What’s the need for the sly / martyr like comments?

[EL8888]

My longest friend always has to make sly comments e.g. we are moving house, we mention more space for our records. To be met with “oooh it must lovely to just have to just think about that, people with no children have that luxury l suppose”. We are just trying to make the most of things. We would love to have issues like fitting a cot in our bedroom, worrying about the stairs being too steep etc. But after trying for the best part of 2 years to conceive, we have got nowhere, 1 round of IVF and the unexplained infertility diagnosis / non-diagnosis. She knows all of this by the way, it’s not a secret

At EVERY opportunity she has to tell me how she hard she has it and l in contrast have it so easy. Even innocuous comments get used again me, l mention Clomid makes me so tired and l was nearly late for work as l couldn’t wake up. In the next breath she tells me how hard SHE has it as she has to get up at 5.30am and how lucky l am to lie in (l would hardly call 7.30am a lie in but anyway!). It’s kind of obvious lm never going to have that problem and does she have to rub it in all the time?

Even when IVF failed she barely showed any interest and couldn’t be bothered realising how upset we were. It’s pretty clear we can’t be friends anymore. I’m sick of her attitude and thoughtlessness. She had some fertility issues in the past but l gave her a world of support and understanding

She's no friend, cut ties. Sounds like a bloody nasty cow.

That sounds really tough on you - I'm afraid your friend doesn't sound very supportive or kind.

The reasons a person has/hasn't got kids is nobody else's business, and to assume someone without kids has it easier is ignorant and I'll informed. People have a multitude of different commitments other than kids, and tiredness isn't the exclusivity of parents.

I'd slowly wind the friendship down if you want to - or start answering back with a short and pointed reply.

She is no friend.

Fuck her off. You are better off without her in your life.
Apply Marie Kondo: does she spark joy? (Ever) No. Discard.

I agree wholeheartedly with the above, she is no friend. She is enjoying rubbing your nose in your childlessness. That is genuinely nasty.

Just for clarity there is no major back story for her. She’s not a single parent with a large number of children and financial issues. Her husband is supportive, he works 9-5 Monday to Friday and she works 4 days. No financial issues. Children have no additional needs, 1 is at primary school and 1 is at nursery

It’s concerning her self-awareness is so poor. For example she genuinely wonders why l don’t fancy a nice family day out. Well; 1) lm tired 2) l don’t want to get up early and 3) “family friendly days out” aren’t that easy for me at this time

What she says grates massively. Especially the air of martyr dom. it’s getting more cringey and annoying

That kind of shit is irritating anway, but given your situation it is particularly obnoxious. I can understand someone trying to perhaps bolster you by pointing out the positives, but complaining about her 'lot' in life while you struggle is unbelievably crass and insensitive.

She sounds like a bellend and you would probably feel a lot better if you left her to her hard-knock life and focussed on friends who aren't selfish twats.

Do you know what, she's jealous of you and she's no friend. What a bitch !

@HouseTornado her mastermind subject is “why my life is harder than everyone else’s, especially people with no children”. Even minor comments l may make, get worked up into something where she has it harder. I’m curious if she jumps down everyone else’s throat so much

I’ve been super polite so far e.g. part of me thinks why have 2 children of you find it all so hard? Why work full time if you don’t want to (she doesn’t have to work but chooses to). She was annoyed about going back to work after 1 year off

We are barely speaking at the moment

It's disgusting that she is so insensitive of what you are going through. Honestly, have no qualms in cutting her off. With or without explanation.

@Alyic that thought has flicked through my mind. But of what?! Physically and mentally lm crap, still trying to lose the IVF weight. My partner is amazing but it’s all put so much pressure on our relationship. Last year l ended up quitting my job as my sick record was so poor, l have got a new job and it’s ok

She is not your friend. Next time she says anything tell her to fuck off, the unfeeling cow.

I think based on what you've said she's not going to help your long term happiness.

Some people see parenting as a competition, sadly. Everybody has it hard, and if you have kids they are your responsibility, no one elses. Why some parents feel the need to punch down I do not know.

Start a bit of social distancing! And look after yourself. Are there any support groups you can access to help talk things through with someone? Only if you want to, of course!