My life while TTC: up-down-up-down

[BoRoni]

I don't even know why I'm writing this post ..not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here but maybe letting it out help to stand up...dust it off and do it again.. My journey has been long.. this was our 17 cycles and not once I have seen a faint line on the tests. After a year it became evident that my age is a factor and since than I'm piling up on the various supplements -to increase the quality of my eggs- hoping for a miracle to happen. (Volume wise all those tables can make up my entire breakfast every day).The fertility clinic gave me less than 10 % chance to conceive naturally and since we are not prepared to go further it remains our only chance. I could just scream in agony ...why on earth I can not make my body to function as normal..?? My self-worth is rapidly vanishing with each month and I find it more difficult to accept that my period is there no matter what I do exactly 11 days after ovulation. And I know I have ovulated based on bbt. I was so hopeful this morning my temp got soo high even higher than anytime during my LP and I thought that this is a really good sign ..right?? NO Af arrived 30 min later..I mean wtf?? I can not even describe how deeply sad I am and what's worse is that I kind of hate myself..my pre ttc self have been lost and I miss her..

Hi @BoRoni

Sorry to read you're struggling so much. The whole thing is completely rubbish and unfair and a lot to get your head round - have you considered counselling? I found it helpful....

On a side note may I ask why you're so certain on not taking it further - for me the biggest psychological boost I had was knowing I was doing absolutely everything possible to become a Mum. And if it didn't work out at least I would have no regrets. After our first cycle of ivf failed we were told a 10% chance of success per ivf cycle - it was heartbreaking. However I am now 11/40 pregnant so sometimes you can be in that percent.

Good luck

Hello Hoping 2018, I remember you from previous posts! Im so happy for you Congratulations on your pregnancy!

We are not talking the issue further for two reasons my fsh level is so high (64)!that I would not be accepted to do ivf, and secondly we are not qualified for nhs treatment. So that is that.

The only hope I have that it will happen naturally..believe me I do everything in my power to get my body to ovulate every month and get the quality as good as possible. This includes strict dietery changes, daily min 30 excersize, no coffeeine, no sugar, no alcohol, acupuncture, yoga, fertility massage and millions of supplements. I feel there is nothing else I can do can I??? So fed up with this shit!😢

Hi @BoRoni

I'm sorry to hear your FSH is so high. You do occasionally hear of people conceiving peri-menopause but the chances are slim.

I really would recommend counselling to help you process how you feel about yourself. Would you and your partner consider other options? It's not for everyone but for me I would have explored donor conception. and adoption if needed as I do believe it's the looking After a child that makes you love them.

I hope you can become content with where you are soon zzz

Hello I couldn't read and run.This is my 20 cycle and although I am not that young 35 I always thought that I could conceive easily but that is not the reality.i have low amh and endo which was found out 2 years ago so my next step is IVF with the NHS.I still have hopes that can happen naturally but I think there is something wrong in my body...life is so unfair.

I agree life is not fair! But I don't give up ...simply can not give up...Im stuck in these cycles forever well as long as I have them...

What supplements are you taking? It could be that you may be taking one that's not great for ur situation.

Its a shitty place to be in.

Hello AniSL,

The list is growing by the months passing by..
But they def have a good impact since taking them I do ovulate every month so far, -and the cycles do not vary too much in lenght-which was not the case before. Also fertility acupuncture might have a beneficial effect I do that since April.
So the supplements:
Ubiquinol 800mg
DHEA ( only started last cycle 2x25mg)
Macca
Vitamin c
Vitamin b complex
Vitamin E
Omega3-6-9
Folic acid
Wheatgrass
L-arginine
Fertile CM
Royal Jelly
I also used epo in the past but it did not helped with cm.

So this is it..any advice are welcome..

Good night ladies

BoRoni that's quite a list but then I guess anyone on this.forum will also have quite a list too. I am on 200mg Ubiquinol but considering upping it to 400mg, L-Arginine 1000mg, melatonin .3mls, Inositol 1500mg and Glutathione 5mls. I do have Macca if I remember to add it. I have been advised against DHEA due to PCOS.
Other things include high vegetable protein diet, full fat yoghurt daily, never go for semi skimmed or reduced fat dairy as it wreaks havoc with horrmones.
Its a tough journey but fingers crossed you will get there.