Single Moms IVF

[OnePusOne]

Hi! I am hoping to be a single mom, but I am not yet. I have issues with egg quality and not qualified for NHS either (I am 42). So I am eyeing ivf with donor egg and sperm. Am I crazy for even considering this?

Nope - that was my plan since my last relationship broke down 6 years ago. If I was single by 35 , I would use donor sperm and have a baby. I found my dp 4 years ago - but he has mfi, so ivf it is anyway.

But i would have always preferred to be a single mom vs childless.

Well, I'm currently single and 21 weeks pregnant with a double-donor pregnancy. The jury is out on whether I'm crazy or not, but you're certainly not alone!

Sorry but I don't agree - just because we can doesn't mean we should

@Lalla525 thank you for sharing, so you are trying with ivf now?

@Persipan thank you dear, truly appreciate hearing that. How is your pregnancy? I mean, in terms of work, emotions aside from the physical aspect of it. Are you living alone?

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted thank you for your honesty. I welcome your opinions really, I want to know what I'm getting into.

It's what I did. Twice! Best decision of my life.
Go for it!

Yes - icsi for us because my partner has no sperm motility and crappy shape. What a joy.

To be honest, I wholeheartedly disagree with itwaslovelyetc.. people get pregnant without a partner and end up being single mums all the time. And generally in less than ideal circumstances. You either accept IVF as a conception method or not. And if you do, then being in a stable relationship is not a requirement just like it is not in natural pregnancy. End of.

I would really like to respect everybody's opinion, but double standards, generally based on dubious values, really are hard to cope with for me.

OP, if you want a child, and you can afford one as a single mum, go and have one.

I've got no experience in this but I don't think you're crazy! I don't think anyone regrets having a child but you may regret not having one. I don't know if you've considered adoption but that could also be a good adoption.

I do not think you are crazy, maybe because I am in the same boat.

I think you're crazy - but maybe in a good way. I have an ivf 9 month old. I'm married. I do the Lion's share of caring responsibilities. Sometimes it feels like I'm alone as my dh sees her for a max of an hour a day and does the 'Disneyland dad' routine while I run her bath and get her things ready for sleep, etc... but at times that hour a day is more than totally invaluable.

He doesn't get up in the night (I breastfeed), he never feeds her meals and has never put her down for the night. But he looks after me so I can look after her and that's what makes the whole thing work. With the right support, it's totallly do-able but bloody hard work.

Parenting is nuts anyway.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

@Lalla525
I disagree

Bringing a child into the world expressly denying them a father (or mother) and potentially any genetic link by doing double donation is based on that persons sole desire to experience pregnancy rather than just motherhood

(This isnt the same as a relationship breaking down and a parent raising children alone - they still know who they have a genetic link to and a wider biological family available to them)

There are a lot of studies coming out now that these children struggle with their identities and increased mental health issues

Genetics is everything - watch the documentary on the triplets separated at birth who didn't know of each other's existence

I’m not in the same position but I just had a baby as a single parent and for me it’s amazing. Obviously everyone’s experiences are different but if it’s what you really want and you have a lot of love to give it’s amazing. Is your mum around or do you have friends that could help? My baby is very easy but it’s nice to have someone come over every few days and pick up shopping or hold the baby while you wash your hair. Like other posters mentioned maybe you could look into adoption also but I know that’s not always easy

Thank you so much for sharing your opinions ladies, and I have decided to make a go for it. currently cycling with a clinic in Cyprus called Dunya IVF. I will visit them for a face to face next month, and if things go well - straight to the transfer.

@miamiibiza @Lalla525 thank you so much for your support, really, so need it right now.

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted I can see where you're coming from but I have weighed things and this is my decision, I don't think I can go on with life without trying this one that I have a great need for. If this does not work out - at least I can say I tried, and if it does (wow that would be amazing) then I will do everything in my power to protect this baby.

@BeaCat I have thought of adoption, but I am longing for the experience of pregnancy, to feel that special bond. If this does not go well, then adoption can be an option for me too.

@Oldandsad I would love to hear your story as well!

@physicskate thank you for sharing, yes life can give us a lot of challenges, in many different ways - relationships were never good to me - why do you think I'm still single?

@Imtootired my Mom is around yes, but I don't think she can help much with a baby - she's already well into her years and needs to relax. I plan to get some help if baby does come along.

I understand first hand what it is like to have no biological relatives (at least before having my own child). It was unusual not attributing any of my physical or character traits to a parent or relative and I wonder what it must be like to enquire into my family tree and know things about bygone generations. However I feel immensely blessed to be alive at all. A donor conceived or double donor conceived child isn’t one that would have enjoyed a wonderful nuclear family but for the selfish intervention of a single woman. They simply wouldn’t exist otherwise. You would be giving a child the opportunity to experience a full life, hopefully: to learn; to develop an open and compassionate mind; to enjoy and experience beauty. I can state unequivocally, those things are all certainly possible without having biological connections. If you genuinely feel you could enrich the life of a tiny human being, then the world might be better for them having been born.

I'm arriving a bit late but OP, in case you're still watching the thread - I think you're right to go for it if a child is what you want, and you feel comfortable with the absence of biological link.

There is no right or wrong way to build a family imo. It is unusual circumstances, but I fail to see how this would be worse than a child conceived through a one-night stand or a fickle relationship ! Also, depending on local laws and regulations, the child may have the option of meeting the donors someday ?

But either way, what matters is that you do right by this child, raise them well and lovingly, and give them a good life.

I always think that IVF or donor conceived children will know just how badly they were wanted, as the parents will have jumped through so many hoods and hurdles to get there.

Good luck with this endeavour OP, and I hope you get the family you want, either through IVF or other means.

Hoops* not hoods 😂