Anniversary of failed ivf cycle and new family members baby

[heresHalloweenagain18]

Hi

Today marks the day of otd of my failed ivf cycle last year.

Can feel Af on her way, felt unwell for past few days and rubbish. Brother and sister in law baby is due any day now.

Yesterday i was kind of baby bombed as went to visit family where another family member who does not visit due to family breakdown , unexpectedly was there with New baby . Was a very akward situation all round due to circumstances of breakdown..(not due to us).

Felt so rubbish watching the baby cooed over though hid it . Did have a hold as wanted to meet them and try to embrace it and it just hurt my heart .

After nearly 5 years of ttc since i miscarried my only pregnancy , its becoming so wearing to be happy for others while so sad for myself.

Just tired of putting on a brave face all the time.

Thanks for reading if you got this far
X

I'm so sorry OP, it is so hard trying to keep being happy for others while falling apart.

Sounds like you are doing amazingly though if you managed to hold the baby and not cry, I'm impressed!
I couldn't have done that when I was in your position, you have inner strength.
Are you having another round of ivf?

Don't try and put on a brave face, it's your brother after all, if you break down holding their baby no one will think any other than sympathy and understanding for you. The baby will be your neice or nephew and if you can overcome your hurt to bond with him or her it might be easier than trying to avoid meeting him or her, which will be nearly impossible with close family

Hi Mig

Thankyou for your kind responce.
I think it was more the fact of feeling i had an audience than stregnth that kept me from crying to be honest. Which made it feel worse, as though they were waiting to see my reaction. Thankyou .

Hubby has been adament that he does not want to do any more ivf. So that has not helped the heartbreak the past year. Lately he has seemed a bit more receptive to discussing so will see..

X

Hi Bahhhhhumbug

Thankyou for your reply.

I should of been more clear in my post the baby is not my brothers baby . My brothers baby is due any day now.

The family members baby i held was born a few weeks ago.

And it was an unexpected situation as they have been stearing clear of close family and were adament thats the way it would stay for the forseable future. Its hard to explain properly without being outing.

Thankyou again for your reply and thoughts x

Hi Hhalloween you're welcome, l did realise that the baby you met and held wasn't your brothers. I was suggesting for when you think you might struggle to meet your brother's that it might be easier long term to embrace your new neice or nephew than trying to avoid. I was in a similar situation myself years ago and decided throw myself in and eventually found l wasn't putting on an act anymore if that makes sense. I hope your dh comes round and you get your happy ending x

It is shit

After our first cycle had failed , found out that my friend was preg and my partners niece preg again by accident

Was a hard few months

Obv I was very happy for them but pinpointed our failure

And again hard when both born. As that’s when our baby should have been born

Tho I loved them and having cuddles and seeing them
Etc

I did think why isn’t it happening for me - esp as while they were preg we had another ivf which failed

Sorry dh says no more ivf

It is gruelling and soul destroying 💐💐💐