How do you tell people about Donor egg pregnancy?

[Sweetsdo]

I'm absolutely thrilled to say that I'm finally pregnant after many years of TTC.
I gave my eggs 4 rounds of ivf but all bfn so we moved to do it eggs and I got a BFP straight away!!

Anyway, I took a lot of soul searching to reach my decision to go with DE and to be honest I still feel a little insecure about it.

I want to tell close family & friends only and obviously will tell the child from an early age. However I'm struggling to know how to actually say it.

Don't get me wrong I know my family will be over the moon regardless of the eggs, I just need some advice on how to talk about it and to try and get over the insecure feelings I'm having.

** moved to donor eggs

I would just be honest as you have done here. Tell them how happy you are to finally be pregnant as this was not an easy journey. Tell them the reasons why DE was recommended to you and what made you finally able to accept them.

But... before you talk to anyone about this you need to feel 100% right about it.

I have a couple of friends who have been down your road, I think they are both pretty open about it. I did find myself saying to one of them, "they look just like you" 😣 in my defense dc copy mannerisms of parents really well. I wonder if like any type of assisted conception it seems a big deal at the start but becomes less important with time.

To be honest, I just wouldn't tell them... I'd just say I'm pregnant, and would regard it as my own private business whose egg was involved. To be fair I'm not very close with my family though

The problem with not telling them is that is is encouraged to tell your DC, you don't really want the rest of your family finding out from something that your DC have said to them off the cuff and encouraging DC to keep family secrets particularly about themselves can be quite damaging.
However you might want to think about a little more counselling for yourself first so that you are as comfortable in your own mind as you can be before sharing the news.

Congratulations!

I would focus now on the happy news of telling people you are pregnant. Give yourself time to share your journey as you have been through a lot

Congratulations!

Have you joined the Donor Conception Network? I know they have materials related to talking about donor conception, and their members will also have first-hand experience which might be really helpful to you as you navigate this. They will also understand the feelings of insecurity - which are super-normal for both people who have had fertility treatment and those who've used donor gametes. I think generally people say that those feelings massively dissipate once you have an actual child taking up your attention - at the moment it's still lots of what-ifs and it's easy to over-think things.

Is there any friend or family member you find particularly sympathetic and understanding? You might find that starting with one person as a trial run helps you to work out the practicalities of talking about this.

And, as has already been said, don't forget you can make use of counselling - and they'll be just as happy to help think about how to tell as anything else.

Best of luck!

Thank you for the advice.

I am an over thinking by nature anyway so this is occupying my thoughts at the moment. To be honest the whole TTC journey and so so so many failures had really knocked my confidence along the years so I do feel a little insecure that I wasn't able to do the whole journey myself without lots of intervention.

I definitely want to tell my family, it's not even I question to keep something so huge a secret. My dad was adopted (which I know is a different situation) but he didn't find out until he was 50 so I know how disruptive it can be to a family if things like that are kept secret.

I guess I need to work on my insecurities and I'm just praying it won't even be an issue when this miracle is born.

Hi sweetsdo,
I've just read your thread.
I have a similar backstory to you, failed ivfs with my eggs and got pregnant on second round of de ivf. My gorgeous little miracle baby is now 10 months old and she is amazing. As she is getting older people sometimes comment on how she looks like me. It always feels a bit funny- it used to feel odd but now I think it's because she's a proper little mimic and she's copying a lot of my facial expressions so, yes, she does look like me!!
I totally understand your quandary about sharing the details about your pregnancy tho.
For us, Both sets of grandparents know about her being through de and a few friends but that's all.
I just don't think it's any body else's business.
My concern is about telling the baby. I just don't know how or when we will go about it.
Anyway, I would be happy to chat more with you about the journey if you like - I've just no idea how to personal message on here.

I’ve been very open from the start with family, friends and work colleagues. I’ve found that people genuinely are so thrilled that you’ve finally become pregnant that they have no cares that you haven’t used your own egg. I’ve also found that if you are open with people they tend to feel that they can be open with you and then find out that people who you had no idea about are having their own fertility issues and you become a great support for one another. Congratulations x