Anyone else felt like this post miracle baby?

[Chirpychirpy3]

Hi,
After 3 years of ttc and being told we have unexplained infertility I fell pregnant from our first round of ICSI. Dd is now 6 months old and is the light of our lives.
I am however really struggling with some of my emotions surrounding her conception and I feel so guilty that it worked first time for us whereas we have several friends who have gone through several rounds and don’t have a baby.
Has anyone else felt like that? I know how incredibly lucky we are and I still find it hard to believe we have a baby but I just wish I could put these feelings of guilt aside. Infertility sucks so much and those feelings don’t even stop if by some miracle you end up with a baby at the end of it.

Hi OP,

Don’t feel guilty - you’ve been through some difficult things too and you mustn’t forget all that. Fertility treatments are a gamble for most couples. Not everyone’s circumstances are the same, so your treatment may have been more likely to succeed for whatever reason, whereas other couples may have different elements of fertility problems...

Lovely to hear your treatment was successful and enjoy being a mum!

You don’t need to feel guilty: the truth is that ICSI was designed for male factor infertility and so if your infertility problems are truly unexplained, male related, or related to fertilization then there is a good chance of it working first time. It’s just how it is.

I guess it's psychologically similar to 'survivor's guilt'.

It seems that some of us are programmed to feel guilty if we survive (succeed) where others (known to us or not) don't.

There is no real need for this but it is hard wired into some of us.

Please try to accept that it really is 'a throw of the dice' and this time you were lucky. If you get the chance, in the future, to be part of research as to why it happened this way then be thankful that your success has helped others in the future.

And

Be thankful for your gorgeous daughter, she is indeed blessed to be born to parents who appreciate their luck.

Thank you for the lovely messages.
It does sound like survivors guilt doesn’t it. That sums it up really well.

I will never forget how lucky I am and will treasure my daughter. I have so much respect to those who are strong enough to go through multiple rounds. I won’t be doing anymore.

@Chirpychirpy3
Yes, I totally get this. I felt exactly like this when we had success. I suspect as others have suggested that the feeling is related to personality rather than extent of experience with infertility.

It took us 6 cycles of IVF to have a successful one and I felt guilty when we did. Before this, I was a regular lurker and an occasional poster on threads for those of us multiple failures/the uber barrens club (as they are the only posters in infertility who I could really identify with) and I felt as though I had betrayed the group by succeeding and guilty that I was the successful one. And at the same time I felt I was an imposter in the parents club and this feeling took a long time to diminish.

By posting this, I’m in no way trying to minimise your or anyone else’s experience of infertility and I hope I don’t sound ungrateful because I am incredibly grateful that we eventually had success and am definitely not complaining about that.