New(ish) to this part of Mumsnet, but confused about what now

[theotherfossilsister]

Hello - I'm newish to the infertility part of Mumsnet despite lurking and maybe posting on a few threads.

We've only been trying 16 months, just got period today and super dashing, especially with all the talk of Corona Boomers, and people being like 'ahahahahah people will have sex and then babies will happen,' while other women I know are getting their appointments cancelled, which seems hugely unjust.

Anyway - just before all this I had all my bloods and we had STD tests. All normal, progesterone 52 on day 21 (although that was a short cycle, only 27 days, if relevant.)

DP was meant to drop off sperm sample around now, as referral cannot go ahead until they have it, but they've shuttered everything. I know it's far worse for women who are in the midst of fertility treatment to have it snatched away, but I just wondered where we go now?

I had a very late heavy period in January, when I hadn't taken a test, but GP said possible MC, which implies infertility is maybe somehow my fault/something wrong with my womb, and I am keen to find out. Anyone have any ideas?

Is there anything we can do in the meantime?

If one more person announces a 'just had one shag during quarantine' baby, I am going to scream.

Hi, sorry you’re joining us over here and having difficulties.

I completely feel you on the baby boom, all I’ve seen the last two days is announcements and babies born. It’s totally soul destroying and I’ve done nothing but cry.

We’re at a fairly similar point to you, had all bloods, husband had his sperm analysis and I had a transvaginal scan. My scan showed that I have a low follicle count. Husbands SA was perfect and above average.

We were due to go back to the fertility clinic in June to discuss but obviously that looks unlikely, I’m wondering whether we will get a phone call.

Maybe this is something that can happen for you?

I understand that GPs etc see this as non emergency and in the current climate I totally understand but it’s heartbreaking when you’re left in limbo.

I recently started coq10, maybe read up about supplements that may help and start those whilst you wait?

Your prog was higher than mine, mine was 32 or 36 I think, can’t quite remember so that seems positive to me!
Best of luck with it all, come on here to rant about social media posts... I find it helps haha. X

Unless you had a positive test, please for your own sanity don't get hung up on 'was it or wasn't it'? Irresponsible of the gp to even suggest it without evidence. Sometimes periods are weird.

And miscarriages are not anyone's fault in the vast vast vast majority of cases. They happen and mostly a cause is never found. So please don't feel bad about a weird period.

Thank you both, I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. We are healthy, in early thirties, having regular sex. Neither of us smoke, or drink to excess, so I feel there must be something wrong with me.

I do have an autoimmune disorder, but went off medication to try to conceive, and was told the ai disorder wouldn't stop it happening. Would like to have a baby, then go back on the medication though, as my joints are deteriorating during the wait.

It's horrible, isn't it, the waiting, then the disappointment, then starting again, and all the people round you getting pregnant easily? I find it so hard, even with counselling.

@theotherfossilsister oh my goodness so do I! My rheumatologist has told me that it “shouldn’t” affect fertility however the low follicle count can be caused by autoimmune diseases.

My best friend announced she’s pregnant so that was tough. I’m happy for others but so sad for us.

We are just like you, both early thirties and healthy (other than my arthritis)

I have no advice on how to make you feel better because I’m exactly the same. Then my friends and family say to stop stressing as it won’t help- thanks for the advice!!!

There's a lot we don't know about fertility. We do know that some autoimmune disorders have an impact. But like I said, there's a lot that is unknown...

I was early thirties too and no issue was ever found... but it took a couple years but our first round of ivf was (very very luckily) successful.

@Thewait2020 I have RA too and Sjogren's but was told it wouldn't affect our ability to conceive as long as I'd been off Methotrexate for six months prior to beginning to try. Have now been off mtx since early 2018, and started trying in November that year.

I was thinking of consulting a nutritionist (a friend's mum works in this area) but DP thinks it is faddy, and would be bad for me to restrict my diet. He is a strong believer in modern medicine, which is great, but with everything closed down, I am flailing round for other options. A friend of mine tried Keto and it helped her, but she had a very different illness to me (chronic fatigue) so not sure if this would help.

@physicskate It's great it worked for you. Are you OK to tell me how you prepared your body for IVF? So much I have read about IVF has been about it not working (like on the How To Fail podcast with Elizabeth Day, who is excellent, but her story is so heartbreaking.)

And yes, being told to stop stressing is really unhelpful. I think the best advice I have had (but advice I struggle to follow) is to stress constructively - to take charge of your stress and take steps - ie. today I will call my friend's mum who's a nutritionist for a chat, this feels, to me, like constructive stressing.

Other days I might just see babies everywhere and cry my eyes out when I get home, which is pretty unconstructive stressing really, but I can't always manage it.

I didn't do keto, but for at least 3/4 months before our cycle, I did high protein/ low gi diet. I took ALL the supplements in 'it starts with the egg' for at least three months.

I started on levothyroxine about 6 weeks before the round started (I've been off and on it a few times in my life with borderline levels. Could be I have a slight auto immune issue?

And I did acupuncture every day for at least a month (got very expensive, but made me feel like I was doing what I could to help). Obvs can't do that right now. I do think it helped me at least mentally,

Relaxing is nice and all, but was never something I was good at.

@physicskate Ah, I have It Starts With The Egg, I put off getting the supplements as they seem so expensive and I kept thinking it would happen, but I might start taking them.

How does high protein/low GI work, is it just like it sounds, or are there more complicated rules? (Ie. you are allowed x amount of this.) I like rules because it feels like I have something to follow.

I too am bad at relaxing. It's fantastic that your IVF worked. So so wonderful.

I didnt follow very specific rules, but it was similar to the south beach diet, I think? It wasn't to lose weight (and I don't think I lost more than a few pounds in the months I did it. Oh and no caffeine.

It's just anecdotal though that it worked for me. I shopped around for the supplements. I didn't spend more than £120 for four months' worth...

Thanks @physicskate - I don't need to lose weight, but wouldn't mind if that was a consequence, as long as too much doesn't go (can afford to lose half a stone and still look/feel OK)

£120 on four months' worth is amazing.

(No Caffeine sounds hard, but if that is what it takes.)

Don't get hung up on blame, OP. I think the terrible thing about infertility is how angry we can become with our bodies for betraying us!

When I went for tests and everything came back perfect, doctor told me it could only be because my eggs are 36 years old. Well no actually, the first time I went to the docs about my infertility was when I was 26! And during IVF I got 27 eggs, 22 fertilized, 10 high quality embryos frozen. First embryo transferred resulted in this pregnancy, so no egg quality issues at all. Just a big fat mystery. I went from worrying I'd never be a mum to feeling like I can't believe my luck. I know many women aren't so fortunate.

I'm not sure if anything I did helped physically or if it was always going to work brilliantly for me, but it certainly made me feel better to research and pay attention to diet and supplements etc. If had my time again, I probably wouldn't waste it 'relaxing' if that were even possible!

Thank you @Shmabel, you made me feel better as I am early thirties heading for mid thirties, and keep thinking about my haggard old eggs, like mini Miss Havishams, getting all old and decrepit.

I am going to speak to an acupuncturist and dietician, and she will advise me on implantation. I do feel down, because it seems so hard to find the answer x