Is anyone around

[HironsBirons]

My sister has just announced she’s pregnant. New relationship, unplanned.
Life is just so fucking shit isn’t it. We’ve tried for three years now. Nothing at all. Got our letter through for our first fertility clinic appointment in January on Friday, which was hard enough to see, especially at Christmas. We’ve not told a soul about the struggle, I’ve not really got any friends to tell anyway. She’s ruined my Christmas more than it was already ruined. I think I’ll be crying myself to sleep in front of the tv tonight. This is so, so, so hard.

I don't know why I didn't look on here for comfort over Christmas. I spent Christmas eve in floods of tears as my friends were posting photos on social media of their kids ready for santa coming. It really made me feel like shit. I totally get where you are all coming from and glad I'm not on my own for feeling it.

A few months ago my OH's mate announced his new girlfriend was pregnant and I got so upset. I think I might have said to my OH how is it fair that he sticks it in her and gets her pregnant when their not even on a serious relationship! My OH told me that that's not a very nice thing to say so I keep comments like that to myself now 😏

Hi Estara, that’s exactly what I thought yesterday...I’m so glad I found this forum because at least I can get some of the things off my chest without being judged for it. Please be reassured that you are not alone! I hope you feel a little better soon...I’m hoping things might look up a bit now that Christmas is over!xx

My friend of 20 years has just messaged me. She's pregnant. My heart sank when I read the words. I want to throw up.

I had a miscarriage 3 weeks, and had to endure Christmas, which I'm only getting over now...

I'm 4 cycles down (3 of which were this year). I'm starting the 5th next year. I'm just about surviving.

I messaged her back, but my heart wasn't in it. I'm not sure how our relationship is going to be after this. I'll just have to see how it goes.

I just wanted to share this with people that understand.

Dear NRW39,

I am so so sorry..,I can really empathise with how you feel. As I said above a similar thing happened to me this weekend and I have had to tell my friend I just can’t see her anymore at least not for the time being.

Sometimes what I think is worst about this infertility hell is the isolation and loneliness and the feeling that not only do you not have a baby but that your circle of friends gets smaller and smaller.

I really do understand how difficult this is for you as do many others here so at least you’re not alone!

Hugs,

Rhiannon xxx

Hi Rhiannon,
Thanks for your reply.

I knew news like this is basically inevitable in my friendship group, but it was still a shock.

I told my (amazing younger) sister and she was like wow! She thought her timing was off and it was insensitive to tell me so soon. My friend is not 2 months- She's currently the same amount of weeks I was when my baby stopped growing. I miscarried only 3 weeks ago, so it's still raw. That said, I didn't find her insensitive. I think she was stressed, and wanted to get telling me out of the way.

In any case, I am going to take a step back. I'm just trying to protect myself at the moment. I started therapy yesterday, and this first session was useful.

Big hug right back at you and to all of those who are 'going through it' Xx

"My friend is not 2 months" is supposed to read as;

"My friend is 2 months"

Hi NRW39,

Yes same here...but even if it’s not unexpected news it still doesn’t make it any less painful.

I guess it’s really difficult re: timing of finding out. My friend told me at 5 months and I felt really angry that she left me basically no time to try to adjust and now it also coincides with my IVF starting which makes things even worse. I’ve been thinking about what way of finding out would have been easier and maybe there just isn’t any good time and it always hurts.

I think it’s sensible to take a step back...you have to look after yourself particularly when you’re having treatment and need to focus on what’s best for you. That’s what I’ve decided to do with my friend. Sometimes it’s just too much to be there for someone else and that’s ok too!

Anyway, I’m always here if you want to vent/talk as are many others on here. Message me anytime!

Wishing us both (and everyone else) good luck for the new year!

Hugs,

Rhiannon xx

Reading through all these comments really does make me feel way more normal that I thought I was. I felt like I was I was the only person who feel so angry and upset when others announce their pregnancies but you ladies reassure me. I’m just really hoping and wishing that 2020 is our year, to either leave with a baby or a bump! Happy new year ladies

Happy New Year HironsBirons - you definitely are not alone in how you have been feeling in relation to infertility and the impact it has. Wishing everyone on this thread a peaceful new year and I hope 2020 is kinder to us all..,and if it's not, wishing everyone the strength to cope with it. Look after yourselves x

Gosh, sending you ladies lots of support and strength. You are not alone. I sought help from an amazing fertility nurse to support my mental health during my journey. I don't think I'm allowed to name them on here though. But please know that emotional support is out there and saved me during the very dark days. Wishing you the very best for 2020 x

OP it’s hard, it’s shit and it can completely mess you up if you let it. The bombs just keep coming and it doesn’t get easier.
Reading previous posts about xmas eve & social media pics of parents & kids all set for xmas but still cringe at the pics of the presents on the couch 🤣 🤦🏼‍♀️
SIL having a gender reveal party tonight and absolutely dreading it. Tried getting out of it but DP having none of it. Like previous posters said about losing friends during infertility, I don’t have much friends left due to this and it’s made me bitter and very judgemental..SIL smoked through previous pregnancy and doing it through this one too. Sickens me that her DD has bronchitis and no one says a thing!
Baby dust to everyone on this thread, be kind to yourselves and I hope this decade is better for us all ❤️

@chasingrainbows80 I would sit down your DP and ask if he cares about your mental health at all. If you don’t want to go to that party don’t go. I have put the foot down at baby showers and gender reveal parties. They are irrelevant as the baby isn’t even there. Claim you’re ill and have a nice eve to yourself. If my DH ‘put his foot down’ on something like that I’d be furious.

@Chasingrainbows80 yes I agree with @Hopein2020, please please please speak to your dp about your mental health and if it’s worth you going to the party. I personally wouldn’t go. If he really wants to go, that’s fine, but can’t he cover for you? Say you’ve got a migraine or something

@HironsBirons @Hopein2020 I’m sorry I didn’t explain that properly when I was emotionally typing. He wasn’t putting his foot down he wanted us to go more so as extended family are going and we’ve not seen them in over a year as they live miles away. I did break down and we talked and he suggested I stay at home while he shows face for an hr or so and going to make an excuse about me not being well. I’m seeing a Fertility counsellor and DPs attended some appts but feels he can do without and do the old school excercise to deal with the sadness of it all. I totally agree that gender reveal / baby showers are irrelevant. My sisters didn’t have one - nevermind announce pregnancy on social media. Maybe out of respect but I’m taking a break from it now just for self preservation I suppose. Take care ladies ❤️