When do you know when it’s time to stop?

[Chasingrainbows80]

Hi as above really? TTC for 7 yrs, 1 MC 2017 & 1 CP March this year. My first round of IVF was cancelled as my eggs didn’t respond on long protocol and IUI resulted in a chemical. Follow up meeting was recommended ED and my sister kindly offered to donate. We done the counselling sessions and we were due to attend the last one on the 6th November and start down regulation when her baby boy got seriously ill. So I’ll hes now got brain damage and my sis is understandably committed to hospital visits & appts.
I cancelled the November appt and emailed my counsellor the situation with my sister. I attended the hospital for another meeting to find out where we are at & what happens next..well the outcome was again negative and I’ve lost my place on the ED list (they had no record of my nephew’s illness) and I’m 40 next year and now having anxiety about the future.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about adoption a lot more lately. Given that we’ve been to countless appts & meetings and waited for such a long time and still in the unknown stage, more so after what is going on with my nephew I want to give back. Does that sound selfish? I’ve read adoption could take years but surely less than 7? And could I apply to adopt with us being on the ED list?
I am so fed up with it all, call me lucky to get NHS funding but we’re not feeling so lucky after this year 😞 thank you for reading. I’ll welcome any advice / suggestions x

Oh my gosh, your family has been though a lot. I hope your nephew is recovering?

I think about when to stop a lot...i love my life...I don't feel desperate about having a child, I just want to try. It would be amazing if this process worked for us, but if it doesn't, our lives are really full.

I've spent all of 2019 doing this - bar the 4 months I had off after back surgery. Had 3 IUIs and 2 embryo transfers after long protocol IVF, 2 chemical pregnancies. Currently have a BFP but not holding my breath. 2020, I would give to one more IVF cycle, then I'm done. The drugs have changed me, and I don't like that at all.

It's different for everyone, from what I can see - everyone wants children to different degrees. I think of that quote from Samantha on Sex and the City when I think 'I'd love to have a baby'...I think, 'but I love me more'! That's where I'm at.

Mx

I’s an individual thing l suppose? I can relate to what you are saying. I’m sick of the disappointment, upset and living in limbo. I get what you mean about the unknown as well. I’m quite close to being ready to stop. The fresh IVF failed, we have some embryos in the freezer and 4 cycles of Clomid (probably a waste as we are unexplained infertility). To be honest lm not convinced by any of it but it’s things to tick off the to do list and ways to avoid “what if”. I’m round the corner from 40 and burned out / a little bored by the whole thing

@Maggie272 he’s slowly improving daily & all we can hope for is for him to have some kind of mobility & independence later on if he doesn’t improve altogether.

Wow! You really have had a productive year of fertility treatments. So sorry about your CPs, it really is disheartening. Congratulations on your BFP and I completely understand why your not getting ahead yourself after what you’ve been through. I really hope this one sticks for you. And absolutely agree we all know our own limitations! It’s easy for people to tell us to ‘keep going’ but they have little / If any idea how much it’s a battle in our heads to keep optimistic during the uncertainty of it all.
Do you mind if I ask are you getting NHS funding? And how long you’ve been trying? Yep! Gotta love Sam she was always my favourite 🤣 x

Hi @EL8888 thanks for your reply! Yeah absolutely agree! It’s a complete rollercoaster of emotions and people do say it’s not easy but my days no one can really tell you how frustrating it really is..and like you I’m sick of the unknown & disappointment I feel like I’m wasting time with all the waiting for no outcome.
And I’m so sorry your fresh round failed. How are you coping with it all? Maybe if you took a little time for yourself & had a break or a little self care do you think you’d feel different? And yeah I’m like you with the list - even just to say I’ve tried it. But I haven’t even had IVF yet as the first one cancelled and I’m 40 next year too and feel like we’ve wasted many years with this I don’t want to waste any more to be honest and like you said I’m a bit burned out and bored with it all too x