How do I deal with this?

[sobeyondthehills]

We are moving in a few months, so have started packing up, we have been trying for about 5 years now and have had no luck, after my son was born, I saved his clothes and a few of the bigger toys.

We are probably going to be going into a smaller house (renting) so we have decided to get rid of everything, I am selling the clothes, but I am just so emotional getting rid of them, it seems to be a line in the sand that its never going to happen, when I was packing them up yesterday I was in tears, I know I have to do this as there is no way we can take them with us on the off chance that it might happen after all this time, but I can't seem to let go.

Sorry if this is a bit mismatched I just wanted to try and clear my head

Don't think of it as a line in the sand, if you have another DC you would likely enjoy choosing new clothes, the selling of the clothes doesn't make it any less likely to happen

I get that, I think I am just angry in general at the whole situation, life has panned out the way I wanted it to and this just seems like the finality

It’s rubbish isn’t it... We are currently having a FET trying for no 1. Have a whole room full of baby stuff which was given to us by my sister in law. It’s just been sitting there for several years now gathering dust. If things don’t work out then eventually we will have to make that decision too.

We're packing to move soonish and I am horribly aware of a few big bags of baby stuff under the bed. Full of lovely things given to us by friends with kids, or things we bought when we were young and foolish, before the 6 year slog we've been on started (still trying for no. 1 too). Meh. We're about to do a FET but part of me wants to put the lot in a big laundry bag so I can't see any of it when we give up and take the bag to a charity shop in the next town.

Its horrible, I think I have cried it out, but I am still horribly aware of it all

Do you have to get rid of them? I kept my DCs' nicest baby clothes in vacuum bags. I have moved house 3 times since I packed those clothes up and the DC are now 16 and 14 and I am pregnant again. I can't wait to put our new baby in some of those lovely things.

Good luck with the house move and with TTC. I really hope it happens for you.

It’s hard. It’s ok to feel sad and mad and tearful.

Have you actually made the decision to stop trying for DC2 and “reached the end” (for you) with respect to any investigations, treatment etc?

If not, suggest keeping the stuff.

Ha e you had a day 21 progesterone test with your GP?

Agree with keeping a suitcase of the best

We have decided to stop trying in a sense, we won't be using anything, so if it happens it happens but we are not actively trying anymore if that makes sense.

I have kept a few things, but its not practical to keep everything I have saved, it filled a small room

I really feel for you OP, I've had a similar couple of days...

Kept all my daughter's baby clothes, we even moved to a bigger house as we thought we'd need more space for a no.2... Three years and four failed IVF cycles later I'm now trying to come to terms with the fact that it will probably never happen (I'm now nearly 39) so have just been washing and packing up all DDs baby clothes to give to a pregnant friend. It's been heart-wrenching to be honest but keep telling myself it had to be done. I know what you mean about it being a line in the sand, but perhaps it will help us move on from the waiting and hoping...

Like other posters have suggested, I'm just keeping a small selection of her things that have really strong memories for me.

It's so unfair how life turns out sometimes, all my sympathy and best wishes

I think that is good advice once, I am similar to you have baby clothes and everything else from daughter we tried five years for and really foolish purchase of maternity top from first ivf round loft from ever since, loft is full even kept baby bath. Have toyed with seeing if local women’s centre needs is as that would be positive. Maybe donate toys to hospital? It is very hard OP and like another contributor said it’s ok to feel sad and angry 💐

Also Once I am also 38 and after recent failed fet not sure I can face another fresh round, looked up odds and is 15% not great chances for the pain of another round. DD is almost 3 and August baby so have just registered her for school September 2019, random people ask me about every two days whether we will have another, they mean well but if only they knew!!

We made a decision after 5 years of trying with number 2 to stop trying, and got rid of all our baby stuff, amazingly 6 months later I was pregnant.

Maybe getting rid of everything takes that pressure away. Wishing you all the best xx

As a PP said, it is not a line in the sand. If you do have an unexpected bit of luck, you can enjoy buying new stuff and/or the people who you have gifted baby stuff to will be thrilled to help you out in return (you might even get some of the originals back). If you do not get lucky, you will at least enjoy less psychological pressure, more clear space and simpler housekeeping, freeing up time and headspace to enjoy other things in life. It's a win-win. I was in this situation and I chose to gift all my stuff to other people.

Thank you for all your kind words, I have been busy trying to pack things up.

I have kept a few bits, packed up a few bits for the local womens refugee and have shoved everything else on ebay/facebook for sale, but I doubt they are going to sell, so will have to do a carboot I think, the local charities round here and the refugee have very little spare room and I have a whole room filled with things

At least get yourself a day 21 progesterone test. It’s only a blood test and your GP surgery can do it. If levels are low you will just need some tablets at the start of your cycle. Very straight forward and helpful with a huge amount of fertility issues