Can't test husband's sperm as he won't...

[happyhere1]

Hi there! I am 30, my husband is 37 years old and we have been trying to conceive for the last 2 years with no luck. We already been to our GP and I have done the blood tests which all had good results. When it comes to testing my husband semen, we have a huge problem: he can't masturbate! So we thought okay, we could at least have intercourse at home, take the sperm to the hospital but that didn't work either as he feels under so much pressure. We are both feeling very sad and not sure what are we supposed to do. Should I just go get my tubes checked? What else can I do? What is next? Please help. Thanks!

They can extract sperm surgically. Ask your clinic about it.

There's a popular book of a couple's ivf experiences (called 'get a life') - the husband was so under pressure when he had to produce the sample for the ivf he couldn't do it. I do sympathise. However I really recommend he gets the sperm tested any way he can. It is really common that infertility is due to a male issue so you do need to know (particularly before you carry on doing loads of invasive tests yourself).

Just the pressure of trying for a baby gets quite miserable after a while.

I can imagine the pressure he is under affecting his performance. Definitely don't think it is because he doesn't want it. You said your sex life is fine otherwise. Could you not just take the focus off this collection? Like just tell him you are researching other ways and not worry. Then carry on as normal and gather once done? It seems making an event out of it isn't working. I know you are trying, but maybe just get him to withdraw and finish on you. I know this sounds like such a simplistic solution. But I do think if he is fine every other time, then you need to help get this "performance mode" out of his head. Otherwise the pressure will just become even greater.

@twicethrice i get what ur sayin but u need an appt to hand in his sperm sample and it has to b handed in within an hr of him ejaculating so it has to b pretty regimented sadly.

I think the thing is that it may be a bit 'unethical' for you to have to go through invasive tests if there has been no semen sample.

You could have a vaginal ultrasound so the,ovaries can be seen and have a look at the uterus to rule out any obvious structural problems.

Do you know much about your DH's childhood? is there anything in his medical,history that may suggest infertility problems eg issues with testes when he was young?

Surgical sperm extraction is a last resort and can only be used in vitro and I don’t see any urologist doing that before other means. I think there is a way of forcing erection and ejaculation using electrical stimulation in a clinical setting but again I think that’s for men who cannot achieve erection or have spinal cord injuries.

It’s your DH who has to get over this for you to proceed further. Infertility is roughly 40% female, 40% male and 20% joint/unexplained.

My partner got really stressed out before he had to masturbate for the analysis, really really stressed tbh and nothing I could say would help. He still went ahead and got the job done. When it was time for him to do it on our egg collection (we had ivf) he knew the importance of it and got it done, he also knew how worked up I was about what I had to go through so we both just got on with it.

Different people deal with things differently, just make sure you communicate with each other

I may have read this wrong, but do you only have sex once a month?

hawk that was going to be my question! When we ttc ut was every other day for the whole month that worked. Obvs reduced mobility/fertility wont be surpasssed by this but definetly better than once a month.

Hawkmoth, I wondered that too.

@Hawkmoth No, we have sex plenty of times as any other couple if not more. We just haven't been able to conceive. So the problem is when we have to put a plastic cup next to our bed so we can collect the semen sample to take it to the clinic, he gets super turned off and cant ejeculate which I understand!

Sorry, it just read that way.

I don't know what to suggest.

@Deux He I don't know if it is connected but he has a dairy free and gluten free diet, also hardly eats meat. Not allergic, just bit of a health freak. Do you think it may effected his fertility? Our acupuncturist said he should eat eggs and chicken (for lean protein) so he just started to eat those very recently.

You need to talk to the clinic about using (specifically) non toxic condoms. Most condoms contain spermicide, so will affect the results of semen analyses/sperm separation tests.

There are couples who cannot produce semen samples for religious reasons, but they are able to produce through intercourse.

However, please talk to the clinic first in case there are any procedural amendments that need to be made to accommodate processing it

Good luck!

@Hawkmoth I know right. But thanks! Also it doesn't help that we don't drink much, otherwise could get him drunk and get him to do it which sounds really wrong :)

@ohforfoxache im confused why would they b using condoms?! @happyhere1 i do think the protein thing might help u dnt take offence but does ur oh suffer with anxiety in general? Make the effort to have a drink with him and then do it that could b exactly what he needs who knows lol

I'm with the previous poster. Ask for spermicide free condoms from the unit you are attending.
I think you have to store the sample just below body temperature until it's at the lab.
I used my knees! I remember that journey well.

Aaaahh i get it thats a great idea?!

Soya has been suggested to affect fertility in men, so on a dairy free diet he might consume more soya than most men.

@thisis

I know, infertility and condom use aren’t exactly things you would think go together!

@forfoxache i know i was like where r u going with this lol great idea tho

The condom idea is a great one. He can't be the first man to have this issue. Speak to your clinic about condoms and see what they say.