Ttc, felt personally attacked by Consultant

[Sashadublin]

I wanted to discuss this somewhere as we're not telling our friends that we're TTC. We've been trying for a few months and thought we'd be on top things and go for a quick fertility test and discussion with a consultant. I wont say where. In a nutshell the tests, luckily, are broadly all positive. But I was devastated after speaking to the consultant. He was incredibly rude and brusque. Every question was directed at me- was I eating enough, was I working out too much, running marathons, being "overly controlling", smoking. My husband could have smoked 20/day and drank 8 pints/day (he doesn't). I should say I'm a size 6/8, have never dieted and cycling to work is my only form of exercise. He saw a petite girl and completely made assumptions. He then went on to say maybe I had chlamydia. Maybe I had infected my husband. At this stage I felt completely attacked. I explained we both would ve got tested for STIs at the start of our relationship. Neither of us ever had any type of infection. He shrugged his shoulders and said maybe Id picked it up since. Clearly implying I'd cheated on my husband???? Effectively the underlying tone of the whole consultation was the reason we haven't conceived yet was all my fault. Not one question about my husbands health. We were both stunned during the consultation but I was hysterical after. So so upsetting and mysogonistic. Ugh rant over but I really couldn't believe it. Hope no one else gets a horrible consultant like that. 😪

Urgh sorry you went through that. Sounds highly unpleasant. I would consider making a complaint. Do you have follow-up planned with test results? I would switch clinics/consultants.

Thank you! We're defo switching clinics, going to try Holles St as I've heard it's good, so hopefully all goes well 😉🙌🏼🙏

I would make a formal complaint. That behaviour sounds incredibly unprofessional. I am assuming this was a private clinic - contact them and ask for a copy of their complaints procedure as a starting point.

He sounds like a dick so go elsewhere

But calm down on the help at the moment, youve only been ttc a few months and it does sound controlling to seek out medical help so soon.

I’m sorry he was rude to you.

But honestly you do not need IVF after only a few months. It can take a normal, healthy couple up to a year to conceive. If the tests are normal then please just go home, have lots of sex and try to forget about TTC and tests for a while.

And I say this as someone whose first DC took 6 years to conceive and who is now suffering secondary unexplained infertility. We’ve been TTC for 15 months, don’t let it take over your life. You are in no way abnormal yet as far as TTC goes.

Sorry, just to clarify we've been ttc for 10 months, no way near considering IVF, literally just establishing that everything is alright and exploring options/first steps such as supplements etc. Going to leave it a few months before going elsewhere. Hopefully we won't need to. Was more venting about the breath-taking arrogance /"blaming the woman" attitude. Thanks for the advice ladies 😉

For us getting tested earlier privately actually helped - although I appreciate it isn't right for everyone and can majorly feed anxiety and is also not cheap. We had a fertility MOT after seven months of TTC. Identified husband's poor sperm parameters. The consultant said that it was probably unlikely that we would conceive naturally - but husband could have a go at making the necessary lifestyle changes, start Proxeed etc and see if it made a difference. He has made great lifestyle improvements (i don't think he would have otherwise). We went back to the clinic after around four or five months later, having no further luck in conceiving. It meant that by then, we were mentally prepared for IVF and got the ball rolling with another private clinic after a nice holiday.

But this is hopefully all irrelevant and I hope that you conceive naturally soon!

What a wanker.

I’ve had friends have a good experience at the Coombe

OP make sure u make a formal complaint he shouldnt get away with treating ppl that way he should be re trained ttc is a team effort we dnt live in the dark ages cheeky bastard..idve tore him up for tp!

I cannot think of anything worse, especially considering how sensitive the subject is. Don't give up, they aren't all like him!

How rude!

That person sounds rude. That said, the questions they ask are a bit rude and invasive - DH and I were asked if we knew how to have sex!

@hotcrossapple bizzare what did yous say lol i thought our gp was strange enough to remind us that we shouldnt b using condoms i burst out laughin in her face!

Something like that too! Infertility can be an undignified business - I do think your consultant was weird and you should find someone else though. It’s bad enough as it is, you need total professionalism from the medical staff. Good luck and I hope you have luck soon. Took us 2 years for our first dc and it was a horrible time.

Getting tested early on certainly helped me. I had a gut feeling something was wrong along with a few symptoms. After private fertility testing the results came back and were bad. This resulted in going straight into ivf and now I'm pregnant just in the nick of time (low reserve) so even though he was rude. The fact that you are both ok is the main thing. You can relax a bit now.

"He shrugged his shoulders and said maybe Id picked it up since."

Picked it up? What like the flu or athlete's foot? What a jerk. Very unprofessional and judgy.

Sorry to hear that. I wonder have we met the same consultant? I had a similar experience, right down to the chalmidya comment.

I voted with my feet and went on to have a successful IUI at the Merrion Fertility Clinic. Best decision ever, but I still feel angry that I didn't complain.

Good luck.

I’m a doctor and although I don’t work in infertility I’m in addiction medicine so understand how important it is to approach sensitive topics sensitively. In my opinion that consultant is a first class douchecanoe and I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I hope you have a positive experience with your new consultant.

Oh and OP and @Yadda - I would complain! Our profession needs to be held accountable. When I was training I had situations where I didn’t handle something as well as I could have, the patients called me out on it and yes it was awkward and painful but I’m a better doctor now because they refused to let me slide.

@BGDino Thanks for that. It was grim. I've always practiced safe sex and my partner says he has but we both had STI screens when we got together and I've no reason to suspect my DH would have been unfaithful. Despite this Dr just stopped short of accusing us of lying and used the same line 'maybe you picked it up somewhere'. Bastard.

But it was 6 years ago, so I think my time for a complaint has passed. Also, he wasn't a new doctor he was one of their senior people, which makes it worse really.