How did you decide to try IVF?

[aoifetries]

Hi,

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 17 months now. We have had a range of tests and as a result know that our chances are lower than average each month, (about a 5% chance) but not impossible. I would like to find out from others how they went about making the decision to try IVF.

I know that everyones circumstances are different in terms of the challenges they face, and that some people know automatically that IVF is the best option for them, but I am just interested to know how you came to your decision?

The factors I am thinking about are my age (34), how difficult it has been emotionally to continue without success and that maybe IVF won't work and we'll discover more challenges, therefore the sooner the better.

I don't know anyone else going through this so it would be good to hear from people who understand what the experience is like. :)

Thanks in advance for any advice you can offer me.

Mine was a number of reasons really - age - we were also 34 when started looking at IVF and I had already lost one tube due to a ruptured ectopic and had 4 miscarriages. We wanted to see if the IVF process could help prevent the miscarriages as they offer more support than the NHS can and more tests

I knew that emotionally I could deal with the process (although the reality of it has been harder than I thought) but we wanted help to overcome a further ectopic (which was naive has had one anyway following an IVF transfer and lost my final tube)

We also knew we could make it work financially - we remortgaged and took out a further loan and we ve got 5 cycles out of that (£35k)

Not sure I would have chosen IVF if we could only afford 1 cycle as the pressure would have been far too much - I know loads of people who had it work first time but due to the specific nature of our issues (male factor and recurrent miscarriage) I knew that we would need to be realistic that it might take a few cycles

Hi itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted, thank you for your response.

I think the difficulty is that it is hard to know what you're up against at the outset. I would also have assumed that IVF would take away the risk of ectopic pregnancy.

The difficulties we have had are also male factor so that may be a
consideration.

Thankfully we can make it work financially for more than one if needed, I agree completely that knowing you have one shot certainly wouldn't make it easier to go through, especially if you are afraid your case is complicated. It's just impossible to know what you don't know.

Thank you so much for your insight, and I hope whatever stage you're at that you're keeping well.

@aoifetries
Thankyou! From what I've read if it's male factor you generally have better success rates than if it's a combination of male/female or unexplained

I've just done a 3rd egg collection but am doing another 2 collections in the next 2 months and freezing what we have before doing a transfer

I would also set yourself a time limit - we said 12-18 months of IVF cycles and transfers and then we'd be done - I'm 37 this year and it takes over your life - holidays are difficult to plan in around cycles and things like moving house are off until we know whether it's worked or not

(We are incredibly lucky to have a child already though and i suspect my thoughts would be completely different if that wasn't the case and I would probably keep going for longer)

The doctor we saw (private) said she could tell us to go away and give it a go naturally for longer as didn’t look impossible. But she also asked how many children we wanted (2 or 3) and I was 36 and was fed up with it not happening naturally after 9 months. We ended up going for it quite quickly and all went well and I’m now 17 weeks pregnant with 2 Frosties left. It was definitely the right choice for us and the relative ease of the process showed that it was likely the mfi issues rather than other issues with me that were causing the problem. Ivf can be a great diagnostic tool and doesn’t rule out a natural pregnancy in future either. Depends how patient you are and how much ttc is impacting your life and relationships imo.

I had no choice. Tried some sort of cervical mucus tests for months (I forget the name - it was a looong time ago and the memory is too painful - these have since been proved to be both invasive and utterly useless), then clomid, then offered ICSI as a final choice. In a way it was a relief to finally be offered something more "medical" than the first two, but it was incredibly hard and soul destroying.

Because we were told the chances of it working without IVF with ICSI were slim to none.

I would also have assumed that IVF would take away the risk of ectopic pregnancy.
Unfortunately not. The risk of ectopic pregnancy is actually higher with IVF.

Same as @earl. We were told it would take longer due to my DH's low morphology. And we were desperate for a baby.

Ttc was killing our relationship after a year and a bit of trying for a baby - we could not keep having sex to schedule

We were 38 and 40 with ticking clocks

We could afford ivf and had flexible jobs to be able to go overseas

Neither of us were getting any younger (l was 39 and he was 37). Plus the NHS funding ended in our area at 40 and we got 1 cycle. We were frustrated about not getting anywhere and wanted to try to improve our odds. IVF failed and we still have no idea what our issues (s) are. Sadly IVF doesn't reduce the chance of an ectopic, my clinic said it actually increases the chances

Thanks Everyone for your responses. It is great to hear from the real experts.

You all have different stories and they each make sense in their own way. I guess it is just really a personal decision based on your own circumstances, there are no rights or wrongs.

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted I think it is a good idea to set time limits, even just to know when you will be done with things can be a relief, for better or worse.

@Bookiewook, I never really thought to consider how the number of children might help make the decision, I've just been focused on the one, but it's a good point. Congratulations on being 17 weeks along :)

@Didthatreallyhappen2 I am with you on the soul destroying part :( x

Thanks again everyone. Best of luck with it all xx even it you wouldn't wish it on anyone, it's good to know we're not alone