End of the road?

[purpleweasel]

Various kinds of fertility treatment for nearly 10 years when we finally conceived our lovely daughter, now nearly 3. My husband is from quite a big family and we are both close to our siblings so we wanted to try again. This time last year had a horrible mc which affected my physical and mental health for months. So far this year have had a failed cycle and an early mc.

We still have 4 or 5 frozen embryos but my age is against me (mid 40s).
Some days I think I should be grateful and focus on and enjoy what we have: I don't know how we'd have coped the last year if we didn't have our daughter. Other days I don't want to give up hope, I'm still very clucky and working with expectant mothers a lot of the time doesn't help. But the process is so tiring and is beginning to erode our savings.
I would be interested in other people's stories...

It's never the end of the road. Stay positive good things come to those who wait. Good luck x

@purpleweasel why don't you talk it through with your husband and set a limit, make that the end of the road for this process. Nobody but you two understand your motivations for this and nobody but you two can feel your pain.

I'm in a similar position, I have an 11 year old and would love another with my husband but 4 failed transfers and I'm beginning to believe that it's not meant to be. We've agreed one more fresh cycle and we'll close this door. I know can't keep doing this to myself and pausing our family life for this rather than appreciating what I have. Having a child already changes things for us so I'm now working on resetting the picture I have in my head for what my family would look like.

We're going to travel with the time and money that not having a baby will afford us, the one we have will see the world!

I hope you find peace xx

@MrsC18 Thank you for your supportive message. We had set a limit of my birthday in the autumn but we are not sure if we want to put ourselves through any more even though we have 6 months or so. It's hard to separate out biological imperative and common sense, but we are beginning to feel we need to work towards acceptance and as you say, resetting the family picture.

purple I really feel for you, it's horrendously difficult. We tried for 10 years before finally having a DC through surrogacy. Siblings would have been nigh on impossible for us - this was an issue for DH but I never felt the pressure for a big family, so this made it easier to accept. If you are only going to have one DC, would it help to try and separate how much that's what YOU need rather than family expectations? As you say, it's so hard to separate the two. One DC is an amazing way to live your life, it has to be said - there are so many positives!

What will you do with your embryos if you don't carry on and "use" them?

None of it is an easy choice, perhaps recognising if you go ahead it will be the last time and this is part of your acceptance?

@RandomMess that is also part of the decision we have to make, and it's not easy at all. I don't know what most people decide but we haven't got anywhere near working that bit out yet