Just feeling a bit rubbish

[Fredsgirl19]

Firstly I want to make clear how incredibly grateful I am to the NHS for IVF and also saving my husband from advanced stage cancer last year... but....

We had our consultant appointment and implications this week at our clinic and we are all set to start our first round of ICSI in a January. I walked our feeling really excited about getting going but today I just feel so down. Probably the two pregnancy announcements on Instagram today haven’t helped. I just feel like when you actually sit down and talk to the nurse about the process it just feels like everything is against you. I know they need to manage expectations but in cold reality the success rate is low. I’m emotional now and I’m still 6 weeks off starting! I need to get myself together - I’m hoping I’m not alone in feeling like this

Hi! You are not alone. Ivf is a long and difficult journey and you already come out from what it surely was a very stressful period with your DH health problems.

I personally found it draining, isolating and extremely depressing. Still need to recover mentally from my first ivf cycle. Physically it was not bad at all - but the emotional side was a nightmare for me.

I don't want to discourage you, but I feel like I took it very lightly at the beginning and was completely unprepared and this did not played in my favour. You can use these 6 weeks to read and prepare yourself for the psychological stress that you will be going through, as it is a rollercoaster of emotions.

I wish you all the best and hopefully all goes well xxx

I agree physically I was fine, mentally was a whole other story. I tried to prepare myself but even the strongest person it will knock you for six. My advice is delete the Instagram don't compare yourself to others & if you can seek out people who have also gone through it, as no one knows how it feels unless you have been through it.

You may find it helpful to set up a new insta and / or start following some IVF-ers. I have found this board and also a Facebook group a good support during what is a stressful and emotional time.

The main thing to remember is - you are definitely not alone!!! I am currently midway through 2WW and what I like (what?! Like?! Well maybe that’s too strong....) about the process is that you’re never on one stage for too long. You are moving through the medications and have milestones along the way. And some days are harder than others but if anything it is a good chance to really adopt self care and be kind to yourself throughout.

I wish you all the very best.

I'm on my 4th cycle and would agree that social media is not your friend. If you can, take a break. Seeing those posts only gets harder.

I know it sounds harsh, but I think it's helpful to not expect success. Certainly not at first. Look at it as a process. The first cycle is trial and error really and although you might be one of the fortunate ones it works for, chances are you won't. But that doesn't mean it will never work. It takes an average of 3 cycles for success so try and focus on the long game. I was really knocked sideways when my first cycle didn't working have had to adjust my mindset. Try and plan ahead too, just in case. Figure out what you'll do if this one doesn't work so if that's what happens, you're prepared and can move forward. Good luck.

I feel for you, it is tough. Like you l don’t want to come across as ungrateful but IVF is tough. Despite us being lucky enough to get 1 cycle on the NHS. A couple we know will get nothing despite only living a few miles down the road

I have tried to have no preconceptions or expectations throughout which l think helped. Not sure if any of you have watched Making Babies? It was an interesting watch. Some of them were very focussed on getting x amount of eggs etc. I’m not criticising them at all but l had no figures or deadlines in mind. We just tried to focus on the current situation and tried not to think about the next stage. Good luck with it all

I felt the same. Join an ivf thread on here and talk to others in the same boat x

Hey. We are in a very similar boat. My husband had chemo and radiotherpy 10 years ago (before I knew him) and luckily had some samples frozen. We are currently going through ivf with icsi to try and start a family. Unfortunately our first round has just failed, but we have a second round already paid for so we are hoping to get going on that as soon as possible.
It's a really up and down process, you just have to roll with the punches and celebrate the wins when they come. If anything it's made us closer as a couple even though we've been going through hell. Good luck with everything. Hopefully we won't be far behind you starting in Jan with our second round.