AIBU......DH "forgets" his conception vitamins

[itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted]

So not only has my period come today after a miscarriage last month but DH has "forgotten" to take his pre conception vitamins AGAIN! Wouldn't mind if it was a one off but it's all the bloody time! This morning I actually shouted at him "if i can remember to shove things up my arse three times a day (cyclogest!) the least you can do is remember one vitamin"

The things you'd never imagine yourself saying! Infertility is turning me into a crazy woman!

In my hormonal state I KNOW I'm NOT being AIBU but if I don't vent here I may end up saying something much worse to DH! 🤣

You aren't being unreasonable. But instead of shouting, suggest tools to help. He might be forgetting, or it could be denial.

If it's purely forgetting, suggest an alarm or one of those weekly pill holder things, so he can SEE if he's taken it already. See if he follows through.

If it's denial, a trip to counselling might be a good idea for him.

Women put themselves through so much emotionally as well as physically and it's sometimes hard for our partners to understand or empathise...

To be honest I've tried the softly softly approach so far - "oh don't forget your vitamin" or putting the pack right in front of the sink so he can't miss it even the odd text reminder. I think if I suggested an alarm he would say I'm being too controlling so I can't really win

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted I agree, especially given everything you've gone through the absolute least he could do is take one tablet per day. A tablet that doesn't even give him side effects and causes no discomfort or pain!

I'm prob not helpful for you cause I would be extremely emotional and tell him that his actions tell me that he's not invested in the process and clearly doesn't care what I'm going through. That won't be the reason he's forgotten to take them but he should really understand how it looks to you.

He needs to grow up and take responsibility for remembering his tablet and thank you when your try and help him to remember when you do - does he need to remind you to take injections or pessaries?! You have enough on your plate without pussyfooting around him. I hope he sorts himself out and helps you shoulder this burden soon xx

Talk to him about the impact this is having on you! Is he prepared for you have more invasive treatment if he can't take a simple tablet once a day? I'm sorry if that is controlling, but it's also reality...

My dh took it off his own back to quit drinking entirely (down from probably a bottle of wine a week) in the three months running up to our ivf to give is the best chance. He wanted to do everything he could for US because it was our possible child, but my body that would go through the most shit.

Honestly, it sounds like he doesn't understand the impact this has on you or the possible ramifications of his actions. Counselling.

Is he maybe not actually ready for a child?

Write ‘this is important to me, is it important to you?’ on the bottle and put it somewhere he can’t miss it. On top of toothbrush/kettle/phone etc.

Thanks everyone!
I do need a serious chat with him - we re doing another FET transfer in about 3 weeks and after that I suspect we ll need to do another full cycle. He's going to have to have spent fragmentation tests done and the medication for that is 3 months so I need to trust him to take it! Last bank hols weekend he also drank 2 bottles of wine a night! I've started to prime him by saying we re going to have to do a health boot camp for 3 months before the next cycle but It sometimes feels like I'm his mother constantly nagging him!

I should say we do already have one child - before her it was more difficult to get him enthusiastic about it all but this time around I haven't had to try so hard to get him have an early night. We have had 3 mc and a near fatal ectopic in the last 18 months and after our first IvF transfer failed he was very much talking about how soon we can go again but I don't think he realises the ramifications of his lifestyle on his fertility

YANBU. When we first started down this ‘journey’ my DH was quite dismissive of vitamins and pills etc. Was only once we had the third SA come back and that it had made a bit of a difference did he get on board. Once he understood what I was having to go through despite nothing officially ‘wrong with me’ he was much more supportive. I think at first it was denial but then we had to have a very serious chat. I told him if he couldn’t be arsed to remember to take two pill a day I couldn’t be arsed to have treatment and we couldn’t have a baby. Blunt but to the point. It worked. He is much more supportive now.

I would not tolerate or be interested in having a child with someone so disinterested in trying to make it happen. Two bottles of wine a night?? My DH when we found out we were going to have to have IVF gave up caffeine, alcohol and ate super healthily - gave up bread, started having salads for lunch etc. He takes his supplements x3 times a day and also takes Chinese meds even though he has problems swallowing tablets and retches horribly when trying to take them. I have never ever had to nag him to take them. We both decided we wanted a child so we are both doing everything in our power to make it happen. Your DH sounds pathetic.

Dh used to do this. We didn’t have male factor and so I think he thought I was punishing him or something. It took the consultant having a word for him to start taking it seriously - maybe book a pre-transfer appointment and do the same?

I can relate! I've had all excuses in the book. One thing which made a huge difference to my DH's attitude, we watched Alex Jones (one show) Fertility and Me programme together.

It really hit home to him how important male health also is. Might be worth a watch?