Paternal age risks for child + miscarriage

[Mikisland]

Hi there,

My partner and I are now on our second round of IVF and I've just had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. I'm 37 and my partner is 62. There's quite a big age difference but we desperately want a child together. I know this may seem selfish and unreasonable to some people. And I'm now starting to question it myself. So I am hoping to hear if anyone else has any experience similar to this? My questions are:

1. Are miscarriages more likely? If so has anyone managed to overcome and have a healthy live birth?
2. Does anyone know if our ages could have a negative affect on the child if we succeed?

Any stories, positive and negative will be great to hear. Thank you x

Risk of miscarriage does increase with age as egg quality deteriorates - the same with male sperm as recent studies have also found decreasing sperm quality over 40 years old. That being said I know loads of people in their 20s who have had miscarriages too

I don't think your age will have a negative effect as they're loads of women these days having kids in their late 30s. Your husband though......he'd be 80 just as they were leaving school. Best will in the world at 62 with a toddler running around and sleepless nights he isn't going to have the energy to keep up?. My FIL was mid 40s when DH was born and they don't have a close relationship at all because of the age gap - it's more like a grandfatherly one as they are completely different generations. A friend's dad was also over 80 when he was at uni and If im being brutally honest he seemed terribly embarrassed about it
Would this be his first child?

Yes this would be my first child.

The fact of the matter is its 2019 and men and women are becoming parents later in life for an array of reasons.
Sometimes you dont meet the right person, sometimes you meet a series of wrong ones, and like most of us on here, many of us have major battles with our fertility.

Im 10 years older than i was when i first started Ttc and setting out to be a mum. As is my DP. because we had a long arduous IVF journey.
As older parents we have alot to offer. Patience, wisdom, stability, life experience and financial security. I can also afford to stop work and be a SAHM.

My sister had her kids in her 20s.
She wasn't ready and has had a very difficult life as a result. I don't think the relationship with her son will ever recover.

I think older parents are very hard on themselves. We need to stop doubting ourselves and look at what we can do not what we can't.

FWIW i was raised by my grandmother who was in her 60s. I had a great childhood.

I don't kno if miscarriage is more likely sorry. I can't answer that one
Best of luck
Xx

Egg quality is what was repeatedly told to me with advancing age.

Multiple miscarriages (7 in total) with investigations and numerous visits to a “specialist “ unit to eventually being told that the probable cause was egg quality.

We were late 30’s.
And now, we have 2 children. The last one born when I was 43.

I’m knackered, but my second child is a very very easy child, luckily, I’m still knackered.

My first child didn’t sleep for more than 2 hours at a time until he was 5 and at school.

I cannot begin to describe the bone drenching utter utter exhaustion that I experienced for those 5 years. Some days I felt that I was going to die. I could not survive that again, with luck my 2nd child slept well, behaved well and was a breeze.

The worry and terrifying thoughts of disabilities because of that poor egg quality cannot be underestimated.

It’s the luck of the draw.
Shear good luck and persistence was our way.

my partner and I are almost exactly the same- I am 36 and he is 61. It was never suggested by either the NHS clinic or our private clinic that his age would be a factor in success or health of the child. Our NHS cycle was unsuccessful but our first private cycle has resulted in DD. First child for both of us. As far as I know she's healthy- time will tell I suppose.

I am sure we are judged by both people we know and strangers, though no one's had the nerve to comment to my face. All I can say is we are a loving couple, financially stable, and my DP is one of the most committed and loving fathers I've known- he's done everything else he wanted to do in life and is thrilled to be a father. I see all kinds of stories about deadbeat and abusive dads on MN and feel our lo is luckier than many.

There was an article I read a few years ago when TTC but I can't find it which covered this and was v interesting.

To answer your question 1, yes. It seems to suggest that parental ages somewhat offset each other. Eggs are a bit more important than sperm in terms of the effect of age but sperm are still significant; a 38 year old woman trying to conceive with a 26 year old man will have an easier time than one trying to conceive with a 38 year old man, and one trying to conceive with a 48 year old man will find it harder again. (Obviously this is an average)

Re your question 2, there is a significantly increased risk of autism with an older father, and I believe other developmental delays.

I guess the question is, given your ages, if you are happy and able to welcome and care for a child who is more likely to have disabilities. If the answer is yes, then go ahead. An increased risk isn't a certainty.

But I would suggest you think about what you can do to offset the negative impact on your child. Are there other family members, cousins etc, who will support them and you if they lose their father young? Would they be financially impacted if he needed care while they were still in school? Your partner is the same age as my in laws who are active grandparents but tired after a day of full time care. My parents are mid-seventies so the same age he'll be with a primary/stroppy teenager and would in no way be able for more than a day at a time caring for a child, ageing has really started to become apparent in the last couple of years with them after many years of being healthy and active.

It's all chance but you stack the odds against yourself in your situation, however there are things you can do to mitigate.

Hello,

I think paternal age is a factor in nhs ivf with a cut off of 55 in most areas - which suggests there may be some evidence for it? However, certainly lots of men are fathers later in life.

I have a friend who is roughly your age and her husband is 67. They had her first child and his fourth a couple of years ago - the dad is retired and therefore has had so much time and love to give their son and they are very close. Family’s come in all shapes and sizes xxxx