Can things possibly get any worse?

[Pegs11]

Found out Monday at 8.5 weeks that our baby didn’t make it, just waiting for nature to take its course.

On top of that, we just got a new cat (a rescue cat) on Sunday, lovely little cuddly thing, but today she somehow got out and has gone missing... we’ve been searching for 4 hours, but she is nowhere to be found. Last sighting of her was in some fields a quarter of a mile away.

We have been door knocking and put a few posters up but we are both so exhausted what with dealing with the miscarriage as well, we really can’t cope with this on top! I’ve never felt so shitty in my life as I do right now. My husband is furious with me as it was my idea to get the cat and he had his reservations from the start. So I feel like I’ve lost my baby, and now my cat, and am also trying to deal with a husband who is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Feel like I am stuck in a nightmare here.

Could do with a few kinds words and some encouragement, because this is absolutely horrendous xx

Oh, I am so sorry for your loss :(

in regards to the cat if you have a litter tray that she used you can pop that out buy the house and she will hopefully find her recent to get home ok. This has worked for me in the past.

Sadly we had only just emptied her litter tray when she disappeared so it’s all in the bin. She was last spotted at least a quarter of a mile away anyway, could she even smell that far ?

All we can do is keep putting posters up, keep walking around looking when we’re not too exhausted... my sister has offered to come and do some posters for us this evening in all the surrounding roads.

Meanwhile my husband is pretty much suicidal, and everything I say just seems to make him feel worse, he says I’m being unsupportive but I don’t know what I can give him, because I’m feeling just as shitty as he is. He keeps forgetting I’m on his side, not working against him. Honestly, everything I say is wrong. And that makes me feel even worse.

Trying to get through to the hospital to arrange a d&c because I don’t think I can face going through this miscarriage naturally, but no one ever picks up the fucking phone there. Useless.

Feel really cast adrift here and like we don’t have adequate support at all... we are barely functioning, starving as we’ve got no food in the house, struggling not to rip each other’s throats out, exhausted and so full of guilt/panic that our little cat is lost and scared and we can’t find her. Shittiest day of my life!

Please ring your clinic and have a session with their counsellor. It might help your communication. Is there a friend you could call who would get you food? Takeaway? Just eat and get it delivered??

I'm so sorry you're having such a shit time. It's moments like these when I try to think 'if I survive this, I can survive literally anything.' And you can. We're here when you need an ear!

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please please be kind to yourself, to each other.

Your cat will likely be fine they are resourceful little buggers, mine disappeared for weeks when I moved but he turned back up and now sits every night on my kitchen windowsill knocking to get fed, this is after he's been down the road to my DH grandparents for his milk and biscuits!
Order whichever take away you fancy with whatever starters and sundries you want, what you don't eat today will do as leftovers.
Have a cuddle and a cry with DH and whilst today is a bad day and the days following might also not be the best at some point they will be in the past.
If you've had no joy with the clinic today try again in the morning but at some point they will want to be in touch with you as surely there is an infection risk if you are left indefinitely.
Sorry for your loss you have my sympathy

UPDATE: The cat is safe and sound and back with us!!!

THANK FUCK FOR THAT.

Someone responded to the flyer we’ve been distributing and said the cat was in her garden, so we went and got her. She was shaking and terrified, and ran straight upstairs when we got her home to hide under the bed. But within half an hour, she was readily enjoying strokes and Dreamies, and seems pretty much back to normal now.

Me, on the other hand... not sure I’ll ever be back to normal after the day I’ve just had!

Finally found a phone number for the EPU that let me leave a voicemail, so hopefully they will call me back in the morning and get me booked in for that d&c pronto.

Thank you everyone for your kind comments and reassurance. X

So glad you found your cat (I came on MM tonight to check). At least you can focus on yourself now. Sorry you're going through this. Look after yourself.

I can sympathise absolutely. I lost my dog on Tuesday while out walking with her. She took fright at something , shot off and just disappeared. Found about 3 hours later in someone's garden a mile away. It was like losing a child! So pleased your cat turned up. Btw why does your dh need support? Surely he should be supporting you?

Sometimes he’s not very strong, emotionally. I can depend on him being strong and supportive 90 per cent of the time, but when things get really bad he tends to fall apart. Not what I really need, admittedly, and he could be better at handling things ... but he’s a human being too, I can’t expect him to be perfect all the time.

Your dh is completely allowed to be cut up. Many couples lean on each other, but some individuals find it harder if they're meant to be the 'strong one.' You're both human.

That's why I suggested using your clinic's counselling so that it might open up some communication.

Thank you. I’m afraid we’ve been down the counselling path before, together and individually, and my dh has never got on with it, he’s always hated it and never found it beneficial. There’s no point me even suggesting it to him anymore, I know it won’t get me anywhere. I do wish he would seek support from someone, though, other than me. I’m trying to persuade him to go and visit some friends tonight, to give him a break... but also give me a break! Sometimes I wish I could just focus on my own feelings, not have to deal with his too. Hopefully I will get some space tonight x