Do you have a life Plan B?

[Blankspace4]

We have been TTC for years and now finally on wait list for IVF Jan 18. It’ll be our only funded cycle. As yet I don’t feel like we’ve been given any proper information and I’m also terribly anxious about the process, hormone effects etc. I’m far from certain about going ahead, but on balance I probably will.

If we don’t, or this fails, I’m trying to envisage a ‘Plan B’, where we don’t have kids. We are 35/36 and I have had surgery which means conceiving naturally won’t happen. Rather than a black hole of despair it helps me to ‘plan’ how I will make the best of Plan B. For me, this means binning suburbia and probably remaining in london so I can really accelerate my career. DH wants a move further into the regions / deeper into suburbia - all that I want if I have a family - but I think it will only emphasis what is missing if we don’t.

Have you got a ‘Plan B’ and does your partner agree, does it cause arguments?

I’m starting to get very worried about the future 😞

Jan 19 IVF wait list, duh

We have talked about it but haven't come up with a plan b yet. I dont really care about my career and thinking of moving to a less stressful job regardless. I guess we would just have to find other ways to make ourselves happy and plan nice holidays and probably get a house full of dogs instead of babies! I've found over the last few years life never goes as planned though!

When I first started with treatments, I thought that if I didn't get anywhere, then maybe I'd do a master's degree.

I'm currently procrastinating from finishing off the final 15,000 word assignment (due in 9 days) of my MA! So, now I'm thinking if my treatment still doesn't go anywhere, maybe a PhD...?

@pumpkin - too right - sometimes I like having a plan though, even if that’s subject to change!! Helps things feel less bleak

@persipan - well done, brilliant decision and best of luck for getting the assignment in (bet you’re sick of the sight of it now but think of the joy when it gets sent off!)

Our plan B is to go travelling for a bit then just enjoy our lives with our nieces and nephews and just live for the fact that our lives are better than many out there and we have our health. DH was really worried about how badly the side effects of the Gonal had hit me the other night, I said it was ok as it was all necessary for what we were trying to achieve, he amazingly said no, not at the cost of my health it wasn't. He wanted 'me'so we could grow old together and do stupid shit.

Oh gosh, that's a hard question... I feel like a failure not having children, I'm the only child and have no fertility problems, we have male factor.. DH wouldn't agree on donor sperm and frankly I don't know if I want it. My plan B would be to start a job in a field that matters.. something to do with making the planet a better place.. or sun vest my money in me, getting art classes, write a book..

I'm currently 15 weeks after our one and only funded round, so it can happen. Before we commenced IVF we discussed the what it's of it not working and our alternative plans where if round 1 didn't work we would self fund a round 2 likely abroad to combine with a holiday and if that didn't work there was to be no round 3 instead we were going to visit family in New Zealand and then concentrate on building a house on some land in my DH family, once the house was complete we were going to travel with 1 long haul holiday, a UK city break and a European city break per year. We'd already long since decided that adoption, surrogacy or other non conventional means of having a family weren't for us as truth be told I'm just not selfless enough for many of these alternatives. Good luck with your IVF.

I'd take a year out to travel the world, then come back and be a foster parent.

I also hate the money aspect of IVF, nhs won't fund us and self funding is hard for us. If not this, I would be living my plan b now, traveling to japan and the US, seeing friends around the world, getting a car.. so it's not really plan b I have in mind, it's just a life a could have had if no expense on private treatment...

We've talked about plan B and we would either look at buying a small holding which is something I have always wanted to do, or we move abroad to Australia.

The common theme here seems to be people agree with their partners on Plan B....my struggle is that we seem to have completely different ideas 😩

I can't think of a plan b as I can't imagine future without children with my partner.I moved to UK because of him and now I can't imagine my life here without children just the 2 of us...not sure what the future will bring but prefer not to think much 😕.