Feel DH isn't really invested !

[Onceoff]

Been TTC since Dec 2015, DH previously said he won't go through IVF as it 'tears couples apart' he has one son from a previous relationship. After 2 years we went to have some investigations done (all the usual pre ivf test etc) unexplained fertility was the result. So the next route was IVF, husband wasn't keen so we both agreed to give it more time. However a year has passed and still no BFP. So we are back at the IVF clinic, unfortunately all our results have expired and we need to re run all the tests. I've done all mine, DH hasn't. I asked him when he is planning on doing them, he answer was sorry I've just been so busy he'll get to it. (In work full time, in a demanding role, with all men and I've managed to juggle 4 appointments into my already tight diary, without many questions being asked) I want to get the next appointment booked in, so I know what the hell is happening !! Why is he dragging his heels help !

@Onceoff Urgh, how annoying. I can imagine how frustrated you must feel!

My DH was a little like this initially and I had a chat with him. To be fair he took himself off and got the tests done after that.

I think (some) guys just don't get the urgency we feel about it, and the crushing disappointment every month which comes with AF.

The thing is he's really supportive when AF comes and I'm crying on the floor. He'll say you need to be kinder to yourself, you need to not get yourself so worked up... I'm like no you just need to go and get you f**cking tests done. In a rage I'll left all the tests over his key board this morning, he works from home (I hope he gets the message!!)

Glad he's supportive. Haha hopefully he does get the message!!

Luckily I only had to say it once to my DH and he sorted it. Good luck!

If he works from home, there really is no excuse!!! I got equally frustrated when my husband dragged his heels with his tests (it took us nearly a YEAR to get them all done!!)

Just a thought, if you are so visibly distraught each month when AF arrives and given his comments about IVF “tearing couples apart” - perhaps one factor is his concern for how you / you both will cope emotionally through the process, especially if unsuccessful?

My advice (and I’m by no means an authority on the matter) would be to just keep the pressure on, until the tests are complete, and then have a good heart to heart on the matter (poss contrary to IVF but I always find wine helps!)

IVF doesn’t necessarily tear couples apart. It didn’t negatively impact our relationship at all. But then my DH really wanted children.

Are you sure yours does? Because it doesn’t sound like it tbh.

You need to make sure that he definitely does want more kids.

It doesn't sound like he wants another child - it sounds like he is pushing all the 'effort' on you.

I don't have experience if IVF personally, but my close friend had problems conceiving and her DH was there for every appointment, pushing along and keeping her spirits up and really up for it.

Actions speak louder than words sometimes so maybe just call him out and see what he says

If he's worried about the impact on your relationship maybe try and encourage him to see the counsellors that the IVF clinics have so he can talk about his concerns plus anything you aren't aware of around this. They are quick at booking people in. It only needs to be one session...

I think infertility and ivf made my husband and I stronger as a couple. We now talk about things I would never have dreamed discussing with anyone at all when we first got married! Eg my fibroid, which he talks about as if it's another member of the family!!