I feel like my life has been turned upside down. My husband was diagnosed with zero sperm count and I am devastated that we can’t have a child together. It’s been a long tough journey and with a year down the line with numerous tests and ops we are left in the position of using donor sperm, adoption with the added factor I have a low egg count. I feel like I’ve been down a deep hole and given up hope of what to do next. I feel I hold some resentment towards my husband because he was a heavy weed smoker and I almost called off our wedding because I wanted him to stop, but I loved him so I never. I now always wonder if this contributed to his no sperm. He has also become lazy and very overweight making me feel unattracted to him. I feel bad that I feel like this and I try and tell myself it’s because of what we have been through but it’s hard to feel happy when I am around him because of this and the way he looks. I’m scared that I will lose out on the chance of becoming a mum if we don’t go down the donor route. I’m also scared I end up terribly unhappy and this resentment never goes away or I never find him attractive again. I do love him but I don’t know if I’m in love. It’s horrible to feel like this. I don’t want to make a terrible mistake and leave my marriage. I also have pressure on me from the people I have confided in to hurry up and make a decision because I am not getting any younger. I am 33. Please let me know your thoughts.