I'm honestly terrified of never having children and my jealousy is getting worse

[marry3456x]

Hi I'm 32.
I like all of you want children so bad.
I have my first gynaecologist apt on Tuesday and no idea what to expect.
I've always suspected endometriosis but been fobbed off for years.
I'm nervous but excited (if that's the word to use) to finally be doing something.
My friend has a son 6 (got pregnant first month) now is banging on about trying again soon..so you can bet your life 9 months time she will have a baby.
I love her but I'm so jealous.
I want a child so much i can't even say.
Just one would be enough..I just want a child.
Does anyone else feel like it's taken over every thought?

Hi Op. I had endo and all sorts of other issues. What worked for me, after years (and years) of trying was to ttc immediately after laprascopic surgery to burn the endo out. It comes back again, so the window is relatively small; we just jumped like rabbits every time (I had 6 or 7 laps for various issues and every time they'd burn more endo off) and eventually it paid off. I only have 1 DC as I had to have a hysterectomy when he was 3. Best of luck to you. This is so hard

Stormcloud can I implore you never to ask that to anyone in real life struggling with infertility ? It's one of the most insensitive, and to many offensive, things people ask.

Adopting a child is a whole different route to parenthood. Being infertile does not mean you possess the skills needed to adopt. You do need special skills because children in the care system will have additional needs due to whatever circumstances have caused them to be in care in the first place.
You don't usually adopt a baby, you adopt a child whose lived experience so far has been far from ideal.
There are many good people out there who are suitable adopters but adoption is not a solution to infertility.
There is an adoption board here, if you read some of the stories you'll see some if the challenges and see why it's not for everyone.
I know from experience in my line of work that many adoptions are very challenging. Many work out too and are rewarding for all but the input needed is enormous and not everyone is suited to it.

OP sorry for derailing a bit.
I've had 2 failed IVF cycles this year so you have my sympathy for how you are feeling. 💐

I’ve been asked the adoption question as well & it’s hard to bite your tongue. I don’t want to adopt the thought of going through that process is terrifying as going through these fertility tests. I want to be pregnant, I want to give birth to my child. You wouldn’t tell a fertile couple don’t have children go & adopt but it’s ok for those with fertility issues to be told that.

I get the jealously thing my 2nd cousin is pregnant with twins, I cried when I found out on Facebook. My df called to tell me the news & I had to tell him to stop talking I didn’t want to hear how happy everybody is. I admitted I’m jealous as hell. He understood, I am happy for my cousin but it makes me sad at the same time. I feel guilty for feeling like this but the ache inside is so hard to explain to someone who doesn’t know how it feels. I have a piece of my life I feel is missing, I’m not just thinking of a baby I’m thinking of their whole life, school, uni afterwards. I have another cousin who is expecting but she had ivf and I don’t feel jealous of her, maybe as I know she understands how I feel now. I guess she also represents hope to me. It is shit feeling like this, I get my test results tomorrow from our first round of tests, I’m praying for hope, just a glimmer it’s still possible. I’m trying desperately for this not to take over every thought but it’s hard

@StormcloudNord what stopped me from ‘just adopting instead’ was researching what’s involved in adoption and speaking to lots of people who have adopted, and discovering that more often than not, it’s very very very challenging indeed. In most cases (from the research I’ve done) you need superhuman energy and resilience far beyond what it takes to bring up a biological child. Some adopters are lucky and they get a child that doesn’t have too many issues... But most end up taking on kids with (sadly) unbelievably challenging behavioural and psychological problems that have all sorts of knock-on effects for everyone involved. That’s fine if you’re cut out for it, but from the sounds of it, it takes a very strong kind of person to be able to manage it. It takes a stronger person than me, that’s for sure... I am pretty sure I am not strong enough to be an adopter and I would just let that child down.

Maybe I'm jumping the gun a bit ..I don't even know what my issues are and I've got myself diagnosed in my head.
Period arrived today (typical ) and my gyno apt is tomorrow..oh well they will have to take me as they find me.
I could never in a million years picture myself looking at a pregnancy test and it saying "pregnant"
The worst thing is my friend says to me ...
"Take my son for the day,you will be pleased your not pregnant "

Maybe I'm jumping the gun a bit ..I don't even know what my issues are and I've got myself diagnosed in my head.
Period arrived today (typical ) and my gyno apt is tomorrow..oh well they will have to take me as they find me.
I could never in a million years picture myself looking at a pregnancy test and it saying "pregnant"
The worst thing is my friend says to me ...
"Take my son for the day,you will be pleased your not pregnant "

Yet this friend ...is trying for another baby.
I deactivated my Facebook last night ..
Before all the back to school pics and Halloween trick or treating pics /polar express train ride.

Yet this friend ...is trying for another baby.
I deactivated my Facebook last night ..
Before all the back to school pics and Halloween trick or treating pics /polar express train ride.

Yet this friend ...is trying for another baby.
I deactivated my Facebook last night ..
Before all the back to school pics and Halloween trick or treating pics /polar express train ride.

@StormcloakNord I understand what you mean but I think most people want to try everything to have their own child first. In the future if we've tried everything we can to have our own and it looks like it won't happen then we will adopt. Having that as an option is quite reassuring because I know whatever happens we'll have a child one day.

Had my first apt.
She was lovely.
She said she thinks I have endometriosis.
She said I can either 1.try contraception route and see if that helps or 2.have a laparoscopy which is only 8 weeks waiting time.
What would you do?

Hello, many people fall pregnant after a lap so I would give it a go.I had one 3 years ago but I didn't start trying after a year of it.I am going to have IVF as age is not on my side but if it doesn't work I will have a second lap.

I would def have a lap too-having recently had my first-I think that’s your best option ttc wise. Good luck-and 8 weeks not too bad

You wouldn’t tell a fertile couple don’t have children go & adopt but it’s ok for those with fertility issues to be told that.

Oh wow, nail on the head there.

Glad to hear your first appointment brought some use and options. I hope that’s helped you feel a little better about your journey. So much of what you have said has resonated with me. You’re absolutely not alone.

I was diagnosed with endometriosis too (btw all my internal ultrasounds never detected it). I would opt for the laparoscopic surgery. Ensure as far as possible it is not just a diagnostic lap because more surgery may be needed.

Apart from having a couple of days off work post this op you also need a follow up appointment a week or so post surgery to discuss the lap op findings. Do not let them talk to you about what they found in the recovery room; it is poor practice. Would be happy to provide some questions to ask re post lap as well.

www.endometriosis-uk.org/ is an excellent website.

@marry3456x ive got my 1st gynae appt 2morro just wondering how do they diagnose endo did u have an ultrasound?

Tried for 7 years and at my lowest point I felt like ending it all (still too painful to go into detail) I couldn't see friends with babies and likewise colleagues who seemed to be constantly getting pregnant. I'll be thinking of you OP and wish you all the best with your investigations. Try to be positive....easier said than done, I know...but hindsight tells me that you need minimum stresses.

Definitely laparoscopy x

@marry3456 Hi love, I read your post and it definitely touched me, I want you to know you're not alone with those feelings, I feel exactly the same! me and my husband have been trying to conceive for 5 years, and we have had all tests and scans etc and everything is normal. We are now in the coming weeks starting our IVF, just awaiting the funding. I totally get what you mean about the jealousy thing, its not that you don't wish them to have a baby, its just SO hard when its so easy for others, they don't understand the pain and grief you feel trying to conceive. One of best friends starting ttc when we did, and she has 3 children now! and my sister, came off the pill for a month and fell pregnant straight away! both times I was in floods of tears behind closed doors to my husband. Life just isn't fair sometimes! I Totally feel you. Stay strong, and you will get through this. X

I feel in the same situation as me and my partner have been not actively trying for 2/3 years but last 6 months using ovulation tests. Had blood tests and ultrasound which showed PCOS and have a lacrosopy booked for 6 weeks to check for endo. I also feel so jealous when everyone around me is announcing pregnancy that I deleted social media and it really has helped.

@StormcloakNord your saying that like we can just pop to the shop and adopt a child
Insensitive hate when people say things like that
There’s nothing at all wrong with wanting your own bio child so don’t just ask people that.

I'm currently on the waiting list to have laparoscopy for suspected endo, I'm in the same boat!
Only been TTC since September, should find out the date for my operation soon to see how bad it is, just hope it doesn't effect any of my fertility, that's the biggest fear.
Sending you all the best, it's the worst feeling!