@Celerysam I feel your pain. Its f-ing awful isn't it!.
I've had 3 rounds of ICSI- 1 pregnancy, which ended in Mc, and 2 failed cycles. I felt like I would die from the weight of my loss, but I didnt!
The 3rd cycle failed recently and I'm just dejected, sad, in shock (we really thought it had worked) exhausted and fed up, not to mention angry.
I need a break. We're self funded, but we're still looking at holidays. I think we could both do with letting loose; me in particular- I've been eating clean for a year, and I've been teetotal for the same amount of time and ive cooled friendships because this is so all consuming. Im gonna undo all of the above and live a little, then crack on with cycle 4.
Me and my bf are in couples ivf counselling and we are finding it really beneficial. Maybe revisit the counselling, maybe ask for someone different...?!
You have to allow yourself to hurt and crash. There's no point in trying to be strong. Your body and mind wont let you.
I tried being strong and went back to work after the mc quite soon. I really pushed myself, against advise (I'm a stubborn cow) and I crashed spectacularly.
If you don't feel like going to the party, don't, but wait until the day to decide: you never know how you may feel...
Your nephew won't remember your absence and I'm sure his parents understand the situaton you're going through?
Us women are strong though. If we can get through one cycle, we can get through anything.
Don't be hard on yourself. It's normal you're only human.
You are stronger than you think. I think us ivf ladies all are.
I wish I had some magic words or advise that I could give you.
All I will say is; look after yourself and allow yourself to be sad for a while. Also talk to someone anyone. It can help massively to talk to someone who isn't emotionally invested.
Lastly, Try again.
Best of luck with everything x