It's "only" been a year but I am losing the will to live

[JustOneMoreCofy]

This cycle will mark 1 year since we started TTC.

DP has basically no sperm so chances of conception are loooooooooow. I think he's pretty depressed about it and doesn't really want to have sex any more, which obviously isn't helping.

I don't know why I'm posting. It's a shit situation and there is no magic wand.

The impact of infertility is different for everyone. I was ttc in total for for 5 years and then was referred for IVF which took 3 of those years for a BFP as the problem was around the quality of my eggs & thyroid / clotting disorders. Everybody I know who had IVF in your situation ie male factor have gotten pregnant either naturally within 2 years or after a few cycles of ICSI.

So in short yes I understand and sympathise but you have every reason to be positive.

Awww you have my sympathy, it must be a horrible situation, waiting and hoping for a whole year.

Is there anything fun you and DP would enjoy doing which would be easier before you get tied down with a baby? Maybe some exciting travel plans would cheer you up.

Make sure your DP understands that you'd like to have sex with him just for the fun of it, not just to conceive.

You'll get there

I agree - male factor is so much easier to treat with IVF or ICSI. My problem was egg quality / implantation, and I am still envious of people with male factor problems . 5 attempts for me all failed. But with ICSI there only needs to be one sperm. Good luck!

Thanks all. I think the milestone of a year is getting to me a bit. I know it's not that long in the grand scheme of things, but still.

FlamedToACrisp

Is there anything fun you and DP would enjoy doing which would be easier before you get tied down with a baby?

We recently bought a house, so our exciting travel plans don't go much further than B&Q!

Smidge001

I'm sorry to hear that IVF didn't work are you going to have any more cycles?

Thanks justone. No, I don't think so. I still want to have a child, but my OH isn't keen (he already has a daughter from a previous relationship though so it's really not the same thing ). But I'm 43 now so I have to accept it would be even less likely to work if we tried again. While I'm busy doing things it's OK. But then I suddenly freak out at the fact my family is all older than me and when they're gone i'll be all alone. It's very hard, and feels harder because my partner isn't really going through the same thing. But at some point I will just have to come to terms with it. Or become a teacher or something to make myself feel useful and important to children that way....

To the person who wishes they had male factor infertility over female
No you don't
My DP has non obstructive azoospermia. It is a completely devastating diagnosis. But all infertility, male or female factor causes unimaginable pain.

Im sorry to say OP but if your DP has basically no sperm as you say, you won't be able to get pregnant naturally.
I hope I don't sound brutal but just wanted to make sure people who have responded to this thread understand that for many of us, myself included, infertility is absolute and not something cured cause we stop trying, adopt, relax, get drunk... u get my drift.

Justonemorecofy I'm so sorry you find yourself here.
A male factor diagnosis is a huge blow for a man. Hell be feeling quite rough at the moment so make sure you look after him. And look after one another.
Sex often goes off the boil after an infertility diagnosis. It doesn't have to be forever. Right now his self esteem will be at rock bottom.

Moving forwards if he has some sperm in his sample then icsi is the way forwards so don't lose hope
X

Really tough. Would he consider a donor?

This was us 17 years ago. Tried for a year, got referred and my DH found out he had azoospermia. No obstruction, just no sperm. He was very sad, encouraged me to leave him and find someone else to have children with. I'd been with him since I was 18.

We went for IUI with donor sperm and now have a 15 year old and a 13 year old.

I understand that not every man would contemplate using a donor. My DH didn't come with me for the inseminations. However our relationship survived, we're all good, he's a fab dad and our children are "ours" (they do know how they were conceived though).

Hope things are ok for you and that you can find a way to move forward.

ICSI can help plus TESE where they extract sperm from the testicles.

Johnathan Ramsey is a spasm specialist, could you go and see him?

@FloellaDaVille

Do you and your DH try the IVF option at all or just straight to donor? I know there is the option to surgically remove sperm if they can't find

We weren't offered any alternatives at the time - the three options discussed by the consultant were childlessness, adoption or donor. We were so shocked because all this was the same day as DH's diagnosis.
We were seen as NHS patients and at no point were any other options offered.
We went on to have counselling through the infertility nurse about whether donor would be suitable for us.
We probably should have asked more questions... DH hates hospitals though ... going in to do his samples (had to do two) were stressful enough.