Donor egg, donor sperm

[Bigdreams]

I'm single, infertile 37.
Is IVF donor egg, donor sperm a possibility for me on the nhs? I have a consultant app for my condition in July so will broach referral then but just wanted to do some research before then. The nhs site wasn't clear for solo people.

If anyone is doing this route can you talk me through the process.
I'm worried about the amount of time for appointments and feeling ill on the medications. I have a tough job which I'd need to keep to raise baby.

It's really shit and I feel for you but at the same time it's not a human right to have a child. The NHS is overstretched and IVF is a postcode lottery at best. As for adoption it's definitely not a straight forward process but as an adoptee I can honestly state my parents never felt it was 'second best'. Pregnancy is genuinely such a small part of raising a child and facilitating an individual having a secure childhood.

It might not be a human right to have a child but it's a biological urge that can't just disappear. It's an emotional rollercoaster that no one seems to understand.
I've never once said or thought that adoption is second place. I have said it's completely different which it is. It's not about genetics or pregnancy to me. Adoption is not for me.

You say it's not about pregnancy but then talk about wanting to experience that. Tbh it would be far better to focus on being content with yourself and life in general rather than hanging what appears to be every hope on donor egg/sperm IVF or focus on how you can pay for it privately.

Bigdreams you might want to look at this very supportive thread on the Donor Conception board, and some of its precursors - the early ones were just in Conception. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/3258275-makeithappen-ttc-through-donor-iui-or-donor-ivf-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-thread-12

A lot of the women who’ve been on the thread are single and although all started with IUI or own egg IVF I can think of several who have been unable to get/stay pregnant using their own eggs and have used donor eggs - all three of the women I’m thinking of now have babies from donor eggs (and donor sperm).

I’d try not to get too hung up on what you will or won’t get from the NHS. I know some trusts will fund a certain amount of IVF for lesbian couples who don’t conceive through IUI so it’s worth asking, but in general if you’re going it alone you have to pay. Can you focus your energy on finding out costs and thinking how to fund it?

Do you need to wait until July to raise it? That sounds like a long time to stress about whether or not it might be funded. If you know you’ll need to use donor eggs then there’s less of a hurry because your egg quality isn’t an issue, but it sounds like months of worrying when you could get an answer sooner?

Would you consider embryo donation/adoption rather than IVF with donor eggs and sperm? Embryo adoption is usually a lot cheaper than IVF with egg and sperm donation and the waiting list is usually shorter. I don’t think it’s something you can have on the NHS, but if you can’t afford to pay for IVF then it might be a cheaper alternative for you.

Bigdreams Now i dont know why you are infertile but advice can be given by the wonderful ladies on infertility if they know what the issues are? (If you are inclined to share ofcourse).

I have seen people who were told they had no chance of pregnancy acheive it ..... Now i am aware that not everyone is lucky enough to acheive it but the wealth of information that i have gained here on my infertility journey (still ongoing) has been invaluable. This whole process is unfair and heartbreaking but the one thing that i have learned it is to pick yourself up and dust yourself off you are stronger than you think!

When you meet with the clinic it may well be worth asking about donor Blastocysts (Couples can donate them if they have too many) it would save all the worry of fertilisation rates and waiting with your breath held to see if you get some healthy Day 5/6 Blastocysts. (Your doners may even be in a relationship so it wouldnt be as difficult for the resulting child searching for two seperate donors (If they so wish at 18 under UK law) If you are in the uk? Also may be cheeper as no extra time needed in the lab to grow them into day 5/6 blasts and you would get a clear idea of the grading of the blasts from the offset. "I would need someone else to confirm this if possible?? as i do not want to mislead the OP"

Ivf would them be skipped and you could go straight to a FET which is incredibly cheeper! If you still get periods there is a chance that you could do a natural FET which is again cheeper as no drugs. So far as i am aware a FET can be around £1000 but i am unsure of the cost when you include donor material. Please confirm with your clinic as im not 100%.

To receive donor eggs or sperm / blasts im am sure that you need to speak with the clinic. Hard questions will be asked to ensure that it is the correct way forward for yourself. You never know unless you have had overies removed they may just have a plan that could work for your own eggs.

As PP has said you have more time with donor eggs so please dont stress about time running out. Its well worth taking a step back, and calmly asking questions.... I know its easier said than done but you will make your self ill if you continue to stress.

Wishing you the best of luck OP

Earl You beat me to it! These boards are great for information!