Was anyone convinced their IVF would never work?

[RedPandaFluff]

Hello everyone,

I'm curious to know whether any of you were absolutely convinced that your IVF attempts would never work, but then one did and you got your precious baby after all?

I've felt in my bones for years that I'll never have children and now, during cycle 3, I'm more convinced than ever that no matter how often we try and how much money we spend doing so, we're destined not to be parents.

Have any of you felt the same, and then gone on to become pregnant?

I did think 39 cycles ? But didn't want to question it.

I know people have a lot but 39 I was thinking 🤔

Yes and no. I can totally relate to your post. We have had some epic IVF failures in our time with 2 rounds of zero fertilisation and an ovarian ectopic to name the most drastic (out of 6 cycles in total TTC no1 and still TTC no2).

Once we overcame the zero fertilisation we got lucky in cycle 3 and have a beautiful daughter. Our quest for number 2 has been equally stressful and is not complete.

Do I think we'll get there? Well if I didn't I don't think I'd be doing it anymore....it's wearing me down beyond belief but most people do get their in the end if they keep at it. It can take time, heartache and a good few cycles to get your take home baby even in young couples....

Hang in there. You mention a chemical pregnancy so you can get pregnant! Wish you lots of luck!!

Was going to say wow at 39 ivf cycles

But you mean 39mths of ttc so just over 3yrs

Is that right ?

Took 10yrs so 120 cycles tho 5 of Those were ivf

I THINK at the time anyone who i knew who did ivf either Got preg 1
Or 2 cycles

So when both failed I thoight 3 would be my lucky number - it wasn’t. Was 4 But 5 was

Obv depends on age. I WAS 40 41 42.5 on my 3 fresh cycles and the last cycle we had 6 to freeze

My sister is currently 32 weeks pregnant with her first dc after 11 cycles of IVF.

I had a low antral follicle count for my age and didn't respond well to stims even at high doses. My first IVF cycle was cancelled before egg retrieval due to a poor response.

My second cycle started off badly and it looked as though it too would end up being cancelled. I did think then that it probably wasn't going to happen for me. But eventually six eggs were retrieved and I ended up with four blastocysts. One was transferred and within a few days, I was convinced it hadn't worked, but it had and DD was born last spring.

A friend of mine and her DH had IVF (both of them had fertility problems). IVF1 resulted in few eggs being retrieved and failed. IVF2 resulted in poor quality embryos and failed. The doctors weren't optimistic about their chances with IVF3, but this time everything went to plan. This round actually produced both their DCs (one was a fresh transfer and one was a FET).

I hope you get good luck this time. As the nurse said to me, it only takes one.

Hi, that is how I feel now and it's only after 1 failed IVF/ICSI. DH also feels like a failure and is convinced it will never work for us and it's a waste of money. I think for me the money aspect is the biggest pressure. We are in debt now and I have no idea how we are going to pay for all of this especially if I indeed will get pregnant and will stop working for a while... I think it is a self-defence mechanism, I don't want to be all hopeful and then deal with the failure.

@Viletta I found the first failed cycle hardest to deal with. I think it was because I was so full of hope, my friend became pregnant on her first go, it just seemed possible and it was the first time my negativity and gut feeling of "I'll never be a mum" eased. So I was devastated. I had to accept that IVF is a long haul and we're potentially looking at many cycles to give ourselves a chance.

Financially it's very hard. Are you entitled to any NHS treatment? Are you eligible for egg sharing? Have you looked at treatment options abroad?

Hi @RedPandaFluff Thank you for your kind reply. It's nice to know that it is kind of normal to be a bit on a pessimistic side.
I am not a UK citizen so unfortunately not entitled to NHS fertility treatment (although the issue is with DH and he is!). I was gutted to find out that I am not entitled to free IVF in my home country either as I no longer live there. We tried egg sharing, the doctors convinced me to give it a go as they were hopeful to collect 20+ eggs.. I only had 7, so that didn't work either. We are now looking at Reprofit in Chezh. I've heard about quite cheap options in countries like Armenia, but looking at the site, they need full check-up beforehand (heart cardiogram, thyroid ultrasound, etc). As we both work full time, I don't think we will have time/money for this option.

Going abroad is definitely a good possible option - I had two cycles at Praga Medica (GEST) in the Czech Republic and we still have a frozen embryo there, so I'm going to do two UK cycles and then go back to Prague to have our frostie transferred. And then that's it - I feel we have to draw a line under it, and accept that it's not going to happen. There are major pitfalls to going abroad though - have you actually committed yet?

@RedPandaFluff, Not yet, but investigating the option. I feel like we probably won't get to the point to freeze anything and spending £5K in the UK for just one attempt is so heartbreaking. Hopefully it will work for you in the end, FET has normally higher success rate. Are you eligible for NHS treatment? what pitfalls do you see in treatment abroad?

Hi @Viletta - I'm really sorry it has taken me a while to come back to you. I've just search for my previous post on this; here you go:

Hi everyone - I recently had donor egg IVF in the Czech Republic and thought some of you might find my "lessons learned" useful. I think I would have valued a post like this when I was doing my research, so thought it might help someone else trying to make a decision whether to have treatment at home or go abroad.

1. If you're unlucky and your procedures fall on weekends or holidays, you can end up spending more than you bargained for on flights and accommodation. One set of flights for us ended up costing £300 each due to bad timing - all in all, that one visit cost close to £1000.

2. Factor in costs of ultrasounds and prescription meds, and how easy it is to get these in the UK (e.g. is there a UK partner clinic that will issue prescriptions to you?) We spent around £200 on ultrasounds here, and around £400 on meds that we could only get once we were in Prague.

3. Find out whether you will be able to communicate directly with your doctor. We had to go through a "patient coordinator" and if we had questions we could only email them and then it could take several days to get a response. This felt like an additional series of obstacles, caused some misunderstandings due to language barrier, and definitely added to my frustrations and anxiety.

4. If you go for a "guarantee" package, check for admin fees. We paid for a package that included a FET guarantee - i.e. that there would be at least one embryo to freeze and we were told in emails that the FET procedure is included in the package price. Now that we're trying to arrange the FET, we're being told there is an additional "admin fee" of €700. They managed to hide this as a tiny one-liner in the contract - so although I have emails confirming it's included, we still have to pay the "admin fee" as it's our own fault for missing this in the contract.

5. Beware of other hidden expenses - prior to the frozen transfer we've been asked to have another consent form signed and notarised, as the clinic needs one for every procedure. So that's another £80+. You'll also need STD tests and other examinations prior to starting treatment - check that these are included.

I guess the overall point to consider is that if you're going abroad primarily to save money, you might not save as much as you think. Our base package cost was £6500 but in reality we spent around £10k.

I do think I had a bad experience with our chosen clinic - I had to correct them a couple of times when I was there having embryo transfer (nothing serious, just which package we were on etc.) but it was unnerving.

Happy to answer any questions, and good luck to everyone starting out on this path 

@RedPandaFluff hi, thanks for getting back to me! I will double check all the info and look out for hidden costs. I've been reading a lot of good comments about Reprofit in Brno. I wonder if they have better experience and technology due to the sheer amount of patients they have. What was the outcome of your FET if I may ask?

I have felt this so strongly in the last few days. We have just had our fourth transfer (2nd FET from 2nd fresh cycle, the first was a bit of a disaster) and I just can’t believe it will ever happen for us. I can’t really put my finger on why - it just seems like something we want so much, and that it so far away, I cannot picture it ever happening. I think a bit of it is feeling like we are stuck in a rut and nothing will ever change, but I just can’t shake the feeling.

1st cycle: cancelled
2nd cycle: MC at 5+6 despite it being a Grade 1 blastocyst
3rd cycle: Failed FET
4th cycle: never stops singing, and I cherish every moment but bite a hole in my tongue 85 times a day to stop myself from asking her to be quiet. She's 6.

Yes, I was sure it was never going to work. But it did, and it can.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and learn from each go.

@RedPandaFluff How're you doing?

It's a horrible feeling, isn't it, @struggleisreal - makes everything we go through during the process seem pointless.

@oh4forkssake it's good to know that other people have felt similarly but it HAS worked . . . I worry that it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your mind stops your body from letting it happen.

@AliceScarlett ahhh thank you for asking - I'm busying myself organising the next transfer, we have a frozen embryo left so we might be able to arrange that for January. How are you doing?

Pleased to hear you're doing ok. Onwards and upwards!

I'm waiting to start, they said it might be 4 months :( have already waited 3 years!