IVF and family support

[Guio]

Hello, I wonder how your family has reacted when you told them about IVF. I told my parents once we knew we needed help and I think it has been the worst decision ever.i live far from them, another country, and i thought they were going to be more supportive but no.I feel that I only have my partner in this and it is very sad.is it something to be embarrassed about?since I told my mum she sends me pics of other babies in the family and she mentions that they were younger when they had babies.it makes me feel awful!anyone on a similar situation?x

I’m sorry your parents haven’t been supportive :(
We haven’t told anybody in our family. I want to tell my mum but I feel like a failure and feel like I am letting her down. It’s really stupid as I know she will be nothing but supportive. I am also worried that she would tell others and I don’t want that.
Infertility sucks!

My In-laws have been supportive without getting overly involved. We haven't started yet but probably won't tell them appt times etc. Hopefully just one day we'll be able to announce the success.

Decide why you told them and what you want to get out of it..we're you hoping for more empathy, or advice, or support at appointments. I think we told the people we have so they were aware of the reason for the delay but I don't particularly want their daily support right now. If that's different for you, have you tried having that conversation to say how you're feeling?

Actually I feel that I really don't want to talk about it now as time approaches.i will keep my appointments in secret and we will see about the big ones egg collection and transfer.I just feel that they should stop making these comments when they hurt.I know age is not in my favour as I am 35.I told her once stop sending me pics of my cousins who have had babies recently but she doesn't understand.

I told my mum. Worst mistake. She now talks about it with all her friends. I can tell because she tells me about people I don't know and their fertility journeys!! But from her I found out my cousin had ivf 14 years ago for her son and my cousin was a huge source of support for me.

I did get to the point of being sick of being embarrassed. I wasn't a failure and neither are you.

We didn't tell them about appointments specifically (they live 7000 miles away).

I didn't tell my parents that we were having IVF. Didn't want to worry them or deal with all the questions. But my mum keeps telling me that we should really start trying for a baby - she told me that I'm getting old (I'm 32) and won't be able to have one if I leave it much longer. Haha - we tried for 14 months and have just had ICSI...

We told IL's and BIL's as DH needed their support during it. My mum came to visit us, so we told her as didn't think it was fair to ask IL's to keep it a secret. By that point we had already had 1 failed attempt. Regret telling her as no support and many insensitive comments and questions after that.

My mum also wasn't great when I told her - which hurt a lot. I started trying when I was 30 and she asked "why did I leave it so late"

I don't think she meant to be insensitive - but she had three children without any problems - and had the coil in when she got pregnant with me. When I was trying my sister was also trying and had a couple of miscarriages - she wasn't great with that either and made a comment about "not knowing why it was upsetting, when it would be a heavy period"

She's not malicious and knew she was saying the wrong things so then started avoiding talking about it - which wasn't much better!
Fortunately my second cycle worked as not sure what state our relationship would be in right now if not!!

Counselling helped me come to terms with things and realise no one could say anything that would help and I had to process it myself x

Told my parents and the first thing they commented on was the cost and asked if it was worth it.. then dm mumsplained bbt charting and how that worked for her.. like id never thought about that after 2 years of ttc.. now its only questions about the procedure, no questions of how I'm feeling, am i nervous etc. Dp have offered childcare for our 3yo so not all bad. ILs helpfully told us we had ultra expectations to want a second child so soon (err 2.5 years into ttc) so i regret telling them. My db has been amazing and supportive (and a sounding board for dp ridiculousness). SIL and BIL are pregnant and have been so insensitive with that i can't even begin.. so a very mixed bag.

I think pps are right - decide what you need from your parents and ask for it, don't expect warmth and support, but surround yourself with supportive friends and try to ignore the bullshit!

Sorry you've struggled ttc, it sucks doesn't it. 💐

I’m sorry to hear your DM is being so unsupportive.

I think in your position I would just mention it to her again. I know that is hard when you want her support, but her actions are sadly showing that she isn’t able or doesn’t want to give it.

With regards to the pictures she send I would just ignore. If she hassles you for an answer than a simple response telling her it is too painful for you whilst you are living with infertility is all you need. If she tries to engage you further on the issue then just don’t be drawn into it.

Infertility is not something to ever be ashamed about. It really is treated by many as one of the big taboos though and that was probably one of the hardest things for me to cope with. I personally combatted it by telling every man and his dog, but that’s just me

Good luck op

Just NOT mention it to her again that should say...