I am in mourning. I mourn for the woman I used to be before I started TTC.
I mourn for the young carefree woman that used to thing ‘when’ I have children not ‘if’ I have children.
Where is the woman that used to have sex with her husband for fun and enjoy it and because she fancied the pants off him not because the fucking flashy smiley says we should?
Where is the woman that does feel a bit of sadness every time a new pregnancy is announced despite the fact there are not a finite number of babies in the world?
Where is the woman who rolled around quite happily in bed and did not wake up at 6.30on the dog every day just to make sure her temperature charting was accurate despite the fact it’s a Saturday and you’ve just worked a 60 hour week?
Where is the woman who does not obsess over the colour/texture and god help me smell of cervical fluid?
Where is the woman who would scoff at the thought of taking that many supplements if you picked her up she would rattle?
Where is the woman that would quote happily splash out on a lovely holiday to a zika country three years ago and not consider that you ‘might’ be pregnant despite the fact two years later she’s still not pregnant?
Where is the woman whose life is not lived in two week sodding blocks?
Where is the woman before I TTC? I want her back. This has to change. NOW. For the future of my sanity.