When to stop IVF after multiple rounds?

[Botanica]

Feeling very emotional about the decision ahead so am looking to see if anyone has reflections they could share of their thought process during this difficult time.

What were the factors you weighed up, how did you ultimately come to your decision, and how do you feel about it now?
Or did you decide to keep going for a little longer or until a certain point?

Personal experiences only please from those who have lived through this thought process, and are without children.

I'm 40+ have done four rounds of IVF, and have the MMC and CPs to add to the list too :(

I don't know if I have the strength to keep going, but likewise am terrified to give up....

Hi Botanica - DH and I decided in advance that we would do three full cycles (I.e. including any frozen transfers) and then stop. We're technically still on our first cycle - I had a fresh transfer, and then a frozen transfer - but I honestly think that if we get to the end of our three and it hasn't worked, I'd struggle to not try again. I'd be thinking "what if the next one worked?"

It will probably come down to money for us, though. I don't want us to get into massive debt for an unlikely outcome.

Sorry - that isn't a very clear answer! And how I feel after two failed transfers may not be the same as how I'd feel after four or five. I'm hoping that it's a case of, when it's time to stop, I'll just know that it's the right thing to do.

Check out the book 'The Next Happy'. I think you'll find it relevant and helpful.

We had to give up due to medical reasons, but I think it's one of those things where either you know in your hearts that you have done everything you can do (bearing in mind cost is a massive factor, as is both of yours mental and physical health), or your doctor tells you that there is nothing more that can be done. Sorry if that's too vague, but basically if you feel you've come to the end of the road, then you probably have. Xx

Everyone is different

We said two. The. They failed. We licked our wounds and researched and decided to go abroad as cheaper and imo technology better

3rd failed but with higher drugs we had some to freeze

4th failed but 5th worked. First bfp in 10yrs of ttc

I was almost 44 when I gave birth

If all our frozen embryos failed we would have given one last shot at donor eggs

Sorry to hear your story. This is a question I am currently struggling with.....
1st fresh cycle cancelled as no eggs fertilised
2nd fresh cycle. Attempted transfer but womb lining only 5.8mm.
Next 4x Frozen Embryo Transfers with prednisolone/aspirin/heparin all cancelled due to thin lining (most recently this week)
In between cancelled cycles I have had a hysteroscopy and an operation on my womb which have not helped.
I was ready to say to consultant on Monday that clearly my womb is broken and this will not work.
However consultant implied to me that if we stop it will be quitting (though he had no new ideas and recommended another hysteroscopy and same meds for next cycle). I've always wanted to be able to say to myself I tried everything if it doesn't work so now dont feel i can stop. However also don't know how much more I can continue....as not been able to get as far as embryo transfer for over a year I've had absolutely zero chance of pregnancy.
I do believe my husband and I can have a good life without children but to actually take that step is hard. Especially as I do not think doctors are going to TELL us to stop.

I have started reading few books about moving on as persipan suggested. I have found them useful.

Do you have embryos left Botanica? We have 4....and have no idea what we would do with them.

Thank you @RedPandaFluff
We never really set out with a limit in mind, although did expect it could take three cycles.

We also expected to have fresh rounds, leading to blast transfers with extra embryos to freeze (naively optimistic, I know...), and that hasn't turned out to be the case.

It feels as though we got so close with a MMC at eleven weeks after the second round, and I think because of that we both thought that since we were successful at getting to a pregnancy, then it could happen again.

And maybe it could, I have no idea.

My partner would keep on going until finances stop us, but I fear that my ability to weather the physical and emotional aspects will curtail us first...

@Persipan thank you very much for the recommendation. I am going to take a look at the book and will order it.
I definitely need some different perspectives to put everything in context.

I think finding a way to better listen and trust my heart is something I need to work on @Leigh. It all feels such a jumble right now.
Thank you for your kind words.

I've had seven general anaesthetics within 11 months, which includes three surgeries to remove aggressive recurring fibroids which have rudely interrupted several of my cycles. I know there'll be a limit of how many times I can be operated on before there's a risk of too much scarring or risking the integrity of the uterus.

It's so frustrating, after so many ops, it finally looks like the womb is ok, and now no embryos survived to transfer. I could scream with frustration...

@Blondeshavemorefun thank you for sharing your journey. It's possible mine could pan out that way and your story gives me hope!

I think my partner and I need to talk more to look at how long we pursue the same avenue before changing tack and trying something different, whether it be abroad or donor assistance.

It's a tough conversation for us to have right now as he sees it as me being negative and not committed to the outcome whenever we try to talk anything other than going back for another go at fresh...
On the plus side, he is very positive, driven and optimistic which sometimes I've needed to lean on when it all feels like it's too much...

@World it does sound like we are both struggling with similar dilemmas and feelings.

I've just had my best fresh cycle yet of eleven eggs end up with no blastocysts to transfer. Devastating. So sorry to hear about your unsuccessful FET.

I've also had my IVF interspersed with womb operations which I think has made the whole process so much more gruelling, and adding extra complexity.

I keep thinking surely, just surely, I am due some good luck soon, but no, the bad news keeps on rolling in.

I always read about the percentage of people who were ultimately unsuccessful with IVF. I never thought when starting out that could be me.

I think the thing to make peace with is knowing you couldn't have possibly done any more. And I can honestly, hand on heart, say I have tried my best. Given it everything. I really have.

All my best wishes for your next steps.

I think you stop either for financial reasons or when you have exhausted all avenues you are prepared to explore such as PGS if egg numbers allow or donor eggs for eg if that's an option. I did the below cycles (I'm sorry you asked not to hear of those successful but wanted to explain my thought process behind stopping or carrying on)
-Own egg failed
-Own egg cancelled
-Donor egg failed with immunes/scratch
-Donor egg miscarriage with immunes/scratch/glue/embryoscope
-Donor egg successful after a 2 year break with immunes only and first time I had a blast transfer

Every time I felt I tried something different plus I had low egg numbers on all cycles apart from the last having day 2 transfers so I didn't feel like I had a fair chance, the miscarriage made me feel a step closer so that spurred me on more and after a big break I found the strength to go again. PGS wasn't on my radar as I used 3 different egg sources so I didn't feel like there was a pattern to the failure, had I used my eggs each time with no success I may have given up sooner

I think as you get older obv fertility declines

What are your AMh and fsh

I had my 3rd cycle at 42 and they gave me a higher dose of drugs to get more eggs and think out of the 8 I got 7 survived past 5 days and for frozen

Where as in uk I had think 3 and 5 which went to 1 in cycle 1 and 3 in cycle 3

Maybe abroad thought what the hell and overdosed me and if I had ohss I wouid have frozen all

But anyokder then to be relastix I think you to decide whether you want to try de

I have worked for a few mums who have de (I’m a maternity nurse)

I have few friends in their 40’s try. One knew she had one go at ivf so Decided as almost 40 to use de and got preg first round and baby is now 5’mths

Another after using own eggs for 3 rounds
And was 42 And failed decided to go one last cycle with de and is 12w preg

I'm 40 with AMH of 14.
Clinic sees no reason why it shouldn't be successful, just a case of getting the right eggs in the mix, fertilised, and them going all the way.

7 blasts out of 8 eggs is an incredible fertilisation and development rate. Was the only the difference the level of medication given? That's impressive.

Did they give you a percentage of success ?

I feel tho some may disagree but if you have one go left financially then it’s woeth looking into de

Rather then own eggs and success rate lower

Maybe some clinics use different figures but at 14 I would say yours is low