Can feel Af. Upset and down .

[herewegoagain18]

Hi all

Have been ttc since early 2014. had one chemical preg in 2014 no pregnancys since. Diagnosed with unexplained infertility and refferd for ivf last year ,eligible for one funded cycle . We had it earlier this year which failed. Awaiting follow up apt. Oh says he does not want to do any further cycles or fertility treatment. So having to hope that it will happen naturally somehow.

Can feel AF on her way. In pain upset and just feel so fed up . I just feel like giving up on the idea of children tbh. I dont mean to cause offense to anyone saying that as i do appriciate others have struggled and been through a lot more.

I just feel so dispondant with each passing month.

Also suffer with Endo (though doctors say not the cause of my infertilty). Cycles have become inceasingly shorter so only having around 2 and half weeks between actual periods.

Suffering with endo/pms symptoms badly and its getting worse each month. just fed up with the ongoing slog of it. Told "dont think about it and it will happen " its hard not to think about it with the pain and shit symptoms as a reminder and slap in the face every 25 days. had enough.

Do have one family member im close to who i would normally have moan too and them me. They have just had 2nd ivf cycle (1st failed) and in 2ww so i dont want to put that on them .

Sorry for self pitying post but just need to vent somewhere. Thanks if you have read this far.

XX

I'm sorry you've been through all that. It's not fair and it sounds tough. Would they do a lap to try and remove any of the endo?

Hello,that is the reason why this group is here to support each other.It is awful what we need to deal with.i have told a few people but i don't think they understand how we feel and they say relax it will happen!i have not had IVF yet but I will start in a few months as I have endo and low ovarian reserve.dr said that endo didn't affect my fertility as well but I don't believe it...I know IVF is hard but probably we will need to try more than once but of course I understand that you want to try naturally for a while 😊 .

Hi physicskate

Thankyou for your reply xx

I do try and stay positive and keep my chin up . I know it could be worse.
Im just getting exhausted with it all.

I did have a lap to remove Endo in 2013 and a further surgery early 2014. We did actually decide to ttc and see how we went (not try but not prevent) early 2012. We had to then stop while i had investigations and surgerys .

I was told the endo at time of lap was a small amount and wouldnt affect ferility. Since then i still have the pain and symptoms. The doctors dont want to go back in as this could impair my fertility further by causing more scarring.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. Feeling more isolated as the months go on. My friends and family that are supportive and dont just offer unhepful advice/platitudes are running out of things to say really. I dont want to feel like im boring them to death with the same self pitying crap every month.

Thanks again xxc

Hi Guio
Thanks for your reply

Sorry your find yourself in this boat and to hear of your struggles.

I must admit i also find it a bit hard to believe the endo is not the cause of the infertlity . I think its too much of a concidence. But thats my opinion.

You are right people dont understand how it feels. Espically going through the process of ivf.

I found it pretty gruelling though while going through it think i handled it well. It hit me harder than I expected when it failed.

As hard as i found the process, i really wanted to have that hope that once we felt ready and in the position too, we could do it again at some point . But my husband does not want to do it again. Or any form or fertlity treatment. He just wants to leave it all to nature.

So im left with the option of trying again naturally and feeling hopeless and its futile if im honest as what will we do diffrently now that we didnt do before needing assistance?

I dont want to just leave it to chance and hope for a miracle but i dont have any other choice. Or i can just give up completly on ttc.

Good luck with your Ivf and i hope it works out for you.
XxX

Can I ask you how old you are?I am 35 so time is not on my side unfortunately...I am very exciting about IVF and have this chance however when the time comes I am sure I will be very anxious about it.dr suggested to have another lap if the first one fail or before but I really don't want to have that again apart from the IVF to be honest.anyway I think that we should enjoy life but it is hard specially when you go out and there are plenty of families...I am sure your husband will change his mind eventually and maybe he just needs a break 😉.

Have you sat down and really talked through why he doesn't want to? We're going through our NHS cycle now and DH had originally said that this is it- he didn't want to do any more if this doesn't work.

Having talked through it some more, he was really concerned that we would just get ourselves tens of thousands of pounds in debt. After I've shown him some costings of going abroad he's been much more open to either trying that route if NHS cycle fails, or for a sibling.

Hi

I Did write a longer reply which i lost.

My husband is pretty adament in his descision. I was shocked when he agreed to the ivf as he was very much against ivf and any assited conception. His motto was if its meant to happen it will.

Then we went on to nearly 2 years after that with no luck and got a refferal for fertility treatment. He didnt think it was guranteed to work the ivf but felt positive about it and i think thought it was a good oppurtnity.

He dosnt want to do another round as says its putting my body and himself through too much and too just let my body settle down naturally. I think he just has this belief it will happen without intervention.

I have considered egg sharing for funding towards another round (although of course i would also do it to help another couple out) . If he feels its too much to go through then this wont change regardless of how we fund it.

Im 32 so not over the hill but its starting to get closer for me to be limited with my options . Also i have a concern of early menopause as it runs on my maternal side of the family. When i mention this its all dismissed though and im told i will be fine.

Thanks again both for your replys.

Xx

That sounds so tough and I'm sorry you're going through it. Have you had a discussion asking him about how he sees your life with no kids and explained that this is the most probable future?

Realistically your options are:

• Keep trying naturally in the hope it may happen, until you hit mid 40s (heart breaking)
• Leave him and go it alone (also heartbreaking but you will find women on here doing just that)
• Absolutely stop trying and come to terms yourself with not ever having children (through counselling?)

You are in such a difficult place and it's so terribly sad that there doesn't seem an outcome that YOU will be happy with. I can only hope that more open and honest conversations with your DP combined with some counselling might see you through.

Hi i just read your post and wanted to give a bit of moral support. I also have endo although in the form of 'chocolate cysts'. On my second month of clomid as I've also been told my endo shouldn't affect fertility however I was borderline ovulating. I've started my period today. However I do have a healthy five year old girl who was conceived after approximately five years of trying. She was conceived naturally with my cysts there and no treatment so I wanted to tell you not to give up although I know it's very hard to stay positive. I have no explanation for how I conceived her other than I'd put it out of my mind and gave up hope it would happen then it just did!

HI IcanMooCanYou

We havent had a sit down discussion about it, no ,only in passing conversation if we dont end up having children we could do this or this kind of way.

Unfortunatly my husband is not a sit down and chat person. He would rather just get on with things. How we survived the cycle of ivf i will never know.

My options are the first and last one. I cant even consider the second one as i would be giving up my relationship and someone who i love and have been with all my adult life to have a child..i dont want to get further down the road and find it wasnt worth the sacrifice or what i thought it would be.

It would most probably be the last one as then i could manage my endo and try and live my life. He is not against adoption but we are sadly just not in the correct position with our accomadation and wont be able to right that for some time. I think he thinks (hopes) it wont come to that.

Im getting counselling as part of the treatment which is some small help but the sessions are long periods between.

My husband dosent even want to come with me to the follow up appointment as he just wants to move on and leave the ivf behind him. Hes truly over it all he says.

Thanks for the support it means a lot
Xxx

This is probably going to be rude, I apologise in advance.

So he gets his way, and you both waste your few more precious fertile years because he's 'not a sit down and chat person'? He's in a bubble of denial, and his lack of communication skills shouldn't stop you from continuing to try. I don't get why his way is the only way?
Maybe you're not a sit down and chat person either but you're getting on with another cycle! If he won't communicate about it then just get the ball rolling. Put his sperm appointment in the calendar and carry on.

Big hugs OP, basically it is just totally shit. A big fat shit situation. I completely get it. Month after month , year after year, I'm totally gutted when AF arrives. It doesn't get easier, I wish it did. It gets harder, because every month feels like another fail and the whole process of waiting for ovulation, then waiting for AF (praying it doesn't arrive , trying to convince yourself that the period pain might be implantation pain) is emotionally exhausting. I totally understand. I'm wearing that t-shirt too!

Alls I can say to you is that it is totally and utterly shit. And although you feel alone, you are not, there are plenty of us on here who understand, so when you're feeling low come on here and off load. It's therapeutic! Xx