Letting go of frozen embryos - how do you know, what did you do with them?

[PeterPomegranate]

We have frozen embryos leftover from successful treatment 5 years ago. Each year we’ve paid the storage fee and invoice time has come round again. We have 2 children and I’m in my mid-40s now so perhaps it’s time to let go but when my husband and I have discussed previously we haven’t been able to decide so we’ve put off for another year.

But it costs hundreds of pounds each year and I’m wondering whether we will ever ‘just know’. How can you be sure 100% there are no circumstances you’d want to try again?

I don’t feel comfortable donating the embryos to another couple and our children having a sibling out there somewhere.

It’s illogical but I feel a bit funny about research or training. But I don’t know whether I could / should overcome that to improve the treatment options we benefited from.

But if not that leaves disposal and I don’t feel great about that either.

I’m interested in other people's experiences / thoughts please?

I’m a bit nervous asking because I know there’s a potential ethical question over creating spare embryos in the first place (we didn’t set out to do that but there were good quality spares and they are stored as standard for possible future treatment), but this is the infertility board so I hope people will be kind.

Thank you.

I'm in a similar situation. Early 40's with two IVF kids and one final embryo on storage.

I just don't know what to do, we're very lucky with our 2 children. Will a 3rd make things harder? Am I too old? My son has autism and it's challenging. So much to think about.

Makes me emotional when i think about the options, both children were from the same 'batch'. My son was from a frozen transfer, so our 3rd embryo is so real to me.

Thank you everyone for your input.

I wanted to update that we have decided to donate to research so will complete the form to that effect.

We couldn’t think of a circumstance where we would use the embryos ourselves now and neither of us are comfortable donating to another couple. I have overcome my misgivings about research because I’m not being logical about tiny balls of cells and this way others can potentially benefit even if not directly.

well done for coming to a decsion

i think its a right one as means can help those need ivf just as we did

That's a really kind idea @PeterPomegranate; it's the way I looked at it too, if someone else (many other people) hadn't helped previously then we wouldn't have our DC.

Hope you feel better now that you've come to a decision

I think that’s really, really lovely @PeterPomegranate

Hello
It has been very interesting reading your posts, nothing you have said is either silly nor 'illogical' . I am writing this as someone who is in a different situation but am reading about 'letting go of frozen embryos' as this is the closest I've found anywhere about letting go of frozen eggs. Obviously there is a literal difference in a frozen egg and an embryo however if there is anyone who is out there who has let go of frozen eggs, somehow similar to what you and many others write here - the concept is similar. It feels like you are letting go of any potential life or in my case sibling for my donor conceived son. I only had frozen eggs due to a cancelled ivf cycle (decision not made by me). I conceived my son 4 years in UK with donor sperm later after many, many years of serious consideration about what was 'right' thing to do. It was the best decision I ever made. I was already well into my 40's and in my heart of hearts although would have loved to give my son a sibling, knew it would have been too challenging for me mentally and physically aged nearly 50. I agonised over the decision more than 2 years before the 10 yr 'deadline'. It felt much the same as many people write here - playing God and making the very final decision about no other child/sibling. Counsellor just told me 'I was a trail blazer' having frozen eggs in 2008 and "there was no literature" available. My clinician and embryologist were INCREDIBLE even though it was years after I was actually in treatment with them. I saw a post online about a couple doing a 'ceremony' with their embryos and asked whether I could do the same. - Unfortunately the UK rules prevented this. So when the 'gun was at my head' rather than just imagine a defrosted vial of so much angst and thought simply be washed away I decided upon donation. This is obviously fairly different in terms of what it actually means, as a single egg (or rather the 22 I had) could not alone create a baby - so I empathise with sharers here having more detailed worries about research. I had a detailed chat with the kind and considerate research team and the embryologist rang me as arranged to let me know 'it had happened' and also how the thaws had gone. Although my heart was beating out of my chest as I stepped out of work, I immediately felt some sort of comfort that these frozen eggs were going to be of use to others and that had not been thawed or let go in vain. Oddly from that day onwards I felt at peace with my decision . I did my own little 'ceremony' and planted 22 wild flower seeds in a pot & watched as 8 flowers grew (just the number that had thawed well:) It felt 'full circle' and sorry for this very long winded email but it was just to share an empathy at the agonising people are feeling here and a peaceful and content experience of donation. Also that doing my own 'ceremony' gave me much peace too and I still have the dried flowers from those seeds in my kitchen so it kind of feels like they are near and 'with me'.

I only just saw this, that's amazing. Thank you for sharing.