also argues that women are encouraged to do IVF but when donor sperm is used and there is absolutely no problem for the woman- a series of IUI may be more successful (especially when women are older).
I really hope this is useful. Take care!

Sorry this is the right link to previous questions and answers: genesisresearchtrust.com/askrobert/questions-and-answers/
Xx

Hi Shamoo. I’m really sorry for your losses.

Have you had investigations for Natural Killer Cells? I had my first round of IVF at 36, got three embryos. The fresh transfer resulted in my son, lost one to thaw and third was a miscarriage. I then had another round and got five embryos, had four transfers and three ended in miscarriage at around 6.5 weeks. Last one didn’t take at all.

We decided to try one last round and throw everything at it, and consultant said the last avenue to explore was natural killer cell testing. She felt it may explain why I was miscarrying seemly good quality embryos, especially as I have previously had successful treatment.

Had the expensive tests done and luckily managed to complete treatment before they shut down due to Covid. Got three embryos and I am now very anxiously 6 weeks pregnant. On quite a heavy regime of steroids, progesterone and blood thinners. I am really hoping that this has made the difference. Previously I have had spotting or bleeding around 6 weeks, but only time will tell, but it might be worth exploring if you haven’t already? Wishing you all the best

@Matilda128 That’s really interesting what Dr Robert says about recurring FET, haven’t seen that before

Thank you both so much - I really appreciate the time you have taken to reply, and such helpful insights. I will definitely look at the Q&A session and off to do lots more googling now around what you have both shared. Thanks so much, @Matilda128 and ByTheSeaCatsandAll

Got another faint one this afternoon. I think I must have been pregnant but chemical pregnancy.

@ByTheSeaCatsandAll I have only ever seen this being discussed by him. But he's such a pioneer and authority in the field and when he explains it it does makes sense. Congratulations

@Shamoo if you still have a faint positive- isn't there still hope? Apparently symptoms aren't always present and it differs from pregnancy to pregnancy. I had an early miscarriage and the nurses kept giving me hope until the tests were definitely clear (it wasn't very helpful at the time to be honest- but they were right in principle). Don't Google too much- my obsessive research drives me mad at times. All the best and take care xxx

I meant to say @ByTheSeaCatsandAll I really hope it all goes well for you - massive fingers crossed!

Thank you @Matilda128 - my previous pregnancies were much darker by now, and it’s not getting darker at all. It just hasn’t felt right at any point. Clinic closed until next Tuesday now so will just carry on with cyclogest anyway so won’t get my period. It’s like a form of torture i swear! Thanks loads for your support x

Thankyou @Shamoo and @Matilda128, have got a scan next Friday so will see then...

Did you test again this morning @Shamoo? It really is torturous, and I think traumatic. All the waiting and hoping. Just do whatever you have to do to get through the next few days and be kind to yourself xx

Hi @ByTheSeaCatsandAll - yes tested today and a negative today, so am considering it done now. Thanks for your kind words! Next time I hope.
Will be thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed xxx

I’m really really sorry it was negative. IVF is such a horrible rollercoaster. Give yourself time to grieve. Thinking of you too xx