Safe space for those childless/childfree women

[Leighhalfpennysthigh]

After the last few days on AIBU and threads where we've been insulted, dismissed and generally made to feel like second class citizens....as it shows thar for some women supporting women means supporting only mothers....I thought I'd leave this here: a safe place to moan, vent and share the unfairness of MN and life.

Thanks Leigh.
Every time I see a thread like that I tell myself not to click and then I do and it's so depressing.
And the ones asking why you're even on mumsnet when this website has so many topics to discuss 🙄🙄

Yes, I know. It's been rough in here lately. The absolute bias towards us by some posters is sickening and MNHQ don't seem to give a shit.

I agree but only in the infertility forum if you are childless/childfree not by choice - ie battled/battling infertility

I find it's the ones on MN who have chosen not to have children that can be the most rude and insulting to the ones that want them or aspire to have them (I've been told I'm lacking ambition and am unintelligent for wanting to be a mother on MN)

Not sure I understand the point of this post (sorry if you find it offensive but mine is a genuine question). Why do you want a safe space in the infertility forum?

I kind of feel the same @Lalla525 this post doesn’t sit well with me. There are enough battles on going here to do with trying to have children without entering this with children/without children foray ongoing on AIBU.

@Lalla525
Yes agree that's what my post said - I can understand if the thread is for infertile members to vent (there is a similar one called Uber barrens) but not if you are childfree/less by CHOICE - not appropriate on an infertility board

Why do you want a safe space in the infertility forum?

Look at the thread on IVF funding which is in infertility. Some disgusting comments on there.

I put it here because it is nit somewhere where the arsehole entitled mummies who think we're freaks are likely to be looking!

I've nothing against childfree by choice people. In fact I identify with them more than people still going through infertility these days because for me it's a while ago and I've moved on.

Just wanted to,give us all a space thats all. AIBU is pretty bloody vicious and sometimes I feel battered and upset and thought that other women like me will too.

But don't post if you don't want too.

Not sure I understand the point of this post (sorry if you find it offensive but mine is a genuine question). Why do you want a safe space in the infertility forum?

Because there seem to be some (mainly) women out there who reserve a special kind of hatred for infertile women.

Because there are plenty of arseholes out there who are completely lacking in empathy and understanding for people without children. Around this time of year threads, about annual leave over Christmas will start popping up and some people will demonstrate my point perfectly by pointing out that their wish for time off should definitely trump that of anyone without children because “Christmas is about the children and their one year old (who has no bloody clue it’s Christmas) will be devastated if they have to work”.

And because any attempt to create a safe space elsewhere will be trampled on by posters who have a complete disregard for the feelings of people who are childless.

I totally understand what you’re trying to achieve and why @Leighhalfpennysthigh. However, this is not my safe space and it’s inappropriate for me to keep posting on here,, so I’ll go back to lurking now, but I’m thinking of you all (and everyone on the uber barrens thread) and wishing you all well.

Do they reserve hatred for infertile women or for women without children by choice? Feel there is a big difference between the two kinds and the ones feee of children by choice certainly have the right to vent about being entitled to Christmas leave even if they dont care and want children - but I wouldn't do on an infertility board, where people really want children and dont think care much about Christmas leave (or parental entitlement in general.)

However, I'm new here so will take your lead that this is appropriate and needed.

@EarlGreyT thank you. I would never presume to ban anyone from any thread.

Do they reserve hatred for infertile women or for women without children by choice?

I think that some of them can't tell the difference, or don't care, to be honest. For many of us who remain and will always remain childless, then people who choose not to have children are always going to be more similar to us than parents. I have never had insults or rudeness from childfree women. However, we have all been judged, pitied and dismissed by parents. That's what makes me angry and that is why I started this thread in a part of the forum where we can talk, safely, without being told how insignificant our lives are.

If anyone wants to report this thread and get it deleted because you don't want childfree women here. Then crack on. But frankly, it makes you worse and as judgemental as the people who routinely treat us like shit.

Do they reserve hatred for infertile women or for women without children by choice?

Both, but there’s often a complete lack of empathy and regard for the feelings of infertile women.

I do understand your point @lalla525, but I think what the op is trying to achieve is to create a space where those without children (whether childless or child free) can discuss some of the issues common to both groups.

I think she’s hoping those who are child free by choice will show some sensitivity towards those with infertility and that no one child free by choice would be cruel or stupid enough to start telling infertile women why they shouldn’t want children.

I agree that having this thread on the infertility board in some ways isn’t ideal, but it’s probably the most suitable place from a selection of bad options as anywhere else it’s just going to get pissed on by people have no empathy.

The thread title makes the content of the thread pretty clear so it’s easy enough not to look at if it’s not for you.

I don't consider myself childless or childfree. Infertility has not been an issue for me but my life just hasn't worked out in a way that means I have children. I still find it sad and hard and feel looked down upon by parents (mothers mainly!). I can only imagine how heartbreaking it must be if you really want children but are unable to have them

That's exactly how I feel ff

I have never actively tried for a baby, and I can't imagine how heartbreaking that must be.

My health and the health of my husband has meant that we have made the decision that it wouldn't be fair on the child or us to have them. I have made peace with it but I do struggle sometimes. I find Christmas especially hard, I LOVE Christmas but feel really left out of everything. I find the whole 'Christmas is only for children' thing really pushes my buttons.
Last year I just sobbed all Christmas Eve as everyone posted photos of their kids and how special it was.
The rest of the time I'm usually ok but for some reason it all comes out then.

@Leighhalfpennysthigh “ If anyone wants to report this thread and get it deleted because you don't want childfree women here. Then crack on. But frankly, it makes you worse and as judgemental as the people who routinely treat us like shit.”

Here is the thing. I’m currently now consume with trying to have a baby and continue to work and hope my relationship doesn’t fall apart in the meantime. Plus struggling with my own mental health and well-being. You’re starting to throw all the above at me too now that if I don’t think it’s the best place for this thread I’m not worse than other people you feel treat you badly etc.

I can only speak for myself but I’m here for fertility advice and support. I am barely coping as it is. Trying to drag me into the child free /childless / parents debacle is unfair.

@Steenac7 I've been there. Believe me I know how shit it is and send you my very best wishes.

But please take this the way it's meant - if you don't want to read this thread, hide it. If you disagree with it - report it. It is really no skin off my nose whatever happens.

I think this thread is fine as long as it doesn't get hijacked by those who have CHOSEN not to have children (aside from those with medical conditions of course) and then use it to push their own "childfree and happy" agenda - the infertility board is NOT the place for that