1st Failed IVF cycle

[Stace2018]

Hi ladies,

Today i have just found out our first IVF/ICSI cycle failed and I'm feeling really down.

I am 30 and my DH is 31 whom has a low sperm count. I tested at both days 5 and 8 past transfer using the blue dye clear blue tests and got negatives (one was a faint positive but I could have been imagining it!). I tested again today, our OTD using a digital clear blue and got 'not pregnant' which was quiet destroying for me and I spent the morning crying my eyes out! Lol

I haven't told anyone in my family but have told 2 friends who haven't really been very helpful or caring so feel quiet lonely with nobody to talk to or explain how I'm feeling. I want to tell my mum but she can't keep a secret to save her life and I'm sure it will get out to all the family in no time!

Just wanting someone to talk to really..

X

I'm so sorry. I'm anticipating being you in two weeks. Ec is tomorrow for me. I can completely understand the devastation (can't we all if we've suffered infertility?). Be kind to yourself.

Thanks for the reply Kate, I'm trying my best to keep occupied but it seems as though it's the only thing on my mind, can't get away from it :-(

Wishing you the best of luck with your cycle, I hope you have better luck than me :-)

If you have more embryos that’s not a failed cycle though. It’s just a failed ET. You can try again next cycle with another embryo.

Oh I’m sorry to hear this. It is shit, really shit and there’s nothing anyone can do or say to make you feel any better.

Be kind to yourself. It’s normal for it to be the only thing on your mind at the moment, but it’s totally rubbish and you’re completely entitled to feel upset and sorry for yourself. Come and vent on here if it helps- people on here do get it.

Thanks Earl Grey, I appreciate your response.

Yeah I totally understand that there isn't anything anyone can say or do but I just don't have anyone to talk to so needed to vent in some way.

After this weeks on end of meds, being prodded and poked, having mild OHSS.. it's difficult to just let go and move onto the next month! It's taken its toll physically and mentally and such a cruel thing we have to go through. Trying to keep positive!

It is really shit stace i’ve Had 2 failed fresh cycles (none to freeze on either) after each one I said I could never go through it again. However i’m Just gearing myself up for my thirs (and final) attempt. I’m older than you so this really is it for us.
As others have said give yourself and your partner time to grieve (as no matter what anyone says it is a loss) and then think about your next steps. It took me a year after my 1st cycle to be ready to go again, this time it’s a few months.
Take care

Hello very sorry to hear of your ivf failure it is awful isn’t it, we had a failed fresh round and were able to freeze one and are trying again with that. I was really upset and found it hard not to see it as a personal failure. Now I have come to see it more like gardening for myself, some seeds grow and some do not and it’s not my fault. I garden a lot and realise that might sound like nonsense otherwise but mention it just in case it helps as it did me. The main thing I wanted to say is I am not able to tell my mum for the same reason, it’s difficult and I feel a bit jealous of people who seem to have wider family with them at the clinic but am sure it is the right thing to do as would be awful having everyone discussing it and I know she can’t help herself!! We try not to tell anyone which I am grateful for in the long run especially when it fails and I don’t need to explain it to others but it is lonely and I think that is why I get a lot of support from this forum knowing I am not alone. Be really kind to yourself and look after each other maybe have a nice treat or rest if possible, I know it’s not much but better than nothing sending best wishes

So sorry you haven't had success this cycle - do give yourself time to grieve I have had two failed ivfs and it's pants (MN politeness ). I didn't tell anyone in RL either please keep posting here I found these forums brilliant when we were going through the ivf cycles.

OP I’ve been there and it hurts. Hits you like a tonne of bricks. I’m not sure that anyone can offer magic advice which will take the pain away immediately but you know that already. For me, I know now that it was a bereavement and I experienced all the classic ‘stages’ associated with a big loss. Such a cliche but time will accommodate this until you establish your next steps.

Just don’t do what I did and put on a brave face if you’re not feeling so. Avoid any catalysts for pain, be it unhelpful friends or family, kids etc.

I am so sorry it didn’t go your way.

Thanks so much ladies, I don't think you realise how much I appreciate these responses! :-)

Reborn- Yes we do have 2 other embryos frozen which I guess is the good side, we do have 2 other tries which we would ideally like to get started with as soon as. Is there much difference with a fresh and frozen cycle? Not sure if I can manage what my body went through recently..

CountryCob- I love the gardening analogy, made a lot of sense to me as I do like to plant myself! It really is down to luck but it's hard not think where and what I did wrong. I feel your pain with the Mum issue, I really wanted to call her and have a cry etc but just know in the long run it wouldn't help. It's difficult if nobody knows what your going through and a lot more so when 2 of my brothers have just had babies last month and I'm constantly being asked when I'm going to have one! If people only knew!

MommyBear- thank you for understanding :-)

Tips- Yes I 100% do feel as though I'm grieving as it really is a loss. My husband is very laid back and straight forward and just tells me to 'not get down, it will happen when it happens' and I appreciate that but at the same time he doesn't get what my body and mind has gone through. It's hard to let go just because a plastic test says so! Ps. Clear blue digi's are so cruel lol

Hi Stace. Sorry it didn't work this time. I've got a FET coming up and it will be completely drug free. I just have to test for ovulation then they transfer 5 days later. I know some clinics do use drugs and others it depend on the person if they do or don't. From what I've read though, even if you are using meds for your FET, it's not so bad/ intense as a fresh round. Are you booked in to your clinic soon to ask the questions?

I'm having to wait for two periods between egg collection and frozen transfer. Would have preferred to do it after 1st period but I trust they know what they're doing!!!

I'm sorry, I've been there and it's shit. Be kind to yourself