IVF and Employer

[pomlife]

Advice needed, I'm currently in line for a big promotion at work. Very much work in a boys club. Also starting IVF, at the early stages now with testing etc which I've mostly managed to keep under the radar. However appreciate I might not be able to do that once I get deeper in. Do I tell my director or do you think that might scupper my chances for promotion. Worried about how to hide the increasing time I'll need to be out of the office.

No need to say anything, it's your private business & telling people will lead to intrusive question. You'll come up with some way of dealing with appointments as they arise.

Say nothing. It's your personal life. Would any of the guys feel the need to declare any 'potential' personal speedbumps? Without wanting to sound too negative, the ivf journey is different for everyone and it could go on longer than you think. I managed the scans and meds no problem as the clinic was 30 mins from work and they opened at 8am. All went fine until egg collection - the cut off point at my clinic for risk of ovarian hyper stimulation is 20 eggs. And they collected 20 eggs. Sigh...meant we had to go for a 'freeze all', wait a full cycle and then clinic was closed for 2 weeks maintenance over Christmas period. So even though I started the downreg in September 2017 I didn't get to transfer a frozen embryo until end of January 2018. Put everything into the promotion bid - if you get it the extra money will come in handy with all the ivf expenses Best of luck with both opportunities - life is what you make of it.

I mentioned nothing about it to my boss/colleagues. And glad I kept it that way. Booked some annual leave for week of egg collection and ET and made my boss aware I was having some treatment/investigations and would be late on some days etc. My clinic was in central London and close to my workplace though and appointments were early in the morning so I didn't actually have any late starts - often arrived at work early!

Did you guys take any time out coming up to egg collection or in2ww? I can’t think of carrying on normally trying not to think about it! It’s bad enough now!

Don't say anything! Are you going private? If so you can try to get appointments out of work hours, my consultant at Guys and St Thomas used to do evenings and weekends for private patients.

Also, depending on age, it's more than likely your first cycle won't work (although I truly hope it does!) so don't scupper your promotion chances on a maybe.

Good luck!

Yeah I went to a private clinic as well and managed to get appointments that were before work and after work. Also had scans on the weekend. I didn't actually find the appointments that disruptive.

I booked a week and a half off work - from a couple of days before EC. Got lucky that the dates fit my estimation - although it can be difficult to predict when exactly you'll need time off and that stressed me out.

I'm really glad I did take a couple of days off before EC as my abdomen was getting quite uncomfortable! It was also good to have a nice chunk of time off after ET- but don't think that bit as essential - I would have been fine to go back to go to work soon after. It was still nice to have a break though.

Hi @cannonball8726 when you mean time off do you mean holiday?I will have mine in the next months and I can't stop thinking about getting sick and how I am going to deal with work.The worst thing is that I am staying in my current job because IVF as I did I think it was the right time to apply for jobs knowing how stressful is going to be...

I wouldn't say anything if you're fairly confident they'll be unsupportive. You are entitled to go to hospital appointments - I'd say for "gynaecology problem" and if it's a very male environment no one will ask what that is!

You can also get a sick note from gp saying gynae problem if you need more than a week off.

Once you've had the embryo transferred - you are pregnant in the eyes of the law until the OTD so you are covered by maternity rights x

Please don’t say it’s for fertility treatment. Say as PP said - gynae.

I know of someone who was ‘unfairly dismissed’ through ‘pregnancy discrimination’. The whole thing got incredibly messy. She sued them and won but in the meantime made herself unemployable.

Great advice all - thank you