Christmas .....

[Steenac72]

Feeling crappy about another Christmas with no baby or pregnancy. My niece and nephew just left and the house feels so empty.

Also finding it hard that there will be no baby in 2020 either (next IVF transfer will be April ).

Anyone any tips on how to cope/stay positive?

@PurpleDaisies
I didn't say you wouldn't....

Honestly I was just trying to say that the language there was off and in my opinion that poster didn't deserve it. You obviously think differently.

My best to you

Stop with this patronising “my best to you”. Just go away.

You have been through hell. I am still there. I don’t want your best.

I’m afraid l am with @PurpleDaisies on this one. It doesn’t help that l am already worn out by peoples tactless and patronising comments in real life. Getting it here as well is a bit much. Yes, l know we should try to think positive but as these times of year it’s even harder -the focus on children, the hope / chance we might have been successful in 2019, the lack of hope for 2020 etc. I have been incredibly lethargic about this Christmas with the exception of cards and presents. I’ve done about 25% of the decorations we normally have and didn’t even bother with lights. The fridge is rather empty.

It’s all well and good for people who have been lucky enough to get their BFP. Is if too much to ask for them to mindful of people who haven’t? I thought this thread was about people who are struggling at Christmas?

People keep on telling me to join online groups on Facebook. But for these kind of reasons then l struggle to get any benefit from them. As well as the general hysteria and lack of understanding. I got thrown out of a group the other week because I said l wasn’t interested in adopting a child. Apparently lm “vile”, l know it’s not for me and l have the self awareness to know it. Is that really so bad?!

Thanks everyone for all your replies. Sorry to hear you are all also having a tough time. It is just so difficult. There’s just something about Christmas that magnifies everything!

Thanks @Halloumiwrap for removing your post - I am sure you meant well but a success story about a wonderful Christmas when we are all so far away from success and facing into another lonely Christmas doesn’t help.

In terms of what I’ve done since I wrote this post. I skipped work Christmas drinks as I just didn’t feel up to it - I had an early night and read a book instead. I went for a massage and swim and myself & DH have drank a lot of wine midweek 🙈🙈 AF arrived today but My DH had an operation this month so there was no false hope.

I hope everyone has a peaceful Christmas and finds some solace however you can - for me it’s definitely going to be in the wine bottle!!!! I have to say the massage and trip to the pool helped if it’s in anyone’s budget. It’s a very unchristmassy thing to do and it gave me a bit of time to clear my head.

Look after yourselves everyone. It tough out there!

Ps EL888 I also have ruled out adoption. I hope you are ok after your treatment in that group.

I agree with @PurpleDaisies

It’s all well and good for people who have been lucky enough to get their BFP. Is if too much to ask for them to mindful of people who haven’t?
No it isn’t. This is not for people who eventually got there to post their stories of success (or that “to give hope”bollocks). There are places for that, but this thread is not the place.

I hope this is taken in the spirit in which it is intended, but I am thinking of you all (and I really hope I don’t sound patronising)

I got thrown out of a group the other week because I said l wasn’t interested in adopting a child. Apparently lm “vile”, l know it’s not for me and l have the self awareness to know it. Is that really so bad?!

FFS. What an awful way for people (who should know better) to treat you. Hope you’re ok.

I totally get. My OTD is Friday so doing IVF since 6 November has really killed Christmas for me.

Declined all invites as I don't have the energy, haven't sent any cards, bought all presents in one afternoon not really putting much effort in.

This time last year, I'd finished my first failed cycle. Roll forward 12 months and I've done two more retrievals, two failed transfers of 4 embryos (I'm 100% this is another fail) and had surgery to remove endo.

Can't see this bollocks ever ending positively. Your comment about not having a baby in 2020 really resonates with me @Steenac72 as we probably won't do a retrieval before March, so another year of misery!

Sorry we're all in this really shitty club xx

@Steenac72 it’s a personal choice. Adopting isn’t for me. Yeah lm fine after being annoyed for being judged for my own personal feelings. I’m hardly a bag person despite being treated as one

Bad = bad 😂

@EarlGreyT it was all a bit over the top! We all have our personal thoughts and feelings but that’s mine. I’m hardly judgmental against those who are adopted or want to adopt

My brothers ex was adopted. I was gutted when they broke up but just wanted different things which is fair enough

Or bag = bad

Oh my God! Today is hard. I'm at the in-laws. They're all having breakfast, I'm in the bedroom crying. I just can't face it at the moment.

I've had 4 rounds of ICSI. Three of them this year! I had a miscarriage (my 2nd one) 3 weeks ago. Baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. This is not how i expected Christmas being this year.

How do I get through the day??!

I’m drinking gin. My sister in law has just announced she’s pregnant. Now everyone is taking babies. This is awful,

NRW deep breaths, stick a smile on, change the subject when babies come up.

Purple I'm so sorry, being baby bombed is shit at the best of times 💐
Where are you? Can you discreetly ask your dp/DH/oh to make excuses and leave?

I've been doing to ttc thing for almost 7 years. I'm 34 and I'm getting nowhere.
My lovely sis has the same issues as me but has somehow had 3 dc.
I love them so much but watching them have the family Christmases I dream of is too hard so DH and I have come away for Christmas. Have done it every other year since we started ttc. It helps slightly because we go somewhere more adult and less family orientated, but it doesn't stop the hope that maybe it'll work for next year.

It's horrible to know so many others understand how hard this is and how much it hurts. All I can say is - it's shit and it's ok to say so.

IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy I'm trying... I finally came out of bedroom, so that's progress!

@PurpleDaisies - Big hug x
Sounds good. I'm just having a rum and ginger beer (used to be my fav). I'm out of practice though. I gave up drink well over a year ago in preparation for treatment, so it's going right to my head...
I hope you manage to make it through the day.

I hope you all manage to get through the day. We've got this far, so it doable!

"Happy' Christmas andThanks for listening x

Just to each and everyone of you whether you gritted your teeth or went away to escape it all.

@PurpleDaisies I've just read this thread and can relate to you. My sister in law announced her pregnancy after IVF (She's gay) I felt guilty as it's ruined my Xmas.
My husband gets it and admits he declined her offer to show him the scan but still she continued to do it (I didn't know he declined till today)

Then to top it off it's twins - I said IVF is hard but as a gay couple surely you prepare yourself as there is no other way? Different to our unwanted visitor each month for months on end x

@carleygh 💐why did she ignore you DH? I find that very selfish.

My SIL told my DN who is 11 that we are struggling to have a baby and that we might have to adopt. He told me this. I have very limited contact with her.

I have no idea he only told me today (it happened yesterday) so far I've not had any sad moments that I haven't managed to get through but I think yesterday ruined our Christmas to be honest.

That's so bad I can't believe the cheek! @thefishthatcouldwish

@PurpleDaisies I feel your pain. My sister in law (well, brothers girlfriend) is due in the next 2 weeks. They found out she was 'accidentally pregnant' around the same time we found out we'd need ICSI to have kids. My mum is also terminally ill and this baby will be her first grandchild. Probably her only grandchild. Sitting round the table, having everyone constantly talking about the imminent arrival of the baby and names etc, knowing if I'm successful with ICSI my mum might never meet my baby is torture. Hearing everyone be so excited about their 'accident' while my husband and I are in so much pain is torture. I should be pleased for them but I'm so bitter. PLUS my period started today. Hopefully my clinic will start my round of ICSI this cycle. Hang in there Purple

It’s torture isn’t it. I’ll be glad when the whole festive period is over and I can go back to hiding under a rock

WORST. DAY. EVER.

Being in an IVF TWW on Christmas Day is freaking awful. Never want to go through it again.

@xxktlou02xx that's awful I'm lost for words but sending you big hugs and love hoping this time is yours.

X

@xxktlou02xx what awful times for you. Does your mum know what you are going through too?

We had my husbands nephew announce he and his wife were expecting. They married a few months ago and knew she was expecting as her period was late. Incidentally her period was the same time as my last period in September. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 16 and have had to have new tests again to be re-diagnosed. My period arrived on Monday (day 87) and I had to have my 2-5 day bloods done on Christmas Eve. I need another transvaginal ultra sound done in 6 weeks as they need to keep an eye on my cysts... and we had two family pregnancy announcements on Christmas Day.

I was also gifted from my crazy Aunty a Christmas decoration... it read "on your baby's first Christmas" she clearly must know something I don't. Opened it last night. Dreadful

Survived Xmas day (when our twins were due).
This misery was to be replaced with more today when my uncle died.
What a shit shit time