Ways to cope

[Ivfunicorn]

I’m waiting for my first ivf cycle for unexplained infertility. I have no one close who has been through this and everyone I know seems to get pregnant with no issue, or feels unable to discuss their problems with me.

I’m finding this overwhelming though, to the point where I worry that I just can’t cope with it at times. I only have one NHS cycle where I live and it feels like such a conveyor belt. I’ve been told I’m going on a short protocol but when I ask why, all I get told is that’s it’s best for me. I think because I don’t seem to have any control over what’s happening it’s making me feel worse. I feel very isolated. I also feel angry and upset with myself as I really struggle to handle other people’s news and I’ve lost a couple of friends through this. I’m open about my need for ivf with all my friends as I thought being open would help me find people who’d been in similar situations. I’ve been told so many times, relax, stop stressing and it’ll happen and 3 times now by people who conceived on their first month. Why would you say that?! It makes me feel like I’ve failed, even though I know this is illogical/untrue.

So I guess my question is, how do you guys manage the stress of treatment? What have you found helpful and what gives you the strength for the treatment?

It actually feels much less stressful when you are in treatment than in the run up, IMO. When you start, you at least feel like you are doing something and that there is some movement rather than just more of the same hope and disappointment. Also you are quite consumed with the whole process anyway.

Please just try and take one day at a time, rest lots, sunbathe lots (if it's still hot) as vitamin D is very good for you, eat nice food, watch box sets, cuddle your partner, cry if you need to, seek support on MN and other sites. Remember that sometimes it takes a couple of times to work and that if this doesn't then it isn't the end of the world, there are other options...

You WILL get through it and it won't feel as stressful as you imagine...

All the very best.

Short protocol is preferred for pcos, older women, women with lots of follicles, and those with few follicles / low ovarian reserve. You should arrange another meeting with your consultant if you aren’t sure as they need to explain your protocol to you, as it should be highly individualized.

In terms of stress management I find walking helps. I also talk things through with my dh but if you can’t then all UK IVF clinics offer counselling support - just call them and they can often sort things out for you.

It is truly rubbish.

I eventually concluded no one has anything helpful to say at all! My mum said "I told you, you left it too late" (I was 30 when I started TTC. My best friend who'd just had a miscarriage so I thought would understand told me to get a cat, another friend who took 10 months to conceive told me just to relax and get drunk and my sister kept comparing my situation to hers as she had trouble conceiving the second but did already have one which she conceived on contraception!! The ultimate conclusion was that although they were trying to be helpful no one was!

I went for free counselling which the nhs has to offer and that helped a bit. I also upped my exercising and started to think about other options and what was most important to me which made me feel better. I also lined up lots of exciting stuff for the end of a cycle in case it failed.

Finally for me what was really important was feeling I was doing everything possible to get pregnant so I'd have no regrets - so after the nhs cycle failed we signed up to the refund programme with access fertility. I count myself incredibly lucky and I am so very grateful to be 8 weeks pregnant currently. (Fingers crossed)

It is awful - but you'll find a way through and will be a Mum one day if you want to be it just may not take the route you expected.

Best of luck x