Moving on as a family of three

[twinkledag]

Has anyone had to do this after failed round of IVF to conceive a second child?

What did you do and how did you cope?

I've just started my one and only cycle for a second baby.. using my only frozen embryo left.. I can't afford, or think I could cope with a whole new cycle again.. so if this doesn't work that's it. I'm already preparing myself for it not to work.. I think you just have to remain focused on what you have.. i had my little boy against all odds after 5 years of heartbreak so I'm thinking it must ease the pain slightly.. I know that desire to have another one is no different to wanting the first.. but your child can soon turn a miserable day around with a innocent smile or spontaneous cuddle and you just won't have the time to be sad like you did before.. we didn't have that the first time round. I always imagined myself having 3/4 kids so the idea of only ever having one does make me sad but he soon distracts me and makes me so unbelievably grateful that he's here X

Thanks for your reply. For me it's the future that I worry about and makes me sad. My son as an only child. Not having any nieces or nephews. It upsets me ☹️

@twinkledag hi there.. I don't know if this would be helpful but I myself is a single child and I loved it! I remember my Mum asking me if I wanted a sibling and I said hell no! I've got a lovely sister in law now, have many cousins and lots of great friends that are very close to both myself and my family. I moved countries but my friends still visit my Mum and Dad. Don't know if this perspective is helpful at all but though I'd share this.

Hi, I’m in the same boat as you. I’m 41, have a 6 year child, I had a failed IVF earlier this year and a chemical miscarriage last month. I have all the same worries as you. Our child is social and just a fabulous child, she has cousins who live nearby so we are very lucky but it doesn’t stop the heartache worrying about her when we are older and when we are gone, she will be all alone, it literally breaks my heart. I do focus on the positive, we are lucky to have her etc but the heartache rears it’s ugly head every so often. I know she’ll be fine but I feel like I’ve failed her. I don’t know what to say to you just that I understand xxxx

That’s lovely * and reassuring.

Sorry the last bit was directed at Vilette

Hi twinkle I'm so sorry to read this. We were on the same chats for a while and I had hoped things had worked out.

I'm from a small family and my one and only cousin who I'm pretty close to is an only child. She's 26 now and with the man she loves expecting her first child. Her parents are approaching 60 but I know that when they are no longer around she will have her husband and her own family and children around her so she will never be alone. She will have plenty of love and support and I think it will be the same for your child. It's great when siblings are close but a lot of the time in adulthood they lead different lives, live in different parts of the country etc.

I know how hard this infertility game is though and whilst we have maybe one or two children which of course we are eternally grateful for it's just not easy when you don't feel your family is complete and the choice of how many and when to complete it like most other people have is taken away from you. It really does suck but you have to decide how much time and money you have to throw at this thing. I know of somebody who just got pregnant with her first with own egg at 43 but she has had 14 transfers from the age of 40 to get that one lucky golden embryo (it was made when she was 41) It's so much stress and emotional turmoil to go through especially when you have a little one to look after but I think you will know when you're done. Sending big hugs x

@lucieloos so lovely to hear from you and thank you for your kind message. I hope you and your family are well 🙂

@Viletta thank you. How are you getting on, still trying in Brno?

Thank you @Tannerfamily. I've had 4 failed rounds of IVF TTC number 2. It makes me realise how lucky I was to conceive DS on my first frozen cycle.

I feel sad and angry that I can't have another child when I know me and my DH could give another child a good life. Is that too much to ask?

We've now been advised to try naturally as you're more fertile after an ivf failure. Pffft. Pointless!

My only child after five pregnancies is now a teenager. She’s social and happy at school, and we’ve been able to give her attention and experiences that she would never have had if there had been two children. I’ll never be fully reconciled to this, but it does get easier.

@twinkledag yep.. had an ERA test done and the results came back normal.. not sure why the embryos are not sticking. Might do PGC testing next time... have you decided to move on or are you still considering another try? I started having counseling sessions, so far I think it's helpful to talk about what we need vs what we want and what we actually want...