Your IVF/Fet-does your family know?

[Kitkat369]

Hubby and I have kept to ourselves but for our 2nd fet thinking of telling immediate family next month as we had a fail during viability scan and thinking extra support maybe. But on other hand I feel our families will go through same emotional rollercoaster.

Have you shared this journey?

Only with my parents. My OH parents are blissfully unaware of anything. But relationship is different as I tell my parents pretty much anything and he tries to stay away from them.

My mum moved in with us for the whole cycle - she has been of incredible support (emotional but also operational) and I would probably do the same.

I told them with first cycle and FET but the lack of compassion and support and down right interest I received was so overwhelmingly disappointing that I didn't tell anyone on second FET until I was in the back of an ambulance with a ruptured ectopic. They knew about 2nd cycle but again no support - no one in family once asked how things were going so I won't be telling them when we do the FET in a couple of weeks

My parents don't consider you pregnant until you get to 12 weeks so you can imagine the response I've received with 7 losses 12 weeks and under - I've learnt my lesson now not to expect anything from them

They know it’s happening. My mum is more in the picture about specifics and timings. His have been been less involved. For clarity if it fails and they suggest “why don’t you adopt” again. Then l will be raging and will have to say something

@EL8888
Yeah comments like that are why I've stepped back from family - I also got "you should go to church more" (WTF!)

Yep other peoples annoying and thoughtless questions / comments be a bit much. Especially at a time like this

I told my Dad only but he's very old fashioned and didn't want to know anything in detail which was fine with me. We didn't tell anyone else as we felt it was very private and worried about their reactions to losses/expectations of success.

My parents know that we've been through the IVF process - dear old dad definitely doesn't want to talk about it though! DM has been great when both BFPs ended in MMC, but I've never told her when we've actually done the transfer, and I've never made it to 12 weeks to say I'm pregnant.

Like hell is MIL going to know ANYTHING about our struggles - she has me down as one of those selfish career women. I just let her presume that, as if I told her that DH has MFI and I've had two miscarriages, she'd post it on Facebook.

We told people about 1&2

Both failed

It hurt telling people it failed and their grief for us made me cry again

So when we did 3rd abroad we didn’t tell anyone

That failed but was easier for df and I to cope with as didn’t have anyone else to tell iyswim

Same with 4th

So when the 5th worked - we suprised everyone

Told 2 friends on the bfp day as working with Them and had to take things easy and they were overjoyed

But then waited for the scan

Showed the 7w scan to my dad and he couldn’t beleive it. Esp a sky mum died between 1&2

Told everyone after that as if I had a Mc then people would know why so upset as had taken 10yrs ttc and 5 ivf

Dd is now 2.5 and has given my dad a new lease is life and they adore each other

No - couldn't cope with the stupid, unhelpful comments.

This is useful as I'm struggling with whether to tell my parents or not. SIL and a close friend know so I'm mainly worried they will find out from someone else and be hurt ... but I just don't trust them not to tell half the town and make insensitive comments!!