IVF - did you tell people you were doing it?

[DontCareBear]

Hi all,

Hope everyone is well and moving along nicely at whatever stages you are at, as there are so many!

My husband and I have decided we will start IVF this year. I just don't know who to tell though. I feel a bit out of order not telling my mum and my husband's parents that we are going for it. But at the same time, I dont want them to be continously asking how it is all going and putting pressure on us announcing whether it worked or not. I never wanted it to be like this, family waiting around and expecting an announcement. It was meant to be a lovely surprise announcement.

I feel so angry that I dont get to enjoy those small pleasures that come with falling pregnant naturally and nobody knowing you were trying all this time. I feel like if I tell people I am really kissing goodbye to the last opportunity to announce a surprise pregnancy and enjoy breaking the good news to people in the way that it always should have been announced.

Anyway, I am probably ranting and this makes no sense but did you guys tell your immediate families or kept it between yourselves until you knew whether the first cycle worked or not?

Did you regret telling people if you did? Dis you regret not telling people if you didnt?

I should also say that another reason I dont want to tell my mum in particular is because she always takes bad news really badly and can add more stress to a situation. This will play on her mind all the time, especially since my older sis is now 5 months pregnant after not even trying (she is a lucky first time we stopped using contraception type). I am assuming it is not a good idea to have IVF treatment with people around you that create more stress? Does stress effect chances of success?

So what do you all think?

Thanks and sorry for the long post!

Hi @S0nya this is an old thread so you may not get a response.

There's a donor egg board, have you tried posting there?

As a side note, where did you go for Indian egg donor treatment as I have a close friend who is looking for Indian DE.

@s0nya it is kind of unreasonable for people to say that as you never know how genetics will turn out. I'm indian as is my brother in law who is married to a white partner, both of their children who are genetically both of theirs are blond haired and blue eyed, they don't look even remotely half Indian - DH and I always get very funny looks when we are babysitting the kids and take them to the park, people seem to think we have kidnapped them or something. You honestly never know how genetics will play out so the fact that your DD looks very white shouldn't be a give away that she is a donor egg baby. Either way, your daughter is your daughter, you nourished her and she grew inside of you for 9 months, she is yours.
I also have a dual heritage white and Indian cousin who has ginger hair, white skin and light eyes.

Thank you for your message pinktruffle... that really helps me .. I just am worried about falling into Post natal. I have woken up feeling better today x

Hello everyone! We did IVF in Dec 2019 and then I missed carried. I was 39 then and it was a fresh cycle. Just did one and we're at the two week wait at the moment. As to your question on whether if we told anyone, for the 1st cycle I was quite chatty and shared the info with close friends and family members. This time, we've limited it to just our parents and 1-2 close friends. I know of a friend who didn't even tell her mother 'bout her IVF babies! So yeah, I guess each one's different and like one of the commenters mentioned here, there is still that bizarre stigma revolving around it.