Coping with IVF

[thefishthatcouldwish]

Hi all please be gentle with me.

My husband and I (after me loosing weight) are seeing our consultant in October. He wanted me to loose weight before he sent off the funding application for IVF. It’s our only option.

Well last year was tremendously hard for me. Coming to grips with the the ‘journey’ myself and my husband have found ourselves on.

Our last meeting with consultant 12 months ago was awful. He basically played with his papers and stared at the computer and told us awful news that my husband had no sperm. The way he broke the news was awful. Not human really.

He then went on (for what felt like hours) saying how I was so overweight and how awful that was and why did I get so big how my health was going to be impacted by my weight. I had two stone to loose. I left in tears. I had questions I wanted to ask but I couldn’t even talk. At that moment I hated everything about me.

It’s taken a long time but have become me again.

Roll on 12 months and I’m in a better place. I have days of panic but it’s days not weeks. I’m terrified though terrified of being back to where I was 12 months ago.

I worry so much about how I will cope with IVF process but mostly about it not working and how this will affect both myself and my husband. I’m scared of rock bottomZ.

I know I’ve been a bad friend too as so many of my friends are/have had babies that I shut off from them. I know I have by its my way of self preservation but I miss them and am scared of talking to them about how low I’ve been.

I also have a horrible sister in law who has made some comments that make me hate her. I would go none contact but don’t DH doesn’t want to due to the trauma they had as children. ( I realise I could not see her but the would create problems with DH).

Sorry for ramble

I should add I realise this is a very me me me post sorry 😟.

There is more to my SIL comments than I’m saying on here.

I’m sorry you’ve had a shitty experience so far. It’s so bloody hard and the doctor should have had more tact than that. Can you look at seeing someone else? If not make a complaint.

I’m sorry to say that in the years of ttc I think I turned into a bitter and terrible woman at times. I was hard and harsh at times but I felt justified in doing it. However it was more of the fear of the unknown. Once we actually started the process it became much easier to handle because you were actively doing something rather than just constantly being in limbo.

Regarding your friends If you feel you can be honest about how you are feeling. True friends will understand. You will always get some that have some weird stories about how their Aunty twice fell pregnant naturally despite a million rounds of ivf. Be prepared for those stories it’s just because people don’t know what else to say.

When it comes to doctors etc they should be more understanding. Be firm but polite. I had once nhs doctor suggest we use donor sperm as it would be ‘cheaper’ despite that fact my DH does have sperm just not great swimmer. I absolutely laid into her when she said ‘it would be the same as have a biological child’. What an utter dick. Luckily our clinic was fantastic and I couldn’t fault them.

In regards to your SIL just gently pull away and have little to do with her. Let your H deal with her.

Try not to worry about it not working you will drive yourself insane. It’s a LONG process with lots of drama along the way. Take each step at a time and only think about the next step. Otherwise you will become overwhelmed very quickly.

Finally be open and honest with your DH and let him be honest with you. You need to be solid with each other to survive.

Wishing you lots of luck.

In a way doing IVF is better than not because you're actually doing something. Could you afford a clinic in the EU if the NHS won't do it?

Thanks whatelse I’ve taken on board what was said. 😀. One step at a time.

The consultant seemed to think we would be entitled to it. Due to being in Wales two rounds would be offered. We could save for maybe one round. I just hated the consultant totally and utterly.

@thefishthatcouldwish i totally sympathise with you im starting ivf soon and its soo stressful and scarey but the alternative of not tryin seems even scarier. I guess its the old cliche' no one thinks infertility will affect them its a weird secretive world. Posting on here helps alot, i push ppl away to as u said its self preservation or we d go insane i think. As for your consultant complain or tell him to sod off i cant stand whollier than thou docs i suppose hes not smoked drank or let a morsel of junk foods pass his lips ever😒no ones perfect