Clomid and thoughtless / unsupportive partner

[EL8888]

I have just done my 1st cycle of Clomid which didn’t work. I was complaining last night to my partner about the side effects l have experienced and the point of doing it going forward. I had stomach ache, felt really tired, terrible spotty skin, dizziness and my hormones have been all over the place.
Basically l ventilated for a while and basically laughed at me saying how he could he take them and what l want him to do about it. Our doctor doesn’t even know if we need this –we are unexplained infertility and it was just something to try and check off the list of things to do basically. I’m absolutely fuming!
Next month l am starting a new job and a post-graduate university course which is part of the new job so lots going on. I am wondering why bother as it most likely won’t work, it will probably impair my work / university performance and l won’t get much support from my partner anyway! His variable support has been an ongoing source of tension between us e.g. me organising all appointments / paperwork, him being reluctant to make lifestyle choices (conveniently he doesn’t believe him not having baths, cutting back on alcohol etc will help our chances -it will only help if l make lifestyle changes!!)
I then think is this a taste of things to come if we have IVF, Im left with a load of discomfort and inconvenience. While he glides around doing what he wants. His answer to me feeling ill and upset is to put it back onto me and say what do l want him to do. But he never wants to ask how l am or even validate while l feel like this.
To be honest l can’t wait to finish work, go home and drink a bottle of Prosecco. Which he won’t approve of.

Sorry l meant lifestyle changes -not lifestyle choices!

Do you really want a child with this man?

I'd seriously rethink plans to have a baby with him. I doubt his behaviour will suddenly improve. You deserve betrer than this and so does your future child.

Increasingly l am sick of the whole thing to be honest. 15 cycles in and nothing. Sick of mentally feeling shit, weeing on sticks, not being able to book holidays, not being able to drink and medical appointments etc. The way he is just makes me incandescent with rage, he opts out all the time and puts stuff on me. Time for me to do the same l think

Pregnancy will bring a new host of unpleasant physical effects. Having. A child is no bed of roses either and the primary responsibility for the more unpleasant things (night duty) is still mainly on the woman. Is he going to be more supportive when you had to get up every half an hour at night for the 12th night in a row?

@physicskate l am well aware of that about pregnancy and anyway it appears increasingly unlikely where l am sat at the moment. Oh he will be doing his fair share, l have made that very clear to him

IVF is incredibly hard to go through and I say this as someone whose partner has been there for me 100%. I would seriously consider whether you want to go through this and have a child with someone who can’t even be bothered to amend his lifestyle at all to help you have a child. I couldn’t do it the way you are with all the pain and lifestyle changes on your side and none on his. Maybe tell him you’re refusing to go through anymore treatment or even consider IVF until he grows up and acts like a equal partner. It takes you both doing everything you can to try have a baby or it doesn’t happen at all. If that doesn’t motivate him then you have bigger problems in your relationship IMO.

@EL8888 I am so sorry your DP is being so unsupportive. I had clomid (luckily managed to get pregnant on it) and it was really hard. My DH was wonderful but if he hadn't been I don't think I could've coped. It was the first time in my life I got proper anxiety and my hormones were an absolute mess. I had full monitoring and he was there at every single appointment and was fully on board with it all. As your DP is putting this back on you 'what do you expect/want him to do' think about it and be prepared with a proper answer next time. E.g. 'I need to feel more supported, if you do X, Y and Z things, I think this would make this feel easier to deal with.' That may be asking how you're feeling, or more practical things (I got hot sweats with the clomid and my DH bought me fans - handheld for the train, desk fan for work, large bedroom fan etc) but whatever will help in your individual situation.

Could you take him to your next Dr appointment? Perhaps if a Dr tells him to cut back on booze etc he might listen.

Have you tried taking the Clomid before you go to bed? Cuts down on side effects apparently.

@AnnaSteen reluctantly he has made lifestyle choices but he doesn’t see why he should have to and thinks they apply to me. I’m not happy about them either but appreciate they apply to us both.

@Dinosauraddict only monitoring l got was 21 day bloods. He seems a bit uninterested / bored at me feeling unwell

@BlueLadybird he’s been to all of them so far. I took it at night but most of my side effects were after l had stopped taken it

What I meant was that it only gets harder physically and emotionally (if successful or unsuccessful at becoming pregnant even though it's more likely that you will be able to get pregnant than not, statistically speaking). Are you sure he's the right person to go through this with? Are you sure he's ready to stand up? Obviously you don't need to answer that for me but only for yourself.

Dont count on him sharing night feeds or responsibility for baby simply because you have laid down the law. DH apparently couldn't hear DD crying at night. I couldn't leave her as she was a special care baby who was underweight. I had 4-5hrs broken sleep for about 6 months. He managed to hear her enough to huff loudly though! You'll be shocked to hear we are in couples counselling due to his selfish, entitled attitude. Could that be an option for you so you know if he's in this or not?