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Silent Miscarriage - What to Do??

4 replies

QS88 · 11/11/2019 23:39

Hi all, have had a "silent miscarriage" (which is apparently a thing) after two years ttc. Had private scan at approximately 6.5 weeks, they said I was only 6 weeks and it was too early to see anything, but I was quite sure about my dates. Anyway, they said everything was healthy (yolk sack present) and to come back in 10 days which I did. Would have been almost 8 weeks. Anyway, still no baby and no yolk sack either. They referred me to NHS, had ANOTHER scan today, and they confirmed no baby and no yolk sack. Also there's all stuff floating around in there, which they said probably means the tissue is all breaking down. But they said their hands are tied and they can't offer me any drugs or surgery to sort the issue out until they scan me again in another two weeks, but essentially heavily implied it was a formality.

So my question is what do I do now? Ironically I feel very well at the moment. I don't feel sad hardly at all, in fact I don't feel much of anything, except irritated. There was a family at the clinic today who I know weren't doing anything wrong, but there were 4 adults there looking all happy and well, with a beautiful toddler all beaming and loud, and I wanted to shout at the family and ask them why one of them couldn't have had the toddler at home when clearly there were several people in there who looked to be having a really bad time, who were having their faces rubbed in it. Must stress I KNOW this is irrational (which is why I didn'y say anything), but can I be out in the world? I feel like a fraud being at home as don't feel that bad at all considering. But am scared to go to work in case I suddenly have a miscarriage, which in theory could happen at any time. But I could work from home, as have a laptop (I am a quantity surveyor). But then am I suddenly going to feel worse emotionally? We were both so excited to conceive, the last few weeks have been the happiest of my life, so is it just taking a while to sink in? Everyone says it's fine to feel however you do, but I don't know what that is. Boyfriend doesn't think I should be working at all, but I already feel resentful about all the weeks and years I have lost to this ongoing struggle with infertility (and now miscarriage) that I don't know if I want to put my life on hold another moment. On the other time I keep needing to sleep. I have 7-8 hours per night, plus if I am home often a nap for 2-3 hours in the afternoon, which obviously I couldn't do if I was at work. Not sure if I'm so tired due to grief (which I don't consciously feel) or my body still thinking it's pregnant.

So sorry for the long ramble. What should I do between now and when I have my next scan in two weeks / naturally finish the miscarriage whilst waiting? What did other people do whilst in the same position? Thanks.

OP posts:
QS88 · 11/11/2019 23:42

Was thinking about perhaps using herbal remedies to move the process on, but am scared this isn't safe? What do people think?

OP posts:
Lottie2shoes · 11/11/2019 23:59

Hi. No advice just that i feel for you and hope you look after yourself.
Miscarriage can take alot out of you physically and mentally. So do take it easy although if you feel that you would cope better by keeping busy then that is what you should do.
It is easier for others to tell you what to do but they do not feel what you do, only you can understand what you need to be doing.
Personally i have never taken herbal medicines but i believe it is better for it to be done naturally. Although it is a longer process
Happy for someone to say herbal helps though as ive not tried it

Persipan · 12/11/2019 06:26

You should do whatever you feel would give you most comfort in the circumstances.

When I had this happen a few years ago, I had a private scan at 7 weeks that showed not much going on. Then a couple of NHS scans which confirmed that but didn't quite get to the point where they could offer me any active treatment (although, as you say, it was clear this was a formality). I had in any case already decided that I'd prefer to manage things naturally, so I basically just waited it out. My eventual miscarriage started at about 10 and a half weeks (in terms of the dates; developmentally not much happened after 6 weeks).

I chose to continue working in the meantime - I would have gone round the twist just sitting around doing nothing. In my non-work time, I obsessively watched TV to distract myself.

The actual miscarriage basically came on like a period, so I could tell it was getting underway and just called in sick that day. I threw up a lot, and was pretty crampy for a few hours. Then essentially it was just like a long, heavy period. I went back to work the next day - not necessarily suggesting everyone would want to do this, but it worked better for me to do that, so I did it.

So, that's how I managed it. It's absolutely fine to approach it however you feel... not best about, I suppose, but least bad. I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position, take care and best wishes.

Dot457 · 12/11/2019 13:09

Hello. No advice as such, just wanted to say I can relate a bit! We were TTC for about a year before we got referred, then had an early miscarriage, wasn't even at the scan stage or anything. But at the time that happened, I had a 3 appointments in one week and each time a couple at the clinic brought their children which I thought was really inappropriate, considering the sole reason why everyone is in the clinic?! I understand people want to show their appreciation to the nurses, doctors and staff on what they helped a couple achieve, but to allow them to run around a waiting area is a bit wrong if you ask me. Also, when it happened to me I got no support at all from work apart from a text from a colleague saying "can you let me know each day that you're not going to be in"... She knew full well the situation and that I was having a week off work. Ever since then I've been completely demotivated and deflated. I needed support and I didn't get it, this was back in March and I'm still pissed off lol. So yeah I can relate in a round about way! We have no other choice but to pick our selves back up and crack on, otherwise it would probably send us insane. It really sucks and I'm sorry that you've had a shit time! If you ever want a rant I'm always up for one xx

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